I've missed you all - long post

[Acappella]

Well, I've been popping in and out of forums for the past while, and thought it was time for a proper Dorian and his slave update. Just quickly for those who don't know, I've been missing because my dad was sent home to me as a palliative patient last spring and I was his 24/7 caregiver until his death on Oct. 8 2011. Unfortunately, my brother launched straight into an estate dispute (the funeral was on the 13th, and he was here on the 15th wanting to sell the house), but that's a story for the off-topic forum.

 

Dorian has been a champ. Dad was on the main floor of the house, and Dorian and I usually hang out in the basement (it has lots of light, don't worry). Well, dad was calling me upstairs 4-5 times an hour, and my knees were starting to give way - upstairs to dad, downstairs to Dorian, upstairs to dad, repeat to infinity... :eek: So I built Dorian a fabulous, if I do say so myself, playstand and told him we were going to spend our days above ground. Now, the Dorian that I brought home in 2007 would have taken a year to get close to the playstand, but he's so much braver and more confident now, he just stepped right onto it. What I believe helped was that I built it from scratch right in front of him, and I built it out of materials he already has in and around his cage. Plus he has a top-o-the-line stainless steel bell on it, and I know he can't resist a big, noisy bell.

 

When I first put it together upstairs dad was less than enthusiastic, first because it is huge, and second because Dorian was really fast figuring out how to hurl seeds and other rejected foodstuffs past the confines of the so-called tray at the base, but as long as I kept things clean, all of the bossy males in my home settled down (except Jac the cat, who still seems to hope one day he'll wake up and Dorian will have vanished:p). I attached a holder for big rolls of adding machine paper, and one of the first days I had the stand upstairs one of dads friends came to visit and told us when he pulled into the driveway he thought it was a big roll of toilet paper in the middle of the living room!!! When I went outside to take a look, that's exactly what it looked like!

 

These days upstairs led to a big breakthrough with Dorian. He was so afraid of hands when I brought him home that it took almost two years before he first stepped onto my hand and let me move him to other rooms in the house. The first catch was this - I could NEVER say 'step-up'. He would immediately start shaking if he heard that phrase because in his previous home they would ask him for a step-up and if he didn't, they would force a step-up or towel him. Plus, the only time they brought him out of his cage was to clip his feathers every few months. Mr. D. and I agreed that the phrase "wanna come with mom?" was a good replacement. The second catch was that he would never, ever, step-up from inside his cage. Never. NEVER! He would let me know he was ready to come with me by climbing to a specific perch on the ouside of his cage, and then lifting his foot for me to come get him, his obedient slave. I never stopped asking him to come with me from inside his cage though. Of course, when dad would call for me I had to go right away. I couldn't wait for Dorian to climb around to his chosen launching point. I'd ask him politely if he wanted to "come upstairs with mom", he'd decline, and I'd tell him "ok, I'll be back in a few minutes". When I got back downstairs he'd be waiting on the outside perch for me to get him.

 

Well, this went on for a couple of months, and then one day he just stepped-up from inside the cage!!!!!!!! I really didn't think we'd ever get to this point. It's just such a huge step for him. His trust and his desire to be near me means so much, especially because I know how nervous and dis-trustful he was when he first got here. Of course now when I'm doing something that means I can't carry him around, there he sits, waiving his little foot around in the air ever more impatiently, like a rain-soaked pedestrian trying to wave down the only taxi in town:D

 

We're still working on other issues. He'll come into the shower with me onto his perch that attaches with suction cups, happily chatting and singing away, but continues to believe that if water actually touches him he'll melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West. He's still not a big fan of being outside, although he did have some fun a couple of times this summer barking back at our neighbours dog, a Westie named Dougal. This, btw, confuses the heck out of poor Dougal because Dorian sounds exactly like him. He runs up and down the fence looking for the 'doggie' thats mocking him. Dorian still doesn't know that, as an African Grey, he's supposed to chew and destroy toys. He happily shreds paper in any form, but any other toy he mostly just beats around. He stills tries like a champ to get a taste of Jacs' tail, which is why there are no low perches on the playstand, and why I never leave them together unsupervised. Mostly, though, he's a dream bird, sitting quietly when I need a nap, and making me laugh on days when I don't feel like I'll ever laugh again. And every once in a while when I'm on the computer and he's chatting away to himself, I hear my dad's voice asking him "whatcha doin bird? You're a good bird, eh?" And he really is. <3

[Greywings]

Tears of joy for his building such a trusting relationship with you even during such a difficult time. I share your joy! As far as your brother remember we can select our friends but family we are given.

[Talon]

Acappella, it's so nice to hear from you again! You have been missed. I am sorry to hear of your dad and his passing. I am sure it has been difficult for you. But on a good note, Dorian seems to be making such progress! What a special bond you have formed with him. I would love to see a picture ofthe is play stand you made, it sounds amazing!

 

I hope others read your story, it is a pure example of what patience and love can do. Instead of being pushy and having expectations, you allowed Dorian to trust and bond and react to you on his own terms and it has paid off tenfold! Please don't be a stranger, and I would love to see an updated picture of Dorian when you can.

[Acappella]

I do sort of giggle when a new parront is here wondering why their bird isn't stepping up or letting them cuddle when the bird has only been theirs for a couple weeks or months. When I preach patience, you know I practice what I preach! And when I say It Is So Worth It!!!!!!

[Barbara2]

Awesome story! So glad that things are going well for you and Dorian. Also sorry about your dad. Hope things look up for you this year.

[Luvparrots]

What a lovely update on Dorian and the last line brought tears to my eyes. Your post gives me heart to know that someday, Louie, the zon, and I will hopefully be able to slowly but surely move forward with love and patience.

[DawL]

When I read this story, I was greatly touched. It hit home for me. I lost my dad 5 years ago. It was Dec. 21st, and it was a very sudden thing. He was 47, not married, and I was his oldest daughter. My sister was 17 at the time. My uncle, and cousin on that side of the family was at his house the next day with tow trucks to tow his cars to their house. I spent everything I had in savings to fight them, and get back all the things they took (which was pretty much everything) and it was very hard. I will say that I guess things get easier as time goes on, but they never get better. I am very sorry to hear of the loss of you dad, and I wish you all the best.

 

It sounds like Dorian really cares for you. Sometimes it does take a very long time for even the simplest things to happen with our fids, but when they do it is so very sweet. Would love to see photos of Dorian, and this great playstand you made

[katana600]

Thanks so much for the update. It was during a very rough time in my life that Dorian singing along with you helped me catch my own breath and put one foot in front of another until we walked through our grief. Last March we brought home our little Gilbert at 7-10 years of age and started the long road of building trust with an older bird. I hadn't realized Dorian was rehomed until this post. It is so good to have you with us to learn more from you. I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard to come back after such an intense caring period, but you and Dorian have been through a lot together and it has been good for him. I am also wishing you a better year coming with lots of singing and joy.

[birdhouse]

I'm sorry things haven't been all great & I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

But it sounds like Dorian's been a ray of sunshine while he continues to progress so well. It's amazing what wonders a truckload of love & acceptance & a boatload of patience can achieve w/these guys.

 

Very nice to see such a long post from you. Hope to see a lot more.

[judygram]

Marguerite you have been missed but we do what we have to when life hands us our fate, sorry to hear of your dad's passing, I bet you were a great help to him.

You have come a long way with Dorian and so glad to hear that things are going well for you both.

[chezron]

Great job and congratulations on all your progress with Dorian. So happy for you. My condolences for your Dad.