Sad and not sure what to do.

[EllieMae]

Sassy is does not seem to be warming up to me in the least. The people we got her from did say that she preferred men and boy were they right. My husband really likes her alot and loves the way she loves him to pieces. it's so amazing to see the difference in her with him and me. The problem is the hatred she shows towards me. It's bad when he's not home, but it's even worse when he is. If I speak to him while she is around him she fluffs up and squeals her pissed off squeal and if he talks to me she will actually bite him if she can't reach me. Now that she's actively flying and attacking me he's asked me to consider getting rid of her or finding someone that has the same problem but in reverse to trade with. I don't want to give up on her but I know Jack. I come first and he will not tolerate me consistently getting tore up on a daily basis. He's using the logic that she does not like me and that he (her chosen one) is only here and with her for 2- 4 hours on work days and that she is not in a good place until he's home therefore she can't be happy either. LOL.. Yeah he loves me and really tried to make it sound good for my benefit. I told him I'd consider it but I really am not ready to give up on her. But I have to be honest, When the day is over and I have god knows how many more bites and have spent my whole damn day watching my back and dodging a pissed off grey.. I'm tempted.

[Sassy]

Hubby and Neytiri don't get along either. We found that Cheetos work well. Soon as Neytiri sees hubby with a bag boom she's right there to take them from him. She's only a year old and been home 7 months. It takes time.

 

Sassy

[Luvparrots]

Perhaps you should try a different tactic. Ignore Sassy when your hubby is not home and when he is. Open the cage and go sit on the couch or whatever with Sassy's favorite treats and enjoy them. Make happy and yummy sounding eating sounds and don't even look at Sassy or say a word to her. Make her come to you. Of course you should be the only one with the goodies so you are the one Sassy has to come to for tasty goods.

[skshamshir1]

I had the same issue when i brought an african grey chick home.. n i kept concluding that it hated me & was more into the female members of the house but my bird was only 2.5 month old back thn.. Later now i realized it never hated me but loved me the most.. screaming & pretending to bite yr fingers should be taken positively as sign of love & affection

 

Do one more thing.. feed her with your very own hands.. i'm sure that she loves roasted sunflower seeds, candys, etc

feed her whatever she loves the most

 

I'm no expert but this statement should fix all problems

 

"Make her trust you"

 

hope it will help unless your bird wasnt brought up in some jungle

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

We must have done something right, to get all our birds, dogs ,kids and me, to love each other! I think it was all about trust. Nancy

[JeffNOK]

EllieMae: You seem so disheartened. I know I would feel the same way. I wish I had some good advice for you aside from what has been said. I do believe that this is not an impossible or insurmountable situation. On the one hand, this is still early days--especially in terms of a relationship with an African Grey. I believe that you can establish a positive relationship with Sassy with lots of continued love and patience. On the other hand, because it is still early, the trauma of going to a new home might be less severe to her than if she stayed longer in your home. As I recall, she is a mature bird. She may be hormonal right now and her behavior towards you may be more extreme due to this. I know there are others here with similar experiences that can offer more concrete advice. I wish all the best.

[Jayd]

Qkay guys, we've got some serious problems here.. Talk of re-homing, never good for the Grey, what if there's a problem with the next one? Take time, that's all, this is a new bird and home, give the bird a chance to look around.Ten months from now it could hate your husband, there's no set time limit or how man times they'll change. Just because they are doing so and so right now, they can change there mind a hundred times in the next month....Now there's another problem concerning possible death, complex health problems, secondary health issues, food?????? Cheeto's, Candy, When Janet said treats, she means "Bird treats"........................One bite of the wrong thing can kill them or harm them for life. I hope your really not feeding Cheeto's etc................

[aw64]

my heart goes out to you, sadly I cannot give advice but have had many problems with Alfie and lots of bites to go with it but the sun has started to shine on us the last couple of weeks and this has just been due to me taking a step back, when I'm busy he stays caged to avoid him flying at me once jobs are done I open cage he will step up to come out then i just sit and let him do his thing on playstand, I ask nothing of him we chat away and have now progressed with him flying to back of sofa for tickle tickle and onto my leg, like everyone has said this time thing seems to be the most important factor and these birds are step ahead, she prob knows shes got to you and watching you stress, yell out when that beak takes hold is all good fun to her and they can pick up on your feelings. Alfie will walk on hot coals for pumkin seeds as treat, the naughty bit I do is when things are really really good he will get what we call a small amount of good boy biscuit (plain human biscuit) but only very small bit. Just take a step back relax , I always find the support on here so help when feeling I am failing, and have been reduced to tears so your not on your own.

[murfchck]

I already had Bongo, Oliver and Bubba when Gabby came to us. When we went to see her, she gave me kisses and let me hold her, i fell in awe of her. The minute she was in our home she turned on me. Hubba was all hers and I couldn't get near her. It has been many months, many many months, i still can not interact with her like Pat does and i may never get to. I can now atleast pick her up and move her if need be. She will lower her head to me like she wants a head tickle, then make this knocking sound and Lord help if my hand is near her! Pat and her play this beak game where she runs to him and puts her beak between his fingers and he kind of swings her in a circle, she loves this game so Pat talked me into trying it with her. That resulted in big blood loss and Pat having to pry her beak off my finger. He was shocked at her reaction, i was shocked that i gave my fingers up for sacrafice! I have to take her to her vet today, so i am sure there will be some attitude for the next week!

If yours is flying and attacking, keep him in his cage until you can give all your focus to him. Our cockatoo is now flying without warning to us and bites on landing, we know he is not use to flying but those balance bites hurt none the less. He gets to still come out but when he starts flying at whim, he gets time out. I have busted my jaw open from him flying onto my back while i was bent over in a cabinet and he nipped on landing. We are working hard on getting him to fly to us when we call him, but he still prefers the shock flights! As hard as it seems, time is all you can offer to help him find a happy medium with you. They pick up on our feeling so keep positive and don't give up.

[Guest Jocelyn]

Qkay guys, we've got some serious problems here.. Talk of re-homing, never good for the Grey, what if there's a problem with the next one? Take time, that's all, this is a new bird and home, give the bird a chance to look around.Ten months from now it could hate your husband, there's no set time limit or how man times they'll change. Just because they are doing so and so right now, they can change there mind a hundred times in the next month....Now there's another problem concerning possible death, complex health problems, secondary health issues, food?????? Cheeto's, Candy, When Janet said treats, she means "Bird treats"........................One bite of the wrong thing can kill them or harm them for life. I hope your really not feeding Cheeto's etc................

 

I agree that one shouldnt be feeding a bird soley cheetos and candy but I think a piece of cheeto every once and a while is okay, my thoughts are they live so long let them live a little.

 

As for your situation, Romeo loves me best then he flips over to loving hubby best for a few months, he plays us like fiddles. I wouldnt give up yet as they seem to be prone to switching between people or at least ours it

[EllieMae]

Thanks everyone for your input. The truth is I love love this little girl already even with her "Tude" I talked with my man and told him that I could not give up on her. I just don't give up that easily. I do understand that I may never get to interact with her as Jack does and I really am ok with that. I guess what's bothering me so much is the fact that she now has me afraid to be anywhere near her and she knows this as she taunts me now as well. I'm more pissed at myself for letting myself be so transparent to her. I can't help it but some of the stuff she does just makes me laugh and that may be re-enforcing her behavior as well. I do not have any intention of giving her up ( That thought does enter my mind on some occasions directly after an encounter with her.) I do give her special treats and she does come to me to get them, however it's hit or miss as to whether she takes the treat or bites me. Now the way that she taunts me and makes me laugh is she will fly down over me even grazing the top of my head at times. The little heathen had the audacity to laugh after she did it Saturday. I know she does this because she likes my squealing and ducking motions and is having lots of fun at my expense. I'm a glutton for punishment I know, but it's the spunkiness and in your face tude that endears me to her so much. She's a bad as my boys were and they got their tudes from their Momma But in a seriousness, she is really hateful about it at times and when she bites most of the time she means it. Everyone tells not to give her the opportunity to bite, well this is where I have my issues. I no longer try to take her out of her cage. I just open it and let her come out. But once she is out she's iffy... She comes to the couch where I am and she will charge at me sometimes so that now I don't want her coming close because I'm not sure why shes coming. I get bit mostly for not allowing her to chew on certain items or for shooing her away from the dog (she doesn't like Sabrina either). So most of my bites are a result of not letting her do what she wants when she wants The only way I can truly not give her the opportunity to bite would be to keep her caged when Jack isn't home and I just can't do that. I do give her and Leo some cage time as I give the little birds equal time out and the big birds chase the little one so it's just easier to alternate out of cage time. I am frustrated but I'm also determined so I'm taking everything that you guys are telling me and sifting thru to see what works and what doesn't. I'm sorry if I come across sounding desperate at times, I don't mean to. I just want to find a happy medium for all of us and I have as much patience as she does I guess..lol

[Jayd]

I agree that one shouldnt be feeding a bird soley cheetos and candy but I think a piece of cheeto every once and a while is okay, my thoughts are they live so long let them live a little.

 

Your right, one little bite won't hurt anything, well, lets see: Salt, dyes, a little more salt given to a parrot whose system can't remove sodium from it's body like a human can, then lets give it some spinach, which has salt, and all the rest of the processed salt bearing food we give it in a day. a little won't hurt any thing, don't even know how the dyes will effect a parrot, let them live a little so they can have a shorter life by that little cheeto.

KEY WORD: Accumulate, this little bite won't hurt, but all the future bites, "they live so long" in all the foods and treats both good and bad we feed or parrot's accumulates and shortens there lives.

What about that extra sugar? and other things we feed them ? No, no Cheetos, chips, no extra salt or sugar. A parrot doesn't party on a Saturday night's, no cheeto, they won't miss it, but they'll be alive.

[Wingy]

In the organic section I was able to find bags of air puffed corn, puffed millet, puffed rice and puffed quinoa. It is organic, from non GMO seeds, no added anything. In place of cookies (though I call them a cookie) he gets organic shredded wheat pieces again with no added salt, sugar, colors or oils. Jake thinks these are great treats. The puffed corn fits well in his puzzle toys and doesn't leave a residue.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

Greys play us all like fiddles! LOL! The answer is as always.... humans in the family need to understand this, be on the "same page", for all expectations. If I said NO.. she went to Ryan, if Ryan said NO, she went to Sean. If Sean said No.... she learned she wasn't going to win.Consistency,is always the answer. Of course this never happens over night. Nancy

[Jayd]

When Jacks not home, keep her caged for a while, go to her side, sit by her,talk to her, sing to her, sing old MacDonald, say he had a Sassy with a [insert a sound Sassy makes, but ignore her actions, you relax, make it like everything is normal, YOU let Sassy out of her cage when Jack gets home.. A long as you have a defeatist attitude nothing will get better, every time you duck or make a sound, your reinforcing Sassy actions.

[Jayd]

Accumulation

 

Accumulate/

What's that?

Definition of

ACCUMULATE

transitive verb

:

to gather or pile up especially little by little

:

amass

<

accumulate

a fortune>

 

intransitive verb

:

to increase gradually in quantity or number

 

 

Okay, so what's that have to do with my parrot or me? Yea, I accumulate a lot of things, newspapers, old toys etc, that can't hurt any one. What does my bird accumulate?

 

Salt!

The only salt my bird gets is in his/her food or the occasional chip he/she gets. My Doc says I'm not supposed to have salt, I don't really, but I cheat sometimes, how can that hurt???

 

[Lets use Salt as a example of all that can accumulate that is bad or might be bad for our parrots ie;sugar,onions,garlic,etc]

 

Our systems have a design limit on how much of any given thing that it can tolerate over any given amount of time. Most all living things have these limits and are incorporated into their system, including our parrots. somethings have a Maximum limit,[once reached can tolerate no more ie; salt, sugars, heavy metals, etc which leads to further health problems] and recurring limit,[too much Vit A etc.] once a amount is reduced, more can be tolerated if caught in time.

A human can get rid of most excess salt. A healthy human is suppose to have no more than approx 2500mg of sodium a day. A slice of reg wheat bread has 90mg of salt, so if you give your parrot 1/2 slice of bread a day that's 45mg of sodium plus that dab of butter/peanutbutters salt content,[lets keep going] add the sodium in his bird food, ad the natural sodium in veggies, the one chip and bite of pizza, WHEW.................

Unfortunately a parrots system cannot eliminate salt and sugar etc the way a human can, so what happens? It

Accumulates

, to grow and grow and accumulates more until our poor parrot [let alone us humans] develop a serious health risk which could cause death.

I'd like to touch on the word

Moderation.

Moderation is a really good practice with our fids. But, please remember, with certain foods and certain ingredients, moderation itself can be harmful. This area is especially true in sugar and salt. You should give your companion no more than the minimum of natural levels that are present in their diet, lest they

accumulate

.

Thanks, Jayd

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I would suggest taking it one step furthur.Read books, sing, in front of cage. You don't need to wait for Jack. Read all you can about different ways to practice " stepup and stepdown.YOUR relationship, has nothing to do with Jack's relationship. You need to get over your fear of getting bit, and develop the relationship of parent/child. Sophie at age two...was already starting to go thru terrible twos! Can you imagine getting a two year old adjusted to a new home, as well as going thru the terrible twos? I had noooooo idea what I was doing! The one thing I knew as we have had a ton of animals in our home,was "I make the decisions". I believe in "open door"concept, but their are rules to follow, even with this belief. We had guinea pigs that dogs loved... Sophie understood quickly, we had lots of animals that were loved, and it wasn't all about her. I can say, I was bit around two times, and didn't appreciate it. Nancy

[Spock]

Look with in yourself to find the strength needed.......Start fresh with clear mind, have fears but don't share them with Sassy, time time time, it will happen.

[EllieMae]

When Jacks not home, keep her caged for a while, go to her side, sit by her,talk to her, sing to her, sing old MacDonald, say he had a Sassy with a [insert a sound Sassy makes, but ignore her actions, you relax, make it like everything is normal, YOU let Sassy out of her cage when Jack gets home.. A long as you have a defeatist attitude nothing will get better, every time you duck or make a sound, your reinforcing Sassy actions.

 

Jayd, This and the post by Nancy afterwards have got to be the two posts that I like the best. I love all of the advice I've received on this but this is one I just wouldn't have thought of, but makes really good sense! Thank you oh so much.

[danmcq]

Jay gave good advice. It is good to hear you are going to apply it.

[Acappella]

We're here for you to vent to, so don't ever apologize for that. <3 She may indeed be hormonal and that may be intensifying her behaviour. Is she getting a full 10-12 hours dark sleep time? I second, or third, the advice about sitting by her cage and just hanging out, reading, talking to her. When she is out and flying at you the ducking is good - the sqealing isn't. That's making it a game for her. The bigger the reaction the more it re-inforces the behaviour. When she mis-behaves you have to communicate to her your displeasure without being entertaining. Think 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' range of emotion. A sad face, a sad shake of the head, a quiet 'no', drooped shoulders, turn your back, all very subtle and boring lol. Then try to catch her being good, reward with a treat, big happy face, voice etc... Make it so there's a very clear difference in your behaviour when there's a difference in her behaviour. I'd also completely give up on trying to give her scratches right now. Your nervousness is going to make her mercurial. Really become a student of her specific body language. Study her when she is with your husband and being loving so you can begin to tell the difference between when she is truly asking for interaction and when she is pulling you in for a sucker bite. Meet her where she is and be happy there. Do everything you can to stop negative interactions before they start. If you are going to start giving her more in-cage time, can you put the dog in another room when she is out, or let her out when the dog has it's regular nap? That way you are removing one of the situations where you have to correct her behaviour. Let the favoured human have the responsibility of teaching her that the dog is to be left alone. Of course you can't eliminate all potential conflicts. Most of us meet an annoyed beak once in a while when we have to remove them from danger or take something away from them, but set yourself up for success as much as you possibly can. And you can always come here to vent.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

Excellent advice by Acapella as always. It is very difficult in the beginning teaching and setting "boundaries" with a grey. I followed my " gut" instinct with Sophie when we first got her age two. She didn't love me the most in the beginning, and that was okay with me. She learned there were rules to follow once she loved and accepted us all. It was amazing how just one game of " trouble" with us all... she couldn't resist, climbed down off her cage and wanted to play. Whose ever turn it was... she had to stepup, then got to pop the bubble.(of course we popped the bubble, but she thought she did!) LOL! This was on her second day here. She progressed to a tour of the housewhich she loved. Of course, immediately returned when nervous. As time progressed, she learned we had a very busy home. If I was cooking and boiling water, she had to go to Ryan, then had to go to Sean when Ryan had homework. Then friends cameover, Sean or Ryan had something to do quickly, Sophie had to go to a friend of theirs.. At the end of the nite... I always read Sophie's favorite cloth book " Thomas the tank engine". We to this day, read it nightly. Its her favorite and time with ROM(mom). Nancy