He is afraid of me :(

[mabdewn]

I've had my CAG now for a 1.5 years now. got him when he was 3.5 months old. Everything was good. I had a strong bond with Charlie. I was living alone, so he was always with me.

 

Recently I got married, and my wife arrived from abroad, and since then things sort of changed. Charlie obviously hates her guts and is a bit scared of her. And in the beginning, I could sit with him in the couch beside her and he wouldn't really mind her, if she didn't come too close. Ruffle his feathers and advance a few steps towards her. However, things changed for the worse...

I started taking some prescription drugs recently and soon after that the parrot changed. I am not sure if it's a coincidence or what.

I cannot get near my CAG now. If I get close he screams and runs off to avoid me. If I on a rare occasion get him to step up, he jumps right off again. And he will jump while he is screaming.

 

Funny enough at night, when he is about to sleep, he will have no objection to me scratching him or touching him. And he will make a certain sound that he only does with me and rub his beak and head against my fingers. But as soon as daylight hits again, he is mortified. Suffice to say he is equally scared of my wife.

 

I am not sure what is wrong. My only conclusion is that my scent has somehow changed. Either due to my wife or my medication, but that conclusion doesn't stick that by night he calms down.

 

Does anybody know what this could mean? or been in a similar situation? I am worried and it hurts that I cannot touch and pet him like I could before.

 

Sammy

[birdhouse]

Do you change your appearance at night? LOL ...turn into a werewolf or something?

 

Sorry! What I seriously meant was do you remove your hat, or take a shower or change out of a uniform? Your wife & your medication may account for Charlie becoming more reactive. But it doesn't add up with his drastic change in response to you at night. So I'm wondering if you're missing another possible element, here.

[MarcusCAG]

Has your routine changed at all? Or perhaps some personal toiletries that were previously of a different variety (cologne, shampoo, whatever) create an odor that freaks him out or something, but maybe by the evening they're a bit dissipated...

 

I'm just sorry to hear about this. I'm sure it's very hard for you all to deal with, Charlie included.

[mabdewn]

The only thing that has changed is the presence of my wife and the medication I started taking. And at night I don't do anything different. Don't turn into a werewolf or into a big bunny. He just stands normally grinding his beak and getting ready to sleep, and I pet him and talk to him and he enjoys it. I am not sure what's going on with him to be honest

[Shelly Yokum]

Is he getting enough sleep during the night? There has been a couple of times that I was up late and making a lot of noise, with my little boy sick. I know Val didn't get her 10 hours of sleep and she screamed at me all day. I couldn't get near her. Maybe the routine of sleep has changed. Maybe he is just jealous of the wife LOl. I hope things get better.

[birdhouse]

Things don't necessarily need to have changed. There may be something in his environment that he's never been comfortable with, but now it's too much because he's also uncomfortable with your wife &/or your meds.

 

These guys are super-hyper aware of their environment. Things that we don't see at all can really affect them. For example, could there be something outside the window that's visible during the day but isn't when you close the blinds at night?

 

I think you need to really try to look thru Charlie's eyes to solve this.

[mabdewn]

He gets enough sleep. I mean especially now he is inside his cage or standing on top of it and just idling/sleeping. Because he does not want to be around me.

 

His main source of frustration was if he could not be around me. He would scream and yell until I let him out of the cage. And it was enough for him to stand on my lap or shoulder while I am in my sofa watching tv.

My wife says its strong jealousy, but I don't know. Honestly, I find it very frustrating. You grow so attached to these creatures. I know that I am very attached to my bird and it aches me that things have changed. I hope it's just a phase

[judygram]

I am sorry this is happening to you but like the others have said it has to be something has changed and it may be something you have not thought of but Charlie has noticed, I would go back to square one and earn his trust again and give him plenty of time, it could be a phase he is going thru. I hope things improve but give it time.

[Dave007]

Greys sense everything, especially mood changes. If your script has made you more cranky, more hyper, faster moving, more erractic, made you change routines, then things can happen. Their change of temperment doesn't have to be 24/7.

Does she like your wife? Well, for many birds that takes a long time for a bird to accept another individual into an area which they consider their home. For many birds it doesn't. Some get jealous, or short tempered, or nervous. Many will nip. Maybe in the bird's mind, it's a competition for your attention. It's hard to say what the problem isbecause all of what you're talking about has to do with behavior and lack of or too much attention that didn't exist a while back.

You have a new wife now. That in itself is a task.

What you wanna do to get things back to normal is to establish a routine that includes the whole family. Again, that takes time.,

[Morana]

I just wanna mention something that wasn't said... I'm not saying it is, but it could be a medical issue. When is the last time Charlie went to avian vet for a full checkup? I really hope that I'm completely wrong but maybe it would be a good idea just to check it out and rule out this reason. Good luck and keep us posted:-)

[aslterp59]

Please be sure to keep us posted on how everything is going. This is really a "conundrum"!!

[chezron]

Is he getting regular sunshine? I know I write about this frequently because I believe in it, but for my grey daily trips outside has really tempered his mood. Also, my husband worked very hard to be a flock member. I do not believe that greys are one person birds, and if they are, their quality of life suffers.

[mabdewn]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks again for all the support feedback.

Last night again when he did his beak grinding thing before he sleeps. I actually opened the cage and I was able to pet him, and I did so for a while.

After that he noticed that I was eating cake, and he is a bit of a sucker for sweet stuff, so I opened up the cage to give him some, and he quickly comes out of the cage and stands on top and eat a little piece of cake.

Right after he actually called for me with this distinct whistle and sat on my shoulder for a while. Let me pet him and then he fell asleep on my shoulder.

 

So today is a new day. He is still a bit scared of me, though he calls for me when I am in another room.

 

I am not sure what it means. Is it a grudge? or just a competition for attention?

 

Sammy

[abbie21187]

You might want to also keep in mind that at around 1.5 years is when most greys go into their adolescent stage and start asserting more independence. I am currently reading Bobbi Brinkers "For the Love of Greys" and she writes a lot about this stage in development. The book is pretty expensive because it's out of print but I found an excerpt from the section of the book that may be of use to you:

http://birdsnways.com/wisdom/ww28eiii.htm

 

Just be patient! It seems like things are getting a little better already!

[mabdewn]

You might want to also keep in mind that at around 1.5 years is when most greys go into their adolescent stage and start asserting more independence. I am currently reading Bobbi Brinkers "For the Love of Greys" and she writes a lot about this stage in development. The book is pretty expensive because it's out of print but I found an excerpt from the section of the book that may be of use to you:

http://birdsnways.com/wisdom/ww28eiii.htm

 

Just be patient! It seems like things are getting a little better already!

 

Thank you for the link. That was a lot of help. I thought that greys went into the adolescent stage much later, but at least now it explains certain things.

 

Lately things have been a little bit more different with him, so I suppose giving him the time and space he needs is ok. The bond is much better today. He will call for me if I am not in the room, and will be quiet and preen himself and talk while I am there. Yet, he is not all too happy about me coming too close

[MarcusCAG]

^^ At least it's some improvement. I would be surprised if he did a complete 180 all at once, anyway. Little steps are not necessarily a bad thing, if they take one permanently in a new and better direction.

[chezron]

Good point Marana. it could be an awful coincidence. I am glad, though, that Charlie lets you scratch him at night. That's a good sign. I hope you figure it out. Maybe just be patient and don't push things. Is it possible to stop taking the medicine, for just a few days, to see what happens? I certainly wouldn't recommend that if it would be life-threatening or if it was a course of antibiotics. Will you be taking the medicine from now on? Seeing Charlie fear you must be traumatic. Having a new bride is a big life change for you and Charlie. Could your wife give him treats to get on his good side? Is she open to life with a parrot?

[Morana]

Good point Marana.

Who is Marana? Me?:-P

[mabdewn]

Good point Marana. it could be an awful coincidence. I am glad, though, that Charlie lets you scratch him at night. That's a good sign. I hope you figure it out. Maybe just be patient and don't push things. Is it possible to stop taking the medicine, for just a few days, to see what happens? I certainly wouldn't recommend that if it would be life-threatening or if it was a course of antibiotics. Will you be taking the medicine from now on? Seeing Charlie fear you must be traumatic. Having a new bride is a big life change for you and Charlie. Could your wife give him treats to get on his good side? Is she open to life with a parrot?

 

I am taking it as slowly as I can. He will allow me to scratch him by day as well. However, one day he was dying to get on my shoulder. So I put my hand and he goes up, and as soon as I moved my hand closer to my body, he went completely bat shit and started screaming and jumped away from me.

 

I unfortunately have to take this medication for a while so there is nothing I can do, but hope he gets used to me My wife does try to give him treats, but he will scream and is scared of her. So I told her to start changing his water and seeds every morning but do it very cautiously, so he gets used to her being around his cage. Baby steps I suppose

[Morana]

What about vet checkup so you could rule out any health issue?

[mabdewn]

suppose I could do a vet check up. But it just sounds unlikely that is the problem. I hoping it is the fear of my wife (and my scent) that is making him afraid of me, so once he accepts my wife as a part of the flock, he will go back to being normal

[Morana]

I wouldn't say parrots have a strong sense of smell. Maybe your body language is somewhat different due to that medication but I don't think your bird can smell something different. He didn't like much your wife from the strat so that is unlikely to cause this. He would change towards her if it were that, and you would maybe get some transfered aggression if your wife is near at the moment. It does not explain that kind of change towards you. If his attitude towards you doesn't change for the better soon, than it would be wise to rule out the vet if you are hesitant to do that now. And I don't mean his behaviour towards you could change in a day or two. I'm saying that if you invest much effort in you relationship and it doesn't change even the slightest then I would be concerned if I were you. Of course, you know your parrot best and you can see his bahaviour first hand, but I would be better safe than sorry. These are just my two cents..

[Luvparrots]

I have a new 5 month old grey I have had for about a month. I live alone so anytime someone new comes into my home, Sterling is hisses and flies away when they go near him. It takes him a while to "warm up" to different people. Once he is more comfortable, I'm sure he will relax. As for smell my grey has a great sense of smell, as soon as I get a snack or a bowl of food she is right there getting her share. She will come from the back of the house to get her treat! I believe most wild creatures have a great smell sense or how less would they survive in the wild. Just give your grey a chance to get use to the changes in your home and relax because they so sense our feelings.

[Morana]

It is just my opinion, but I think it is more possible that your Grey just figured that when you go in one particular room, or at a particular time of day, or she hears rustle of the wrapping or clacking of the bowl she knows it is treats/food time. They must have very good hearing to early spot predators but smell doesn't seem nearly as important..

[mabdewn]

It's jealousy. Yesterday something peculiar happened. I had woken up early in the morning before my wife, and decided to try to take Charlie out. And surprisingly enough he was all lovely and bubbly with me. I could pet him and he was in heaven from all the scratches I gave him. For a short time, things were back to normal. Then my wife woke up and came out, but went to another room. Right there, he changed completely. when I wanted to touch him, he would hiss and yell at me. If I tried to touch him he would move away from me.

 

While this made me very sad, it also made me realise how complex these creatures really are and perhaps their world is not as simple as we would like to think it is.