Kiki

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I LOVE Kiki so much, but her destruction is becoming too much. Sean her owner, knows I am thinking of rehoming her. He doesn't think I am being " fair!" showing Sophie preference! Yes I am. Sophie is my bird. Kiki is Sean's bird, but he is off at college and not committing to her future care. I have a family that is interested, that has an outside avian shelter that she would love. Am I wrong for thinking this? Nancy

[Talon]

Oohhhh.......well I can't be objective. Mi don't believe in rehoming because of destruction. I understand your feelings, I went thru the same thoughts when I had Rikki, she was destroying every piece of wood in my new beautiful house. I put deterrents everywhere, bought her lots of wood to chew, and put her on a schedule of cage time for several hours during the day while I worked at home. Gave her more open me attention when I could, and she finally settled in . It had been my experience, that just as you are at your whits end and can't take another minute, things start to slowly turn around....I spent many a day in tears over her destruction.

 

Please don't make a hasty decision, is there any way to work things out with your son? He will never forgive you....I worry, and I worry about the well being of Kiki . This was supposed to be her forever home...? No?

[Wingy]

Nancy you are overworked and at your wits end. It was just you doing all the outside chores, inside chores and animal chores while also holding down a full time job. That is no small task. I do know how much you love Kiki so maybe we can come up with easy, inexpensive ideas that can help. To give us a hand in offering ideas what is she chewing on and when? Do you notice a pattern? What do you do when she chews something she shouldn't? What are you giving her to chew on and when?

[Talon]

Great ideas Wingy, it is springtime and they do get hormones and act up....my 3 sure have been! A friend once said, isnt it worth all the destructin for the love you receive back from them? Wood and things can be replaced, but the love and beautiful memories they gve us can't ever be replaced. Looking back, what would you cherish, a destroyed house and things, or memories of a sweet bird named Kiki who doesn't understand that she is doing wrong, as she can't see thru human eyes....it's her nature to seek and destroy, you can't take that instinct away from her. You can try and channel it in other ways.

 

When my Rikki had me in tears for her destruction, it seemed the more angry, sad and upset I got, the more she did it. I had to finally realize I had to calm down and relax and not make such a fuss, she saw that after a while and then she too calmed down. I used a lot of boxes for her to destroy, I put them on top of my kitchen cabinets and that kept her distracted from other things. Phone books in her cage also helped.

 

Oh, and baskets are a huge hit with Nilah my amazon....

Edited May 27, 2013 by Talon

[Wingy]

Nancy I had to come back and add this. Of course Sean cannot commit to Kikis long term care at this stage in his life and you should be very proud that he was honest with himself enough to say so. He is a young, in college, and doesn't know yet exactly where life will take him in a few years. It sounds to me like you have raised a very level headed young man who understands that a degree does not come with instant wealth. You should be very proud of him and yourself.

Edited May 27, 2013 by Wingy

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I am very proud of Sean! He is going to be very sucessful! I know deep down that I am very upset with Kiki, as she chewed my moms antique George Washington secretary. It was an heirloom that my mom gave to me a few years ago, when she died. It was special. I don't fault Kiki. Its what Amazons do, as well as other birds. I just feel, that I can't keep up. I certainly don't yell at Kiki, or try to discipline her.... but I felt she might do better with a family that can provide her with better flying, or chewing opportunities.Somehow, she knows I am hurt. Landing on me constantly, and offering love and kisses, Of course I accept them, and give them in return.I am just really upset that she chewed something that had such sentimental value. I don't care about its financial worth. Just hurt. Nancy

[katana600]

No Nancy, I don't think you are wrong for thinking this. There are so many times with Gilbert where I felt frustrated, rejected, hurt (physically from a bite as well as emotionally) and when I wondered if I just wasn't up to the task. Then some things change and usually it is the external things that have left me feeling exhausted and with precious few resources to use for coping. I have been where you are. Seven years ago my youngest went off to college and I was introduced to the empty nest... well except for all "their" animals for whom I was now the sole caretaker. I promise, this too shall pass. You may be more sensitive to loss right now as you are adjusting to the void left by Sean going to college. That may be making you think of a permanent solution for what could be a temporary setback with Kiki. Maybe you could reach a middle ground. Could you use Sean's room to put things that are special to keep them out of Kiki's reach? When he is home, could he help you some way that would give you a break for a while? Maybe if he could stay with your animals and allow you a long weekend away with only yourself to pamper and not have someone yelling for one more thing they want it would give you a whole new perspective to hang in there until it is time for him to take Kiki to his own place. We went back and forth with our daughter's dog. She is really needy and high maintenance. The agreement was that after the first dorm year, she would take the dog with her. Oh darn, we signed a lease on an apartment (which parents are funding... by the way) and my friend said we could keep Bella, don't read the lease that says no pets, they are not serious about that. Then the next year, we have a new place, it says we can have a dog, its in the lease. Hey... what am I going to do with the dog when I come home for Thanksgiving? She drove from Texas to Georgia... can you just keep her until Christmas break? Its hard to have a dog... she got on the counter and ate chocolate chips... and then threw up in my bed mom!!!!! Finally, she graduated from college and found a job... but just needed to live at home for a year to get on her feet. You guessed it... she would come and go and it seemed the dog was still primarily my responsibility. Ah... but now the table has turned and the dog lives with her full time and she is doing great. Now when she comes home and I have only two weeks to take care of Bella and her neediness, it is a pleasure. Well to be truthful, it is more of a pleasure when my husband reads aloud from her facebook that Bella can now open the oven and use the door to spring herself to the top of the counters and eat all the cookies she made to take to work.

[JeffNOK]

Nancy, thank you for sharing your feelings in this matter. Feelings are always legitimate. There is nothing to feel bad about. I have hope that you can find a solution. I do believe that when it comes to destructive behavior, there are ways to make the precious things safe. My sense is that this latest incident really hit a nerve with you, and you are still trying to process it. My hope of course is that you can find a way to keep Kiki until Sean is in a place where he can assume the responsibility. If that turns out to be impossible, then I know you will do what you need to do with everyone's best interest in mind. Again, I am not really writing this to give advice, but to let you know that I understand and will pray for wisdom for you in deciding what you need to do.

[Timbersmom]

I have no advice to give either, since that is a decision only you and Sean can make. How heart-rending for you though! I feel for you.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I'm going to step back. I have a week of vacation in june. This week will be a good attempt for me, to " take control" again. One of my coworkers that I have never worked with, but have known for the past two weeks, brought me in a flowering plant. That was very nice! I asked her " why?" She said " You are a powerhouse!" I didn't know that about you! What a compliment! If you asked my coworker in CT... she would say I have ADDDDDDDDD! LOL Nancy

[Talon]

Great decision !

[Ray P]

Hi Nancy

Some times the hard decision takes a lot out of you and us.

Sometimes support comes from many places, like friends, family and this forum. And sometimes support comes from people and members that you don`t expect it from like members that may not always agree with you or members you may not always agree with.

We all stand on the same platform and some times that platform is a little rocky, but we all cling to it because it`s our common ground and from time to time we have been in your shoes.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I'm feeling much better with Kiki. Thanks all!The otherday I opened up the birdroom the moment I walked in, both Kiki and Sophie flew in as usual. Then.... they had a " battle" of who was the best flier. As Kiki taught Sophie how to fly this past year, I thought their was no competition. Kiki has always been the best flier. Hands down. Our kitchen is the center of the house. Family room and livingroom on opposite sides. So you can do a full circle flying thru our bottom level.At first, Kiki would fly off, Sophie would follow. Then Sophie would take off, Kiki would follow. Eventually, they reved it up flying nonstop around and around with me ducking and not interfering. Whoah! They were crazy, and I knew not to get involved! I called to Sean.... he told me not to interfere! It was a matter of the " student", challenging the master! WHAT?( Sean very involved with Chinese culture and martial arts.) In the end... they both landed on the couch and watched the sunset together. They were both happy. ( I personally thought about " whose penis is bigger"? As they don't have a penis.... not sure how it worked out! Nancy