Heart-broken =(

[Wulfgeist]

I lost Jasper on Tuesday and I am having a really hard time coping. There have been a few minor changes in my life recently including a move to a new place. I haven't let him out much just because everything is new and I've been busy moving things in mostly on my own as time allows. I was off work on Monday and in the late afternoon decided "hey bud, you want to come out for a while?".

 

I put a paper down in front of his cage and opened the door, went about my business. He climbed around for little bit and then something spooked him, he tried to follow me..not sure. He still hasn't gotten full wings yet and hit the floor.

 

What I am still trying to figure out even now is how I could have forgotten the cat..

 

Not long after I moved I took in another cat. He's just a slip of a cat but former stray intact male. Where I am currently living is only one room, a finished basement so there's no where to keep the cat apart from my others. When I can't supervise him he has to stay in a large kennel because his current cat skills are in direct opposition to living in a multi-cat household.

 

I am not sure how I could have forgotten the cat. I had let him out and he was happily basking in a deep cushioned window sill in the sun with birds and squirrels right outside the window. He's a former stray, I know nothing about this cat aside from to assume he's a danger to the birds.

 

I'm not sure where my mind was when I let Jasper out of his cage.

 

After I plucked Crowley off of him and tossed him back in his cage I checked Jasper over but from what I could feel, I didn't feel any wounds. Then I saw a drip of blood..I had a hell of time trying to figure out where it came from..then there was another..I got him toweled and checked under his wings..found the blood..it looked like it was coming from a broken feather or two..no corn starch..run up to the store for some, come back and towel him again stop the bleeding and start calling vets. My vet doesn't do birds, try the emergency one..they don't do birds..by now it's 6 and everyone is closing. Nothing else I can really do now but see how he is in the morning, he really needs antibiotics just in case..

 

Tuesday morning I get up for work and he's not himself. I call in and start looking again, find a vet that does birds, office opens at 7. Call and get him right in.

 

This is the part that upsets me and maybe some of you more experienced folks can tell me if this is normal or not. In order to examine him the vet requests to take him back to another room "where they usually look at birds". I just wanted him better so I said ok and that he isn't fond of toweling but when I had him toweled earlier I covered his face and he was calm. For at *least* 5 minutes maybe closer to 10 Jasper was screaming and squawking the whole time.

 

They bring him back, vet tells me he actually has a puncture wound on his wing there (I told him about my examine and using corn starch to stop the bleeding the night before) and that he put some surgical glue on it. He gave me some pain killers for him and some antibiotics to put in water. That was it, good bye, let us know how he does.

 

Get him home give him a dose of the pain meds. I just put it in his beak and let him do the swallowing. I mix up some dosed water and do the same with a little of it. I put him back in his cage and I'd say an hour or less later he was falling off his perch and was held up by his outstreched wings. I get him down from there and put a towel in the bottom of the cage, get him nested in it with food and water at hand but I'm watching him and he's just not looking right. He acts drunk and disoriented and before I can call the vet back he starts having seizures. He has a few close together and then he's gone. I would not have made it back to the vet in time if there was anything they could have done.

 

I didn't bother with a necropsy. My guess would be he lost too much blood. I know birds can't lose much and at the time I only saw a couple drips. After the fact I started noticing there was probably more than I thought. Maybe there was nothing to be done for that, maybe I should have expressed more concern to the vet for it. I wish to hell I had not let them take him away from me, maybe I could have done something to keep him a little more calm. I can't help but think that stress didn't help the situation any either. Knowing the true cause of death will do nothing to bring him back.

 

I'm just beyond upset at myself for spacing the cat. I can't be mad really at the cat, he probably just throught the bird gods answered his prayers.

 

No more hearing "Want veg-ables" in the morning or being burped at (thanks Aunt Linda) everytime I'm on the phone. No more squawking like a chicken or cooing like a pigeon. No more having to constantly answer "What color?" (I think he was teaching *me*).

 

His urn should be here on Saturday and I'm still shopping around for someplace to have him cremated. Or maybe I am putting it off because I can't believe he's no longer in my life. A couple times now I've taken his bundle out of the freezer to look at a moment, I can't believe he is gone.

 

Please no flaming about the dangers of cats and birds. I have always been careful with my cats, I know the dangers. I just don't know what the hell happened to me this time to not even give it a thought.

 

I miss you, Jas, my life will no longer be the same, but it is already different having known you. Thank you for the sunshine and the laughs when I needed them most.

[Talon]

Oh my....my heart aches for you so badly. I read your story and felt like I was there. You did the best you could, don't beat yourself up. Accidents happen, and it was a tragic accident. I know many people arent aware, but a cat has a chemical in its saliva and claws that are toxic to birds and rodents. It won't kill it immediately, but over a short period of time, it will kill them. It can happen from a bite or a scratch. That may be the case here. I'm not a vet, but I know this for a fact.

That is why many people say, "cat scratch fever" , a human actually will itch in the spot when you get scratched by a cat.

 

My prayers to ease your pain are being said tonight. I am glad the suffering for Jas was short. He knows you loved him.

 

Time will lessen the pain, be patient and forgiving of yourself.

[Brat Birds]

I agree, accidents happen!! You are human and as such make mistakes. Please don't dwell on the mistake. Dwell on the happy times and remember that Jasper knew he was loved. I know this is not easy, especially right now. Prayers for you and FLY FREE JASPER!!

[danmcq]

I am so sorry to hear of this tragic loss. You have my deepest heartfelt condolences.

[katana600]

You were so loving and dedicated to Jasper that he had a lifetime of pure love. My heart breaks for you too. We have been through the loss and it is no better or worse when it is totally out of our hands. The silence and loss is crushing regardless of circumstances. Please give yourself the kindness of forgiveness, I know Jasper knew more love in his life with you than many will ever see.

[judygram]

I am so sorry to hear of Jasper's passing but don't blame yourself as it could happen to anyone, accidents happen and its no use beating yourself up, please accept my condolences on your loss.

[Greywings]

So sorry for your loss, it could have been the bite it could have been the meds we just do not know. my birds live with both cats & dogs so you are not the only one who choses that path, your tender heart saved the stray and that is something I have always done as well. I do know that he will always live in your heart.

[Ray P]

So sorry for your loss.!!

[SRSeedBurners]

I can definitely feel your pain. Part of my problem with having these birds is the massive empty hole they leave when I lose them. No flaming here about cats and birds but you're a much better person than me - I literally would have taken that cat apart with my bare hands even with the whole situation being my own fault.

Edited August 16, 2013 by SterlingSL

[Luvparrots]

Just reach up and slap yourself hard for your mistake, rant, rave at yourself for your blunder and cry out loud..... then forgive yourself and move on. I am so sorry of the loss of Jasper. No one can rail on you more than you already have on yourself. I hope when the time is right that you will re-home a parrot that needs a loving home. Take care.

Edited August 16, 2013 by luvparrots

[JeffNOK]

Please know that all of us here understand your pain in losing Jasper. I pray that happy memories will, over time, replace the sadness you feel now. Thank you for your previous posts and letting us get to know Jasper and you a little bit. I hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing.

[Timbersmom]

So sorry for your loss! Don't blame yourself, an accident is an accident. That doesn't make it less painful though! God bless.

[kittykittykitty]

I am so very, very sorry. Howardine