BeeFernandez22 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 This has me so upset.. I had picked out my baby quite awhile ago, and have visited 3-4 times since choosing. At the age I picked my baby (5 weeks) my breeder said they all pretty much act the same so you can't really pick based on personality or anything. Last time I saw my baby was two weeks ago. All of the babies still pretty much acted the same- allowed you to hold them, pet them, etc. Today when I went over there, my baby wanted nothing to do with me or the other two babies and was pretty much hanging out in the corner of their play table the whole time I was there. When I did pick him/her up, he would fly back off of me. The other two wanted to play, wanted to be pet, socialize, etc. I expressed my concerns to my breeder and she said he is definitely the most reserved of the group and does not like to play with the other birds but plays well on his own so he is just more of a loner. This really upsets me. I know they are not "snuggly" birds by nature, but I would like it if mine would at least like to socialize with me. One of the babies she has now is extremely social and to spare you all the story behind it, may be available for sale again. She said if this happens, she would be open to me switching. Also, she has another baby that a fellow breeder has been caring for that she says I could meet next week and possibly switch with as well. I feel as though I am already a horrible bird owner for even entertaining the idea of swapping and turning my back on the baby I am supposed to be picking up in a month in a half. What should I do? Am I horrible for feeling this way? She said she would spend extra time with my baby and see if he becomes a bit more social. Ughhhh... I just feel so sad, upset, confused, and guilty. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) No one can "Pick" a grey at 5 weeks old. The grey's will pick whom they like over time and visits. At around 10 to 12 weeks old the ones coming to you are the ones you should chose from. I understand this is upsetting for you and completely understand. Hopefully this all works out between you and the breeder and you can chose the one you want that reciprocates in like manner over time. Our breeder wound up with one grey that became very standoffish and actually attacked me and the breeders after he/she was about 10 weeks old. Needless to say that grey wound up being a breeder and was not sold, but kept by the breeders. Edited June 15, 2012 by danmcq Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeFernandez22 Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 I am so glad to hear you say that it is not just me. I felt like such a horrible person for feeling like this. Still do. But I just do not feel like my bird wants to bond with me at all. The one that currently has an owner but may become available again kept wanting me to pet him and play with him and genuinely wanted attention from me. I pretty much spent my whole visit interacting with him simply because mine didn't want any part of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingy Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 At this stage of the game none of the babies really know you, including the one you had originally chose, so you aren't abandoning one in favor of another. I don't think you would be a bad parront for switching to one that is better suited to you. You aren't letting anyone down or doing a bad thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Just hang in there. I believe it will work out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Dan is right, it is much too early in the game for them to be very social and they will be more interested in their caregiver right now as the breeder is the one feeding them so they are favored right now. You haven't bonded with the one you initially chose so if you are able to choose another who seems to have more of the type of personality you are wanting then there should be no problems. Don't beat yourself up over nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWIX Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 You are paying the money and you should get the baby you want, not the baby they want to sell you. If you are not happy with the baby from the start, what will happen when you take him home? This is just my own opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I agree with our forum members that there is nothing wrong with getting a different baby when you see them growing and don't have a connection to the one you originally chose. This is a life time commitment. Bringing home your baby should be joyous and never a case of buyers remorse. It would do a lot more harm in the long run to try to make it work with a baby that is not meant for you. It's hard to know without being there to see if the little guy is just curious and looking to get into things rather than interacting or if he is set aside from the others by his own choices or other reasons. If the breeder is saying he is a loner or that they will try to bring him around, it seems to be a red flag, they know the natural behavior of the clutch and have experience. I think if you are feeling reluctant, follow your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywings Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Yep I believe in allowing the bird to help in choosing so please don't feel bad and things are always changing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywings Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Why would they choose to use a bird with that attitude in their breeding program? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Why would they choose to use a bird with that attitude in their breeding program? Because a grey that prefers a flock rather than humans is a perfect breeder most the time. The personality trait does not necessarily carry over to clutches that grey and it's mate produce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeFernandez22 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 He isn't mean or anything, he just didn't seem to have any desire to interact with me at all. He cowered when I would go to pick him up and fly off of me immediately after I did so. She says he plays well by himself, he just doesn't seem to have a desire to interact with the other birds or socialize with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeFernandez22 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 The problem is that all of the birds right now are spoken for with the exception of the one I am meeting on Tuesday. The one I have bonded with in my last couple visits has a deposit down on him/her but my breeder cannot get in touch with the buyer and they have not even come to visit once. They mailed in their deposit and that was the only bird left available. If she cannot get back in touch and the sales becomes void, that particular baby would then be "up for grabs" so to speak, and I could then choose that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snoepgoed123 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 don't give up hope yet... When I was visiting Archimedes when he was a baby, there were days where he was all over me, and there were days when he wanted nothing to do with me... just like people, these fluff balls have their good days and their bad days, their *on my own days* and *i don't ever want you to leave me* days... If nothing changes by the time your little one gets older, you may want to consider changing, and if you do, don't feel bad, it may allow your little one to meet someone who could fit his or her needs better. However I am still hoping he/she will come around and be the cuddlyish grey you want him to be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave007 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) Why would they choose to use a bird with that attitude in their breeding program? Pairs of breeder greys have very little tolerance of people. They make the best breeders. They'll quickly bond to another breeder bird. They'll focuis that bond strictly to the mate and that's the way it'll remain. A very young bird that will be a breeder has to live in an aviary environment with other potential breeders. Actual successful breeding won't occur until the breeders re approx 6 yrs old. To give a simple example of breeder grey vs pet grey------put a family bonded pet grey in with a proven breeder grey and the breeder grey will most likely seriously maim or even kill the pet grey. Edited June 15, 2012 by Dave007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeblizered Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Hello, I think though your point is valid, you must wait for sometime for you baby to get acquainted with enjoying life. Once it grows up, it will understand the importance of keeping the company.This will make it socialize with you. I hope this piece of advice helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momo Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 i also agree with other member,there is no wrong to choose the baby that you want.they can live more 50 years so actually its wise to choose the ''favorite'' one. before i got momo,i was being offer to younger grey and i visit her 3 times but she dsnt like me at all and i heard momo making noise,come near to me.when i was there,he dsnt even stop look at me what im doing and listen what im saying to him.at that time,i realize momo found me and i took him home. now i have a good bond with him and i know i made a right choice that time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 It's a tough situation to be in. I don't think greys or parents can really choose before sixteen weeks. Thats when their personality really shines. My belief is, birds pick us. I was lucky that Sophie was two, when four families scrambled to adopt her. She chose us. The most "inexperienced" family. Our interview was horrible. She was all over me, couldn't answer any of the owners questions. Second interview, was just as bad! She was all over me, distracting me again. He chose us. When I asked him why, he laughed! He didn't pick us... Sophie did! When Sean wanted a new baby bird, I told him he could get any bird he wanted. I explained to him, birds tend to pick the parent. " LISTEN!" Kiki was on the playgym at the birdstore, flew to him immediately! LOL! The decision was made. Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayd Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Pairs of breeder greys have very little tolerance of people. They make the best breeders. They'll quickly bond to another breeder bird. They'll focuis that bond strictly to the mate and that's the way it'll remain. A very young bird that will be a breeder has to live in an aviary environment with other potential breeders. Actual successful breeding won't occur until the breeders re approx 6 yrs old.To give a simple example of breeder grey vs pet grey------put a family bonded pet grey in with a proven breeder grey and the breeder grey will most likely seriously maim or even kill the pet grey. Thank you Dave........... Jay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 I think i can add to this conversation since the same thing happened to me. The grey I initially picked turned out to be unfriendly, in spite of much cajoling on my part, and bribes of fruit. I finally decided, right before i would be able to take him home that he was not the right bird for me. I am VERY GLAD I made that decision since I found the perfect bird a year later. They chose you, and Brutus chose me. I picked him up and knew right away that the relationship was right. He was calm and enthusiastic all at the same time. It was an amazing experience for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheebamaster Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Treasure your grey for its personality. Just because it doesn't necessarily "fit in" with the other greys does not mean it will make a bad pet. When I went to see my grey I visited the store about 4-5 days a week. Luna was very apprehensive of me for the longest time and she is an extremely independent bird. She is not cuddly in the least but I absolutely love her to death. The most amazing thing about greys is their intelligence. Treasure them for their amazing personalities and quirks and be ready to literally add an addition to your family. Even though at face value, this particular grey doesn't seem to want much to do with you, that will change, but in its own particular way. It is still way too young to assess anything particular. While that particular grey may be more independent and different it will not be any better or worse than another grey. Naturally these birds are very demanding and independent. He/she will have her own individual personality quirks that you will grow to love. Just give it the chance to do so Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray P Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 (edited) You have been given many opininos by many members who are speeking from their heart. In the end its up tp you to decide on the grey you feel will be the best choice for the BOTH of you in long run. Edited June 16, 2012 by Ray P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Follow your heart.I got Sophie at the age of two. I wish I had, had the opportunity to know her as a baby. I'm sure I wouldn't have done anything different, as she had a GREAT parent. I just " miss", what would it have been like? Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffNOK Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 As I read your post, I couldn't help but think about my experience with Gracie my 10 month old CAG. She was very much as you describe your prospective fid. She would step up, but fly off. She didn't give me much attention. She was more interested in her clutch mates and exploring her surroundings. There were two other babies there who were much more affectionate and interested in people. I had doubts about my decision too. I wondered if we would ever bond once I brought her home. Well, I have had her for over six months and we are very bonded. She is not a cuddller. She doesn't like to be touched except for beak rubs with my nose (which she loves!). Fingers and hands are not welcome yet. She always steps up and never bites. But she shows me in many ways that I am her world. When I am home she has her eye on me every minute. We play with toys together and sing and whistle and talk together (well she only says a few words). She greets me with joy every morning when I uncover her cage. She hates it when I leave. When I come home from work it is like Christmas has arrived. If I walk out of the room, she begins her contact calls right away. She loves me and wants me near. I don't regret for a moment that I invited her into my life. The cuddles and scritches may or may not come in the future, but she expresses her love in many other ways. Even when I brought her home, she only slowly started to bond. I would say it was about 6 weeks before I really felt like we were bonding. It has been steady progress since. You have to follow your heart, and there is certainly nothing wrong with choosing another fid that seems more eager for your attention. I can only speak from my experience and say that I am glad I didn't change my mind. Some things are meant to be and others aren't. I will pray that you know what to do when the time comes. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywings Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Dave I was thinking more along the lines of the aggressive bird you mentioned not the shy independent baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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