Has anyone ever had this happen?

[itsjustnikki]

With all the excitement of showing off Tango and looking through old pictures, I forgot to post my question (ultimately, the reason for joining).

 

I am hoping that someone can either shed some light or give suggestions on how to handle the situation.

 

So I'm not sure where to start with the story. It's no secret that Tango absolutely loves my boyfriend. He pretty much instantly bonded with him when we first became friends. He will consistently drop his wings for him and regurgitate for him. We moved in together about 4 months ago and at first things were going well. However, lately Tango has become such a brat towards me. If my boyfriend hands him to me he will bite me super hard. As soon as he hears John (my boyfriend) he goes bananas and wants nothing to do for me. He barely lets me give him scratches anymore and certainly does not like to cuddle with me. Even if we are sitting together he will do anything to get closer to John. I know you can't pick who your bird likes, but it definitely gets to me a little bit. I do the majority of the housekeeping stuff with Tango. John will help and give him his food sometimes depending on our work schedule.

 

I guess I am looking for any suggestions people might have to help Tango still enjoy time with me. Or maybe I just want to hear that this has happened to other people and I shouldn't take it personally.

 

Thanks in advance.

Nikki :-)

Edited August 8, 2012 by itsjustnikki

[judygram]

Greys tend to favor one person and it seems they do take an instant like to a particular person in this case your boyfriend but you can still have a good relationship with Tango, just not like the one he has with your bf. You may have better luck in interacting with him when your bf is not around, you be the one to give treats and such. Just don't take it personally as he is not disliking you, he just likes someone else better, you will just have to learn to live with second fiddle.

[JeffNOK]

You are certainly not alone. I have been on this forum about one year and a half and I have read your story time and time again. It is very very common and normal. Judygram gave you good advice. Tango may not always favor your bf, but he might always favor him. I don't have this problem because I am single and live alone--Gracie is stuck with me as her favorite whether she likes it or not!

Edited August 8, 2012 by JeffNOK

[CLB]

Nikki...this is my story too. Broke my heart as I was the one who wanted this bird. I honestly felt like I had been betrayed, like somehow, Shadow was just another ungrateful mouth to feed. She chose him and there I was left to "pick up the pieces". It has been almost a year and she still prefers him and lets him handle her. I have come to terms with my relationship with her and although she doesn't "love me like that" it OK! I do try to make my hubby put her back in her cage or remove her from forbidden areas. She would step up to me from my husband and then bite me as if to say, "ok, I'll do it because I am supposed to....but I don't have to like it!"

 

I continue to talk to her, feed her, and clean up after her. I just had to alter my expectation. I have discovered stick training...so now when I want to relocate her, I can and we are both much happier. I ask for a step up onto the stick and she can sit on a perch where ever I am. I know she doesn't hate me...she just doesn't "love me like that". Hang in there and don't take it personal, you are not alone!!

[Sarasota]

This is one of those situations that we can offer practical advice on - but it's the emotional side that is so difficult. I live alone, so I don't have this issue, and when I had a roomie, it never came up.

 

My simple suggestion is to find other ways to bond with your bird. If you are getting bit, hands off for now. Try a little target training to begin with. Find those *Super Special* treats and make sure your boyfriend never feeds these - only you. The bird will quickly associate you with the good stuff!

 

It's so easy for me to say "don't take it personally," but I'm pretty sure I would as well.

[katana600]

We have a rescue and sometimes it seems he is never going to forgive me for not being his first love. Now, he suddenly has become lovey with my daughter AND my husband and is intent to not only give me the cold shoulder but to actively seek opportunities to bite me. He goes through phases though and when it is good, he is really really good. Being grateful is never going to be a theme with him no matter who is doing his caretaking. I really don't mind because he has gone from plucking himself bloody to being more calm and graceful with every week that passes. The best thing I can do when Gilbert goes into a full on snit toward me is to ignore him. I speak to him lovingly when I go past his cage. I put treats for him in his dish when he isn't guarding it and I offer him a scratch or a step up and when he shows he is not interested, I just go about my day. I will admit, it gets to me sometimes too. I came in knowing he might never accept me, but watching him suddenly get all sweet with someone else does sting a little. Take your time, don't try too hard and bide your time, it will change. Gilbert took a swipe at both David and Rachel today. It is the nature of the beast, so to speak. We can love them through their transitions and just enjoy interactions that are not hands on when they give us that grace. Tango will likely come back to seeking your attention too.

[itsjustnikki]

I'm glad I'm not alone. It's just so hard because I have had him since he was a baby (he's 7 now) and my boyfriend has only been around him for 2 years. He luckily still lets me do most things with him, just no snuggling or head scratches when John is around. I am able to do scratches sometime when John is not home, but as soon as he is, its all about him. Some days are worse than others and those are the ones that get me upset. I know it probably sounds lame, but it kinda breaks my heart. That's how I found this forum. I was google searching behaviors. I wish I had know about this place sooner. I've definitely been through a lot with Tango and having other people with greys would have been awesome. Some of my friends think I'm ridiculous because he is "just a bird." I hate that phrase more than anything. I don't say to them, "oh, it is just a cat..." Sorry went off on a bit of a rant.

 

Thank you everyone who has responded. I feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one. Also, I don't know if I'm supposed to click the Thanks button, but I do when someone responds to me.

[8oh8faka]

Yes. I used to have a goffin cockatoo and I adopted him from someone when he was already an adult and not a baby. And you know how they say it is better to get a parrot when it is still a baby so it bonds with you. But anyways my cockatoo would do the something that your grey is doing. He would try to bite me, go nuts when I would try to grab him or pet him. So you are not alone. And ontop of that he would only like everyone else in the family but me. So I know how it feels. You don't feel like you are getting that full potential of parrot love that you thought you would get when you first got your grey. I do not really know if this is a problem that can be fixed between you and your grey. It seems like s/he already has his/her set of ways.

[CLB]

We are all in this together! Feel free to vent when you need to. You have some greyt friends here on this forum. I hope all the stories and advice helps you as much as it has helped me. Everyone has a different relationship with their birds...it seems there is no one size fits all when it comes to living with a grey! I am told with time, things can change again.

[chezron]

Brutus likes me as his special person. I am so glad because i would have been sooo upset had he switched his affections to my husband. This is not to say they do not have a good relationship, they do. Larry had to actively work on it though. Brutus lets him pick him up and loves to listen to him talk. He learns most of everything he says from my husband and uses his voice. Brutus also gets very excited when Larry gets home. The ONLY thing Brutus doesn't do with Larry is snuggle. He even gives him kisses on occasion. Sometimes Brutus will sit on his leg while watching tv but petting is not allowed. Still, pretty sweet. Be patient I think you can develop a deeper relationship with your bird. You might also consider rehoming an adult bird that clearly shows his preference for you. Since Brutus prefers me, we rehomed an Amazon that prefers men.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

My goal for having a family that a grey will except, required some work. Number one, the family needs to rethink their goals. You can reach me thru e-mail kins2321@yahoo.com Nancy