Need Advice -

[buster]

Buster a 7 yr old CAG has been with me for two years now. His owner, a life long friend got sick and went up north to be with family for a while. I had previous bird experience and was baby sitter to Buster previously so it was like taking in a bird-nephew. We actually bonded fairly quickly and Buster was a happy healthy member of the family that enjoyed being in whatever room I was. His colors became perfect! He learned how to fly while with me and was starting to get into fun teaching sessions in which you could tell he was really trying to learn. He loves to dance to everything from The Jeffersons Theme song to Rhianna! His real dad came for one visit in those two years. That visit was the only time Buster ever bit me. Right on the lip! (Which ended our lip kisses)

 

Fast forward to today. His "real" Dad has moved back to Tampa and is staying with me while he gets on his feet. Naturally, Buster was over the top happy to have him back. I know that greys tend to be one person animals so I gave him lots of space. I'm happy that he has rebonded with his owner and even expected some aggression after that first visit but his ENTIRE personality has changed. He has lunged at me a few times.... But now, an otherwise active, involved bird sits in his cage all day waiting for "real" dad to come home, I guess. After the initial agression, I've been very gentle giving him opportunities every day to interact with me but he mostly acts afraid of me! This is a bird that followed me from room to room and insisted on daily head scratching time. Now, when I approach him he pins a little and slightly backs up - the exact same behavior as when he is approached by a stranger.

 

Anyway, I'm still the one giving him most of his daily care. Real dad works long hours and doesn't have much time at night for Buster. Real dad walks in, Buster goes into endless mating dance mode, gets a treat and goes to bed. I was pretty strict about diet, fruits, veggies, high end feed, etc. Real dad gives him sips of mountain dew and ice cream. (If spoiling with junk has an effect).

 

SO........Grey Parents Everywhere.....

What is the best way for me to respond to Buster? Is it a lost cause now that his primary bond is back? I know I can't force a bond but getting him into a healthy routine again would sure be nice. I hate seeing him just sit in his cage all day.

 

Thanks in advance for advice!

[JDS5607]

That's a tough one.

 

I had the same experience with my sun conure, Zoe-- only in reverse. I gave her to my father because of their love for each other when they visited, and to help get my father through his cancer treatment. Long story short-- Now whenever I go over there, the bird that once followed me everywhere, and cuddled with me, wants nothing to do with me- even bites at me.

I will be interested to see what others say I would say just to sit down with "real dad" and decide together if he should have contact with the bird or not. I know it sounds harsh, but it's honestly it sounds like his involvement is depressing your grey... Is real dad planning on taking Buster when he gets on his feet or will Buster be staying with you? If he will not be taking him- your friend needs to back off, and respect your routine. If he will be taking Buster- you may need to back up a little, and allow that bond to happen with the two of them.

[Cupid]

Now thats a predicament!!! If you do tell the "dad" something, he might get upset at you, because that was originally "his" parrot. I hope you can figure this out soon, because its awkward and uncomfortable in your home. Unless, if he doesnt really care about Buster like you do, then hell understand the stress hes putting on both of you. Keep us updated I guess.... Good luck!

[birdhouse]

Buster is going thru a lot of conflict right now. Parrots are genuinely emotional & Greys are also some of the most intelligent. I think this shut down is just his way of processing everything.

 

The One left with no warning. It's a great, great joy that he's come back. But every time he walks out the door, there's nothing to say that he won't get lost again.

 

When The One left, you came into Buster's life & he may still associate you with losing The One. In spite of that, you've formed a special, albeit different bond with him. Buster would likely have turned on you, pretty much completely, otherwise.

 

I think Buster is trying to cope. He's obsessing & kind of traumatized. Normal, as you've both known it, is gone. For now, Buster's obvious focus is seeing that The One comes home anytime he leaves the house.

 

That really should fade once The One comes home enough times to convince Buster that he won't be getting lost again. Then, you can all start to recreate a new normal.

 

Meanwhile, maybe you could treat Buster as though you didn't know the reason for his change of behavior...? Maybe try working with him as if he was suddenly going thru one of those inexplicable life changes that Greys experience & work to reinforce your bond with him.

 

Then there's the real challenge. You didn't say which of you would be keeping Buster when The One moves on. If Buster's yours now, then The One needs to recognize that he's raising havoc with yours & Buster's bond. He's also setting up a serious potential problem down the road.

 

I just don't see how you can all move forward in good way without you 2 working out an understanding about how best to keep from messing with Buster's head as little as possible. His diet, on the other hand, can probably take it

 

And for what it's worth, I think you've been super considerate of everyone else involved & I think you deserve some real big Kudos!! I think it might be a little hard to have to step back after all that greyt work with Buster.

 

But, if it helps, I've come to think Greys aren't so much fickle as complex. I really think Buster will come back around, after he works thru the emotional overload.

Edited June 18, 2011 by birdhouse

[Trinkapuppy]

I agree with everything Birdhouse said--you need to talk to former Daddy and decide, between the two of you, what future plans are. These need to be considered when you determine how to handle Buster from here on out.

 

I have not dealt with this precise situation with a grey, but I have had a red bellied parrot go through similar, and I am currently working with out newly adopted grey who loves me and not so much anyone else.

Have you considered doing some target training sessions?

I find target training is incredibly helpful, as it is easy to master the very basics, and it gives you both a common goal to work toward--he's teaching you to give him a treat every time he touches the stick, and you're teaching him specific behaviors that are bite and anxiety free!

Eshe attacked my husband if he tried to touch her for several days. With a little bit of target training, she is already allowing him to step up--and that's after one day.

Now....don't expect those kinds of results every time, but it might just reinforce and bring forth some of the bond that has lapsed between you....

Here is an excellent video on the very basics:

Building Trust with Your Bird

 

I use a chopstick for a target stick (that gets replaced occasionally when someone steals it and chews it up--pointed link at Jynx) and I alternate between using the clicker and saying "good" and just saying "good". Hubby works with both of the birds about 2-3 minutes a day, and the difference was noticeable after just a few sessions. And Jynx will often bring the chopstick to one of us and drop it in our hand if I leave it out somewhere.

 

Good luck with him--I'm sure that in the end, everything will work out for the three of you. His applecart is just overturned. =0 )

[Luvparrots]

Yes, please let us know whose grey Buster is now. That would certainly help with any suggestions members have for the situation.

[judygram]

I would try this site for Barbara Heidenreich has helped many parrot owners thru her techniques and behavior modifications.

http://www.goodbirdinc.com/

[kingsnake]

I agree, if it's your bird now and forever you have every right to step in. If the bird is going back to him then I would say let the keep their bond.