Really need some help...

[Guest sagittariusgirl89]

Hello, I have posted here before. I brought home my female African grey timneh in July. She will be turning one at the end of march. Her name is Ava.

 

Anyway, she still hasn't taken to me. She only prefers my boyfriend. So she only gets out of her cage when he is home. I offer her my finger and she bites it. She isnt testing it either, full on bite. I talk to her and give her fruit and she has nothing to do with me.

 

Any advice? Its so sad.

 

Danielle

[Spinner]

Danielle,

Pretty common problem, but it can be safely addressed and changed. There are two primary pieces that need to be addressed; trust and motivation. I would also search this site for biting and body language - much has been written that should help keep you from being bit. You should never experience a bite!

 

I'm going to reverse the trust/motivation pair and start with motivation. What might motivate Ava to eagerly step up on your hand (not your finger, please)? Revert to simple training exercises to get Ava (and you) comfortable with being handled. There are plenty of resources out there on how, but I recommend checking out Barbara Heidenreich's www.goodbirdinc.com materials. They are proven, safe, and backed by behavioural science. Think treat machine for awhile and you'll be amazed at the difference. You'll find Ava will be eagerly trying to please you, initially for a treat and eventually for your companionship and praise.

 

Trust - For both of you, trust is now an issue and needs to be rebuilt. This will take time and patience to change. Following the safe training exercises above, you will slowly build trust between the two of you. Most importantly, you will begin to trust being around Ava and enjoy not being bit.

 

I know the above methods work as I use them daily with birds that have been highly aggressive towards people in the past.

 

Also ask your boyfriend to allow you to take the lead on this for awhile. Ava may indeed get inconsistent messages from the two of you. Plus, she may use your boyfriend as an escape or haven. It shouldn't go to that point, but you need some one-on-one with Ava without the distraction of your boyfriend.

Hope this helps.

[Guest sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks for the reply!

 

Should I just have my boyfriend put Ava on my finger and have him leave the room?

 

Do I just talk to her and not try to pet her?

[aerial.2000]

heres what I can tell you ... you cant force yourself or a relationship on Ava. She definately runs the show and she will surely let you know if she dont like it. I will say never give up talking to her, giving her treats and trying but definately listen and watch what signs she is giving you. I hear alot of these parrots choose one "person" as their chosen. Im lucky that Marco chose me, however my husband was pretty dang determined to atleast be able to work with her and he never gave up and she'll respond to him, sit with him, step up for him and talk to him (course tho, shes always lookin for me) but I make sure he gets "his" time with her. HOWEVER my kids cant touch her at all with out a HUGE bite, she dont even want them to attempt to give her a treat she just wants to bite them. Hang in there relationships take TIME and that is "grey time" so its at their pace. Youve got years with her so give it the time. Every bird is different.

[Jayd]

Hi, whats happened is your young lady is in the early stages of bonding with your boyfriend. In most cases it's a life time bond but with patience on you part it can become a equal bonding with your young lady favoring you for somethings and your boyfriend for others. At this point in time don't wory about stepping-up or even touching her. Be alone with her, in her cage is ok and just read and talk softly to her, do this as often as you can, cage door open. Don't have your boyfriend offer her to you, that's only reinforcing him...When the right time comes, take here to your bedroom, dim the lights and sit on the bed letting her be beside you, don't reach for her, again, sing, tale and just be together, if she omes to you, let her. Were talking time, not a week, not even a month, it can take longer. Don't let her know your sad. As time goes on offer treats between the bars of the cage or in the open, everytime you walk by her, say something like "Ava's a pretty girl [or good] ". Shes going through her second stage of development now, it's hard for all concerned.