Needing A Bit of Reasurance

[JeffNOK]

I just got back from visiting my baby at the breeders and I'm feeling a bit low. As I've mentioned, Gracie is pretty independent. She doesn't like to be handled a lot although she will step up and occassionally rests on my finger for a few minutes. Most of the time however, she likes to fly from perch to perch, play with other bird's toys, and play with some of the other babies that are there--particularly her cage mate.

Well, when I went today there was a woman there getting to know two of the other babies who are available. These two other birds seem pretty docile and like cuddles, pets and scritches. The woman asked me if I handled Gracie much, and I told her that I wasn't pushing at this point because I wanted Gracie to make up her own mind about things.

The woman looked at me and said, "Well, it's only gonna get worse, then." She then proceeded to grab Gracie, forced her to step up, pinned her toes to her finger so she couldn't fly away and began to rub and pet her.

Gracie was not pleased. She protested, tried to fly away and even gave the woman a "pinch" on the finger. I asked the woman to let Gracie go. She finally let her fly off to a perch. Her comment before leaving was that Gracie was "a cranky one"

The whole thing really upset me. I didn't like Gracie being treated that way. But also I just wanted some reassurance from the group that I'm doing the right things. This is early days. Gracie and I haven't bonded yet by any means. We are just getting familiar with each other. I've been going to see her daily for about 3 weeks, and we don't seem to be making much progress. I know I shouldn't expect much until she finally comes home, but part of me was stung by the woman's statement that "It's just gonna get worse", and "she's a cranky one".

I just love my little girl and hope we have a rich life together. Should I be worried?

Edited November 4, 2011 by JeffNOK

[danmcq]

I would not give much credence to this womans comments and thoughts. I would have reacted a litle more aggressive to her than you did if she had treated my baby grey like that while I was at the breeders.

 

Gracie comes to you, says hi and then wants to play during the "Out Time" she has in my opinion. I assume she comes to you when you arrive to say hello voluntarily?

 

The reason I ask, is because we started visiting the breeders a few days a week when the two grey clutches were 6 weeks old and let them interact with us as they please to see if one would chose us. Dayo (which we named later) started coming over and so did a female grey. They would wonder over, step up, hang out for a few than go play, walk/fly around (once they sprouted full primaries) and just have fun during their out time.

 

If this is how your visits are going, your doing fine.

[Luvparrots]

You were nicer to this lady than I would have been. I would have given this woman what for, for even touching my grey and told her where she could get off!!! If you are happy with Gracie's attitude then why would you let some lady off the streets attitude bother you. My greys are both independent, shoot all my parrots are independent and can entertain themselves. I do not like clinging birds if I wanted a clinging velcro bird I would have gotten a cockatoo. My greys come for their cuddles and enjoy my company but they can all play alone and enjoy themselves without me. Let her enjoy her playmates so that she will be able to enjoy other parrots when she sees some later in her life. Pooh pooh to this old know it all. Be happy that you have found a grey you love and enjoy!

[JeffNOK]

Dan, yes Gracie comes to me to say "hi" voluntarily. I never have any issue with getting her to step up or come to me when I visit. She knows my voice and seems happy when I show up. But I agree, I think she realizes that when I take her out, this is her time to explore and play and test her wings. When she is in a relaxed mood she will stay in one spot, and I will talk with her and sing to her and she really seems to enjoy that. One day she sat on my hand for about 10 minutes just yawing and preening while I sang and whistled to her. When she has energy, though, she does tend to spend her out of cage time seeing what mischief she can get into. As far as how I reacted to that woman, I wanted to wring her neck, but I worried that a tense situation would upset Gracie more, so I just calmly told her to let Gracie go. I can't wait to get Gracie home and really start to build a relationship. I'm in it for the long haul and deep down I know we are gonna be a good match.

Edited November 4, 2011 by JeffNOK

[MarcusCAG]

I'm in it for the long haul and deep down I know we are gonna be a good match.

 

And that's what's important, isn't it? You're already a great daddy to your little girl... don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

Edited April 1, 2016 by MarcusCAG

[brianlinkles]

Jeffnok, Gracie's behavior seems totally normal for a grey. This is one of the reasons that my breeder is in favor of letting a baby fledge and then giving it a small clip. It makes for an easier time training. I'm not sure if you are going to end up getting Gracie clipped, in fact I was going to take Dorothy in to clip her yesterday and then decided against it. However I am bringing her in tomorrow for her clip. I may let her grow out her wings after that however I think for now it will make it easier. Some birds are more cuddly, some more independant just like people. You have plenty of time to bond with Gracie. I know it is controversial however this is one of the reasons that I decided to bring Dorothy home while still formula feeding. I'm not saying that you should do this, however it has allowed me to snuggle and pet Dorothy all over, it is easy to do this right after her feeding. She is quiet and loves to get wrapped in a little blanket, I then pet her everywhere as many greys have problems being touched under their wings etc. This allows them to be handled at the vet or for clips etc. I took the advice of the breeder and made sure that even while snuggling we made it a teaching moment! I would have been irate if someone grabbed my bird and said those things to me! I think you handled it better than I would have! One of the things that my breeder told me was that I should make sure to allow Dorothy alone time in her cage. He said that feeding her,snuggling then allow her to occupy herself in he cage (lots of toys, different textures etc.) Then time out of the cage again maybe around 3pm (she is very perky then) Then once again time to occupy herself in the cage alone. She gets another feeding more snuggling then in the evening we play on the floor with toys etc. In between I do sit in front of her cage with the door open and talk and talk to her! I let her crawl out of her cage to he playtop and I give her time on her playstand/tree. My breeder thinks it is important to make sure in the first year that the bird learns to occupy themselves in the cage. Many people in their excitement bring home the babies, give them sooooo much attention then real life kicks in , there is not that same amount of time that is able to be given and the bird turns into a screamer, plucker etc. I have trusted everything that they have told me and I have to say it has worked out great! When Gracie comes home gets used to being with you and your home schedule etc. she will blossom! However do remember birds are like people many different personalities! One of my favorite greys of all time is a girl at the breeder. Her name is Boomer, she walks all over, greet people, will let anyone pick her up. She is also independant. She travels all over the tops of the other birds cages! She has a great personality, she goes out exploring but then comes back for a scratch or two! There is a great book about a grey names Gracie. It's called: Winging it . Have you read it? It is funny, it is a memoir of bringing up an african grey. Now this Gracie is a handful, your baby sounds just like most greys her age!

[jodi_odo]

I've had my baby home for a couple of weeks now, and when I went to see him at the breeders he would come see me to say hello, then be off on his merry way too. If I tried to force the issue of holding him and making him spend time with me, he would nip at my fingers til I let him down. So I thought the same as you about finding a better match, however...I am really happy I didn't! The first few days at home were pretty ruff, Perry didn't want to step up, or come anywhere near me, would give me the "come any closer and i'm gonna bite you" look, but now he is the sweetest and a very cuddly guy (at least for a few minutes at a time several times a day). I think that you will find all the love you are looking for out of your gracie too, after she comes home and gets adjusted, as you will be the only one she is familiar with.

[JeffNOK]

As far as clipping, I'm going to avoid it if possible. But I don't judge anyone who chooses to do that. Sometimes it may be a benefit. I will cross that bridge after I get her home and see how things go. The truth is, that she is pretty good about stepping up and going where I need her to go. If that continues I don't believe I will need to clip her. I think she will be a handful. She is curious and has a big zest for life--which is great. I think that shows intelligence. I just have to remind myself that we have years and years and years to find our stride. I have a lot to learn, but Gracie and I will learn together. I plan on taking her with me most places I go. I am a teacher and I have permission to take her to class with me. I have a cage and playstand ready for set up in my classroom. I teach adults English as a second language in small classes with 8-12 students who I think will be respectful with Gracie. She is going to have a world of adventures and lots of sights and sounds in her future.

[JeffNOK]

Jodi-odo--Thanks a lot for sharing your experience with Perry. I believe that Gracie will get comfortable and be just like you describe your fid. I'm already so enamored with Gracie that I know we will be OK. It's good to hear encouragement, though. I suppose I have wondered for a few seconds here and there whether she will be the right match for me, but for whatever reason I just love her to death already and I am not even tempted to tell my breeder I would rather have one of the other greys available (cuddly though they may be). Something just happened when I met my little grey fireball and there is no going back now. She is my baby.

[brianlinkles]

What a great opportunity to be able to take Gracie with you to work! That will be a wonderful experience for both Gracie and you! (not to mention your students) I do love that book that I mentioned, they had a handful with their bird. She was a wild caught grey that was given to them years ago. It is a fun book to read, I am sure that you are going to have way less problems with your Gracie! (I love that name by the way!) I read the book when I was waiting for Dorothy to come home, I couldn't decide if it scared me or got me even more excited to bring her home! We need to see some more pictures of Gracie! It is great that you are going to visit her daily, that is going to do lots to help with the bonding! Trust me, as much as Dorothy can be a cuddler at times, she can be a handful as well! I think that is just a normal situation with baby greys, they are inquisitive (I too think it shows intelligience! Is she making lots of noises when you talk to her? I know it is way too early for them to speak but I love when they make all the different noises as we talk to them!)

[danmcq]

Something just happened when I met my little grey fireball and there is no going back now. She is my baby.

 

That is the defining moment in time. No other would do.

[katana600]

You are well on the way to bringing home a delightful companion. You and Gracie will be a great team. Of course when you are new and getting your first grey there are times when you will wonder if you are doing the right things. That doubt and willingness to come to a forum, ask questions, get to know others with experience is what I believe is the mark of a conscientious caretaker. You are doing your homework, you are making great strides and learning so much from your breeder and from Gracie. When a stranger has to be discouraging, it is all about her, and not about you or Gracie. I would however ask the breeder to watch carefully and not permit this person to have further contact with her. It won't be long now and Gracie will be home with you and your journey will continue. Glad you are part of our forum.

[Malikah]

Kito has never been cuddly either, but she is still very sweet. It just makes those rare times when she actually asks for scritches all the more precious. That lady doesn't understand birds at all. Free will (within the limits of safety, health care, and good bird citizenship) is one of the greatest gift we can give our companion parrots.

[JeffNOK]

I'm feeling a lot better thanks to all of the encouragement here on the forum. I'm looking forward to sharing my progress with Gracie after she comes home. I'll be getting her while I am off from school, so we will have plenty of time to get to know each other in a quiet new environment.

[Life is Greyt]

I think you are doing everything right for Gracie, and that woman was just being plain rude. If you were to force yourself on Gracie it would just make her resent you. Since you respect her for who she is and allow her to be herself, she will only love you more for it. Sorry you had to go through that, as that would have been very upsetting to me too as a new grey owner, but sounds like you guys are doing just fine to me.

[Eshana]

The wonderful thing about Greys, and other parrots, is that like children, they have their own, unique personalities. (run on sentence? ouch...)

 

Gracie may be independent, but that just shows her strong character. Maybe in the long run if you need to go overnight somewhere, she won't worry too much, or when you're busy with work, she won't nag and nag. I'm sure that she will still want the cuddles and the wubs though...you just need to give her time.

 

That woman that grabbed Gracie and made her stay on her hand while she forced her to submit to being pet is the same sort of woman that makes their kids diet at three years old! They think that just because society says baby birds love to be cuddled, that every bird needs to be cuddled.

 

If you understand that your Gracie has an unique personality, then you will be an amazing parent!

[JeffNOK]

I want Gracie to be who she is meant to be. I don't have any preconceived notions about what that should look like. Having said that, I want us to be close. How "close" is defined is yet to be seen. I watch LuvParrots videos of her Amazon Louie, who won't let her even touch him, and yet I see a very close relationship and a fid who really loves his mom.

Edited November 6, 2011 by JeffNOK

[chezron]

Allowing your bird to fledge and learn to fly, BEFORE clipping it's wings (if you choose THAT option) is super important in developing your bird's self confidence. While learning to fly, I believe they feel more in control of their environment and less anxious about change, in general. My bird loves to fly and is absolutely giddy with excitement and self confidence with his flying skills. He is just joyful (there are no other words to describe it) when he swoops across the open living area of our house. I could never take that away from him, although, we must be super vigilant about opening doors.

[chezron]

I think the way you are handling things with Gracie is spot on. Please don't take the mean lady's comments and techniques to heart. Gracie really likes you or she wouldn't act as fond of you as she does.

[JeffNOK]

I had two great visits with Gracie today. She stayed on me the whole time as I played with her while holding some toys she likes. She also discovered she likes the buttons on my shirt! I will have to distract her from those. She even let me kiss her on the beak and the head. I also gently rubbed the sides of her beak a bit. She doesn't seem to mind that. I also introduced her to a bit of apple. She mouthed it and chewed it a bit, but then dropped it. I'll keep looking for that perfect treat.

[Merlin]

Nawww, what a rough lady fancy treating a Grey so forcefully and impatiently. Gracie sounds like such a sweet, confident little baby you must be super excited.

 

Winging It is an awesome book. It has certainly helped to settle my 'me and everything needs to be 100% perfect' nerves. I will probably read it every time I start to wonder if I'm doing the right thing (deep down I know what's best )