Jane08 Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 Hello, I'm hoping someone can help me. My boyfriend bought an African Grey and he is 5 months old. He has had him for 3 weeks now. Anyway the bird has decided to bond with me and will only let me stroke him and actually flies to me and runs to me when he sees me. The brid is mean to my boyfriend and won't let him touch it and launches at him with his beak open as if to bite him. He is a totally different bird when I am around. It makes it difficult as well because I don't live with my boyfriend so he is the sole person looking after the bird most of the time. It's really putting alot of stress on us and it makes me feel like I don't want to visit my boyfriend because I hate to see him upset when the bird gives me all the attention. Is it possible to train this behaviour out of him, should I stay away for an extended time, or should I go over but just sit there and not interact with the bird? Thanks for your help. Very stressed girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest briansmum Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 hi and welcome i'm sorry to say theres not really anything you can do, the bird has chosen you as his human. you can't make a grey like someone it doesnt. mine is exactly the same with my boyriend, so i understand exactly how your boyfriend is feeling. please try not to let it interferre with your relationship and i wouldnt reccomend staying away. just perhaps try ignoreing the bird a little when you are there and reassure your boyfriend that is possible the bird may suddenly just change his mind. given that you are not there all the time your not his main carer, so stop paying him attention when you are there and you should become "just another person" to the bird. in the mean time your boyfriend could try clicker training with the bird and useing the a stick to step up rather than his hand. check out this link for ideas on training http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkI9PvOsjS0 he must not be upset or resent the bird for likeing you more as it will pick up on this and thus see himself higher in the pecking order than your boyfriend.<br><br>Post edited by: xxbeccyxx, at: 2007/09/10 12:22 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane08 Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 Thanks for you reply, it really helps. My boyfriend has been doing the clicker training and it's going really well. The bird also has no problem stepping up onto the hand when given the command, actually he is fabulous at it. He never bites my boyfriend when he is on his hand, it's just if he tries to stroke him. Although this morning he did fly straight at my boyfriend and bit his ear and it was bleeding. It's so hard to ignore the bird when he flies to me and then tries to snuggle under my chin and makes it known with those baby noises that he wants to be cuddled. He is so cute though. We are going to attend a weekend traning course in October, so I'm hoping the lady who takes it can help us out a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest briansmum Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 that's good to hear jane and i hope the training course helps although it sounds like your boyfriend is making slow but steady progress. i know how hard it must be to refuse the cuddles but for now it is best he tries to learn that your boyfriend is good for cuddles too. he may not cuddle him like he does you, but it is aways best to try. never say never. let us know how things go, particularly with the training course Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 It is could to hear that the Clicker Training is working and that your Boyfriend can get him to step up without biting. It just sounds like the Grey prefers you, but also understands your Boyfriend is his primary care giver, just not the one your Grey wants to "Neck" with. ;-) So, patience and time will build trust and closeness between your Boyfriend and Grey. But, just do as Beccy suggested and avoid cuddles for now. Time and Patience are the key with Greys :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMustee Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 I've read that Greys can change their humans at different times, but it's all up to the bird. I've been working with my grey to like my boyfriend so just incase something were to happen to me and I was not able to care for him (like a hospital stay) he would be able to care and love on him for me. I have my boyfriend show dominance over him by ignoring the screaming and biting and have him talk in a calm soothing tone that “it’s alright, not going to hurt you”…this has worked wonders and he now will cuddle with him as well. There is still the occasional screech and nip but nothing that lasts over a second or too, then it’s back to scratches. Let us all know how the training goes because I would love to hear any tips and tricks you find out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane08 Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 I will let you know how the training goes, we are in dire need of a miracle. This bird now won't even be in the same room as my boyfriend when they are alone. He just flies to the next room. He even tried shutting the doors and keeping him in one room but the bird just turns his back on him. It breaks my heart especially when I go there and the bird races to me and the look on my boyfriends face is heart breaking. Do African Greys have the ability to hold a grudge against someone for some reason? Like the fact that my boyfriend struggles to get him into the cage every morning and is the main person who disceplines him, so the bird might hate him for that. I have tried to start with the discepline, like if he bites my boyfriend I put him staright in his cage and tell him why and then come back after 5 min and take him out. I seriously have to laugh sometimes as it seems like I'm talking about a child, but that is how I see him. hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Wow, that Grey definitely has his mind made up about who he allows to be graced by his presence. Has anything negative ever taken place between your Boyfriend and the Grey? Other than your Boyfriend just breathing the same Air.. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevjoe Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Hi Jane08. What has happened since you were here on 7-11 until now? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMustee Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 From everything I have read parrots do hold grudges...for a long time. That is one of the big reasons never to hit one...they remember. That's why I gave my Sun to the couple on the farm...The day he latched on to my 18 year-old cat's face I smacked him off her. I felt sooooo horrible that I "hit" him but I did what I had to to save the cats eyes and face. I knew if it kept happening he would hate me, and then I would have a loud, cat assassin bird that would want nothing to do with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane08 Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 Well from the 7-11th I tried to back off and just went to my boyfriends place and I just sat there and let my boyfriend do everything and I did not give the bird attention. Then I had to go away overseas to work for a couple of days and that is when the bird started not wanting to be in the same room as my boyfriend. We have tried to rack our brains about what the grudge could be but there is nothing, except for the struggles into the cage in the morning, but surely that is normal. I also thought the the bird might think that it was my boyfriends fault that I have to leave most nights to go back to my place. That's sounds so stupid though. I feel so bad because my boyfriend has wanted a parrot all his life and he was in tears about the fact that the bird doesn't like him. Oh Bmustee that is so sad to have to give him up and this is exactly what I don't want my boyfriend to do. I have asked him if he would rather just call it quits and get rid of him, but my boyfriend loves him and said he couldn't and he will just have to accept that ths is the way it will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest briansmum Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 it is good to hear your boyfriend has a realistic view and that he loves the bird the way he is. this is why a lot of birds end up needing new homes because people don't realise their birds may not choose them as their peron and then want rid. i commend your boyfriend for not being one of these people. it isn't stupid to think the bird blames your BF for you going home, this could indeed be a possibility. make sure he continues the training with the bird and hopefully in time it will lead to a less stressful "Putting in the cage" scenario. which is also most likely a large factor in why the bird doesn't like his dad. have you tried being the nasty one when you are there, putting the bird away, saying "no" when he is doing things he shouldn't? so your boyfriend can just do the fun things? this is all i can suggest, it seems the bird really has made his mind up for now. it could change, it might not. i am sure you are encouraging your BF not to lose heart, he's is a good man i'm sure. tell him we all think he's doing great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 This may sound like an odd questions, but I am looking at this from a psychological stand point now. Would it be possible for your Boyfriend to visit you at your place for a while and the Grey would realize after a while, that his Owner and only Friend is your Boyfriend? One other thing you might do as a LAST resort and I am probably going to catch hell for even suggesting this....is to Clip your Grey's Wings carefully to where he can only Flap down at a 45 degree angle from his Cage. I had to Clip my Wild Conure after trying to Hand Tame him after 8 Months of no success. Once he could no longer fly away and had to Walk he then found it was easier to get on my hand for a ride than walk and climb back up into his Cage. Just some suggestions to add to your list :-)<br><br>Post edited by: danmcq, at: 2007/09/20 18:52 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMustee Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 This sounds like a situation that clipping is a must if nothing else works to me too Dan. I know that people here don't like to think of ever giving "the clip" but in a situation like this where the bird is just going nuts it would be something that needs to be done if it isn't already. Also, Beccy has the right idea with having you be the bad guy and put him in the cage and things of that sort. I would give that a try for sure. I was sick to my stomach when I had to give up Otto, but I knew it had to be done for HIS happiness. I'm betting that adoption for human kids don't have the screening process I put a few people through that wanted him. I still get e-mails and pictures all the time letting me know how he is doing and I can go see him any time I want...but I would just get to emotional if I did. I still cry when I get a new pic of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest briansmum Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 i have to say i agree with dan and BMustee clipping the bird could be a good idea at this point then he has to rely on you boyfriend more as his primary mode of getting about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane08 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Share Posted October 1, 2007 Thanks for your advice. I talked to my boyfriend about getting the wings clipped, but he is not keen on that as the bird loves to fly and he enjoys it so much. I think we will just have to stick at it and hope it gets better. Really it has been the same for the last few weeks. If my boyfriend is in one room the bird is in another room. I told him to block off the other room so the bird had to be in the room with him. My boyfriend is not sure whether to just leave him alone and hope it gets better or force interaction, like follow him when he goes to another room and then keep following him if he flies away. Even if they are in the same room and the bird is on a stick the bird just turns his back on my boyfriend. I am also getting exhausted because when I am there the bird won't leave me alone. It got to the point where I have to put a new toy on my shoulder so he won't fly over to me because he is scared of the toy. Even if I walk past him he has his foot up waving it at me and telling me he wants to come up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdgranna Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I agree that it is time to clip those wings until he is more co operative with your boyfriend. I had a conure that would not step up or behave at all. As soon as I clipped his wings he was much better and appreciated me "rescuing" him from the floor or wherever he landed. He grew to actually cuddle with me and turned out to be a very good bird. He prefered my husband as does one of my greys, so it was patience patience patience. But the wing clipping was the clincher that worked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Yep, Birdgranna is right, I had to clip my Conures wings too, before any interaction could take place and get him comfortable with me. He would just fly, as your Grey is doing. Right now, the Grey is in control of the situation and it will never change as long as it is up to him to distance himself from your boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 I agree with Birdgranna and Dan, sometimes you have to do a clip to accomplish what you can't do without it, then when you get it worked out you can let the feathers grow out and be done with it.:whistle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane08 Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 Hello, Thought I would give you all an update after we went on our 2 day training course. It was the best thing we have done for our bird. This course was fantastic. Our bird has changed around in only 2 days. He now allows my boyfriend near him and to interact with him. We were told the there is no need for us to clip his wings and that there are far better ways. The course was all about positive reinforcement training and not using negative reinfocement, which we had been doing sometimes. For example step up training. I must admit I feel quite angry and upset at all the books that told us when teaching our brid to step up, if he doesn't do it to gently press against his chest. This is totally wrong and you should never have to physically touch your bird to get him to do this or any other command. Here is the link for the lady who runs the course. We also got her book and DVD's which are great http://www.goodbirdinc.com/ I really recommend everyone using the positive reinforcement techniques as it is much better for our birds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaM Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I'm so happy for you, your boyfriend and your bird! It sounds like it's win-win-win all around! I look forward to one day going to one of Barbara's seminar (there's on in November in Wisconsin but I don't think I can do it that weekend). I am in the middle of an 8 week online positive reinforcement training course. I have learned a ton and it's a lot more fun than trying to "force" the birds to do something. Continued good luck to you! Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane08 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Lisa I am so glad that you are also using the positive reinforcement. We have gone back to the basics to re teach the bird step up. So we found his favourite treat and my boyfriend puts his hand up and the teat in the other one and asks him to step up. He then streches his head out to grab it and he was given the treat and we praised him. We did that for a bit and then suddenly the bird put one foot up and we gave him the treat and praised him and after awhile he stepped up and we gave him lots of treats and praise. We also look at his body language when he is ready to do it and then we bring our hand up for step up. We don't stand there for ages with our hand up trying to get tell him to step up. We also use the birds love of me. So I stand next to my boyfriend and he puts his hand up and calls the bird, the bird then couldn't wait to step up on his hand becuase he knew that the reward would be coming to me for a hug and then I would put him back on his pearch and we would try again. It works a treat and already the bird is so happy, he is not scared of my boyfriend coming over to him. He even contact called by boyfriend for the first time yesterday when he got home from work. My boyfriend came in the door and yelled hello and the bird called back. First time ever. Good luck and let me know how it goes for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Jane, What a great story. Just goes to show what you can do when you put your mind to it. Your boyfriend (& you) are really great folks to go through all this for your bird. Like someone else said, alot of people would have given up. So glad you didn't. One note, our bird was with a single women for years and would not let my husband do anything with him for a very long time after he came to live with us. But now, my husband can do just as much with Radar as I can. It just takes time & love, which is obvious you two have. Good luck & continued success. Karma to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaM Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Jane - that is so good to hear! Most non-bird people would think "so what?" with your progress, but we know how huge it is, not only for now but for your entire (l-o-n-g) live together! I am so happy for all of you! Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Thanks Jane for sharing your success story with us, it lets others know that you can do it if you try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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