Gracie Pulling My Heart Strings

[JeffNOK]

I have had Gracie a little over two months. We have a pretty predictable daily rouitine. We get up at 6:45 and do the feeding, watering, and cage cleaning. Gracie is out of her cage until about 8:30 when I have to put her back and leave for work. I got my class schedule rearranged so that I am home by 2 PM. I am with her the rest of the afternoon and evening in general except when I go to the gym for an hour or need to shop. If I do anything social, it is on the weekend when I am with her the whole day prior to going out.

 

Well over the last couple of weeks whenever Gracie sees me get my coat and grab my keys, she stops whatever she is doing and cries out to me. I tell her I have to go and I will be back,but her cries get louder and more frequent as I climb down my staircase to the door. I can hear her continue to cry once I am outside and the door is locked. It is heartbreaking!

 

I am beginning to think it is time to start taking her to work with me. I originally planned to take her right after I brought her home, but our few outings seemed to be too much too soon, and it set us back a bit. The trust wasn't built yet. Do you think maybe it is time to try again? Our bond is much much stronger and my employer has given me permission to have Gracie with me in my classroom.

Any advice?

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

Nope. Not time!The parent/child relationship still needs work. Your baby still makes the decisions, thriving on your guilt. A normal response, as a parent. Once your baby steps up, shoulder status( meaning, never bites you), THEN you can consider it! Usually takes around six months.

I know I sound harsh, but I'm not. I have an excellent relationship with Sophie. Alot of work to get here, but the first six months were very important. Those months were spent establishing trust. I am her mom, I make the decisions. She would scream " ROM, ROM, come!" I would come quick... she would say Hi! I would say hi back!She tested me over and over.

Once our relationship was established, I was able to establish what behavior was acceptable, and what was not. Nancy

[JeffNOK]

kins2231--I'm not in a rush. I want to begin taking her to work when it is the right time. It is hard to know when that will be. I don't know if a "Never Bite" bird is realistic, however. She very rarely nips. It does seem like most people here in this forum get bitten from time to time. She does pretty much step up without fail (although she may complain at first if I am putting her to bed). I'm glad that you and Sophie are so close. I aspire to have a relationship with Gracie like that. I know it will take much time--years in fact. I appreciate the advice. If six months is a rough estimate, that means in another four months I may be ready to give it a try. That will be summertime, so the weather will definately be warmer than it is now-- which is a plus when taking birds around. By the way, did you get Sophie as a baby? Gracie doesn't talk yet (she is almost 7 months old). My heart will really break if she said "Daddy don't go!". LOL The road ahead will be interesting.

Edited February 23, 2012 by JeffNOK

[chezron]

I say go for it!

[birdhouse]

I really think parronts & fids have to work out their own relationships based on their own unique combination of personalities. Trial & error is the only way to find out how you work together. I just think the trick is to stay out of the deep end of the pool until you get some idea of how well you can swim.

 

It seems like the communication & bond between you is miles beyond where they were at Xmas. You haven't mentioned anything about reorienting Gracie to her travel cage. But if you think she's ready, how about just taking her outside after school tomorrow?

 

She may be a little overwhelmed at first. I remember Kura being afraid of the wind. lol But if you just keep part of the cage covered & stay close, Gracie sounds like the type to get acclimated pretty well.

 

Once she's comfy w/that maybe a few visits to a friend's house &/or a short couple of visits to school after hours? You could also take her to the park after school or whenever & see how she responds to all the activity.

 

You'll probably attract some attention, too. So you'll both get a chance to get comfortable w/strangers coming up to her. That might also be good practice for when you start taking her w/you during the school day.

 

Basically, I think it's a good idea to REstart slowly & see how you both handle the wide world together. Nothing formal & no stress. Pretty soon Gracie should be able to tell you when she's ready for her first day of school.

Edited February 22, 2012 by birdhouse

[JeffNOK]

birdhouse: Rather than getting her used to her pak o bird carrier--I brought out a more open travel cage. It has been sitting next to her main cage since New Year. She eats her veggies and plays on it. I have placed her inside it a couple of times without incident. I may try short experiences outside like you suggested. Today will be 75 degrees outside, so we may do that this afternoon after class.

[Ronald Byrd]

She might do a lot better if you put on music or the tv when you leave. Her crying out might not be because she wants to go with you but because she doesn't want to be in a quiet house alone. This will at least give you more time to try birdhouse's suggestions.

Edited February 22, 2012 by Ronald Byrd

[danmcq]

birdhouse: Rather than getting her used to her pak o bird carrier--I brought out a more open travel cage. It has been sitting next to her main cage since New Year. She eats her veggies and plays on it. I have placed her inside it a couple of times without incident. I may try short experiences outside like you suggested. Today will be 75 degrees outside, so we may do that this afternoon after class.

 

Your approach to getting her used to the carrier before the first outing in it is great! We tarted taking our grey Dayo in carriers when he was just 12 weeks old from the breeders home to ours , where he would spend 4 or 5 hours here then back to the breeders.

 

As was suggested, acknowledging contact calling is important, even if you do not physically go back in the room, a return call keeps them feeling secure knowing you are with in ear shot. She will get used to leaving, but will of course cry and break your heart leaving you feeling guilty. They are so needful when young. They call in the wild as well when both their parents fly off to get food. But once they know they are out of range, they settle down and just chill until the return with food.

 

AS she matures, you will find when you leave she will be anxious, but when you walk out the door amny times she will probably just say "ok, see ya later". She will be secure in the thought of knowing that you always return.l

 

I say go for it in regards getting her used to traveling, new places and new people. The more socialized she is, the better.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

Jeffnok... you and Gracie are one of my favorite families! I see the progress, and know in my heart, you guys are going to be JUST fine!Socialization, is vital, for what most grey parents strive for. Including me! Taking Gracie to work for eight hours, is too long, in my opinion, at this time. Her progress is fantastic!

Sophie was two, when we got her. She had a previous owner, that was wonderful. A racecar driver, that was too busy and knew he was not able to give her the attention she deserved. I was one of the lucky ones. A well adjusted bird, who didn't even blink, settling in. I waited for the honeymoon to be over, but it never was. Sure... she bit me! All birds bite!

Sophie was socialized slowly. First, to the kids, next to the revolving door of kids and friends that would come over.

One memory I will never forget was, my girlfriend stopped over. I asked her if I could bring Sophie in to sit with us. She was fine about it. ( she also had exotic birds).I had Sophie for about two months. I woyld have NEVER brought her out if I had known why she stopped by. She told me she was getting divorced. Started to cry! Of course I was consoling her. At one point in the conversation when my friend was crying the hardest.... Sophie started laughing. I mean, REALLY laughing I was horrified! My girlfrriend stopped crying, and starting laughing!!! My friend said. " you're right Sophie! I'm going to be JUST fine!" My friend ended up being " just fine!" She has never forgotten Sophie laughing during the " worst" day of her life. She told me, Sophie gave her hope. I guess I helped! LOL NOT! Just Sophie Nancy

[JeffNOK]

Kins--Very funny story. Leave it up to our fids to be appropropriately inappropriate! As far as the 8 hours. When the time comes to take Gracie to work--be it weeks or months from now--I will either take her just in the morning (9-12) or afternoon (1-2 or 3 depending) and use my lunch break as a transport time. I work only five minutes from home. I know she will need nap time during the day. I don't want her over stimulated. Thanks again for your thoughts.

[Life is Greyt]

I have taken Chickie to Petsmart a few times in her travel cage, to try and help socialize her. She gets TONS of attention and it gets her used to seeing all kinds of things. Maybe a few shorter trips, as others suggested, would be good to get her used to it. I think the others have given you great advice and I'm sure you'll work things out for you and Gracie.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

Four hours, is sooo much a better scenario. I suggest waiting until the " relationship, is fully established", for several reasons. First, you guys are working on your relationship. Complete trust, needs to be established. Second, I have never had a bird that chews their feathers. I am lucky. Greys chew, over the most ridiculous things! Slightest stress, sets them off. I believe a grey needs to learn " sense of self", meaning, I am AMAZING! Meaning... " I am awesome! I am superior to the world, you are invited to be part of my world. This doesn't give you a bird that thinks they are better.... but a bird that is secure with themself. Believe me, Sophie is not a snob, and has a difficult job, to be the lead bird Nancy

[judygram]

It might be wise to take Gracie on short outings first before you take her to work with you and if you can do half days that would be great until you see how she does with it.

[JeffNOK]

Well, today I did in fact take Gracie to class with me for one hour. I came home for lunch and when I was ready to go back to teach my last class, I just decided to give it a try. I was giving a test today in the class, so it would be relatively quiet. What I have come to realize is that Gracie isn't stressed by people or places so much as the transport process. She didn't like her pak-o-bird because it was small and very enclosed. By taking her in a relatively large open travel cage instead, the journey was pretty uneventful. She went in and out without a fuss. She had no problem meeting "new friends"--my students. She accepted treats from them and stepped up on two of the students without incident (For those of you that don't know--I teach adults, not children. I won't let children handle her) . She played on top of her travel cage while they were taking the test and occassionally gave out a happy little chirp. Before long she was sitting on one leg fluffed and clicking contentedly. The only unfortunate event that happened was that while on her travel cage--she backed her hind end over the edge and pooped on one of the students tests! He had his desk up against my dest at the front of the room next to Gracie's cage. The class laughed and Gracie chirped like she had done something noteworthy!

 

One thing I didn't mention is that the breeder I got Gracie from is a veteranarian. During the weeks she was being hand fed, she stayed in the back of the vet's office surrounded by constant activity. Workers milled in and out and lots of animals were around her as well-dogs, cats, numerous parrots, a chicken, and an 18 month old human toddler. I honestly think the trauma of her early travels was me stuffing her in a scary dark pak-o-bird, rather than meeting strangers or going new places.

 

My plan is to start taking her places with me for short visits like suggested. Maybe I rushed it by going to class, but it seemed to turn out fine. I think she enjoyed it. At first I plan on taking her to class once or twice a week for 1-3 hours. I have a nice big permanent cage I will set up in my classroom. I think it will make her feel secure. If at any point she seems like she doesn't want to go or is stressed, I will back off. I hope none of you think I disregarded your advice by taking her to class with me. I must admit it was sort of an impulsive decision.

Edited February 24, 2012 by JeffNOK

[Life is Greyt]

Congrats JeffNok!!! It sounds like things went really well. Maybe Gracie was giving the test she pooped on a C??? I think that things are sometimes better when impulsive because the less you worry about it, the less she will worry about it.

[JeffNOK]

LOL--Thankfully Gracie pooped on the test before the student actually started writing on it, so I could get a clean test for him. The consensus of the class was that Gracie was just wishing him good luck.

[Luvparrots]

When a whale blew water on me when I was whale watching I was told it was good luck. So I am curious to know what the student's grade was. Was the deposit good luck????? LOL!!!

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

JeffNOK...ALWAYS, trust your instincts! We give you suggestions, that are " generalized!" You did good! You felt she was ready, and yes, she was! I personally think the student that she pooped on the test, deserves an "A". LOL I will remind you of the advice I received when I fist adopted Sophie. He didn't pick me, Sophie did. He knew I had no knowlege of caring for a grey. He told me to learn the basics, diet and stepup. Other than that... LISTEN, to your grey. She will teach you! I have always remembered his parting thoughts, and have done exactly, what he suggested. Nancy

[chezron]

Nice job Jeff! You will have a wonderful life with your new buddy.

[oblivion]

I'm glad you went for it. Even though you say it was impulsive, it was a calculated impulse - you'd given it SOME forethought as your posting here shows. I agree with the thought that sometimes our own worry makes them nervous in turn. Be confident but considerate. Some nervousness is fine and perhaps expected. If you're seeing something more like fear, pull the plug and go home. From what you've said, I think it went great.

[aerial.2000]

It definately sounds like the classroom visit went over really well. Nicely done!