Please Help: Screaming

[Saoirse]

I hope this is the right area of the forum, if it's not, I apologize.

 

My husband and I are the proud parents of a soon to be 11 year old Timneh African Grey. Unfortunately, however, we live with my husband's family: Dad, Aunt and Uncle - all brother and sister related. Our Grey has an intense infatuation with my husband's uncle, who (of course) HATES the Grey. Our Grey always wants to be around him, and when we do put him out on his living room perch, hubby's uncle completely ignores him and taunts him with whistles and words, but refuses to otherwise acknowledge him. We've attempted to not allow the Grey to be around him at all, as the torment drives him crazy - but when we keep him in our room, he screams out with shrill, VERY loud yells and ear-piercing screams. To make matters worse, the uncle likes to stand outside our door and whistle to the bird OR yell at him for making so much noise, which only spurs the Grey to make MORE noise. We know it's terrible to cover him up, but nothing else quiets the screaming. We've attempted ignoring him when he screams and shower him with praise and attention when he sings/talks or is quiet - which doesn't work. We've left the room during his screaming fits, which doesn't really do anything negative or positive in regards to the behavior. We know (We think we know) for the most part that our uncle is the main issue, but when we tell him how much the bird is infatuated with him, he likes to remark that "Birds are stupid, he doesn't have enough brains to be attached to anyone, he's not a dog...He can't think." Which we know is absolutely absurd! Our Grey might not be a talker, he might not like to play with bird-safe toys (He'd rather have a vitamin pill than any form of veggie or bird toy) but we know ANY bird is far from mindless!

 

The Grey is odd in some of those terms, he only says a couple things, though we know he knows more - he refuses to really speak. He doesn't play with any of his toys, though if you change his baby favorites for newer ones, he hates it - creature of habit. He hates fruits and vegetables, refusing to eat them to the point where when you put them in his cage he tosses them out. He gets a ton of interaction from my husband (it's his bird, really.. Not mine. Though I'm proud to say I'm his mommy.), I spend time with him as well, and he's infatuated with our fish and our cat - both of which are terrified of him. He does whistle songs that he knows and on occasion will let out a "whatcha doin?". We know his cage is a little bit on the small size - we had a bigger one but had to downsize when we moved, though we're saving for a bigger one.. Though honestly, he spends more time out of it than in it - except for when he's in his screaming mode. Though he won't eat his veggies, we feed him Harrison's organic life-time coarse and mix it with a little bit of the pepper-coarse because he likes the spice. He gets a couple organic sunflower seeds a day, and he'd die without his daily half-peanut. We add an all natural/homeopathic stress-reducer to his water, which takes the edge off his stress, but not entirely so. We're so stressed ourselves because we don't know what to do for him. It seems his favorite behavior at the moment is to hang from the top of his cage and twitch back and forth while screaming and calling for his uncle.. We really just don't know what to do and it's so depressing seeing him in such a state. What can we do that's best for him? Moving out isn't an option right now, we hope to be out within a year. Thanks in advance, and I'm happy to add any additional details or info if needed!

 

Saoirse

[MarcusCAG]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation right now! I can tell you what I THINK the problem is, but it probably wouldn't come out very nice (pertaining to how the uncle treats your Grey baby), so all I'm going to ask is does your husband have any clout within his family? As in, please stay away from our room/it's off-limits/don't bother our bird? Parrots are very intelligent and it's a shame that your TAG is so infatuated with a man who has absolutely no concept of respect for an animal other than a dog. (What is your Grey's name, btw? Did I miss that part?) Anyway, maybe if your Grey only comes out when the uncle isn't around and doesn't have one-on-one time with him, then he will become less interested in him--I'm sure he can understand that the uncle is taunting him, but maybe the 'spice' of their interaction is one of the things that he likes about it? Does your husband play verbal games with your Grey at all (nice ones, I mean)? I know my boys (a CAG and a Quaker parrot) just adore it when I sing to them at bedtime before I "tuck them in for the night" and they're even happier when their Daddy joins in. In any event, I just hope that you all get this figured out soon, and maybe can move again soon (it sounds like that's what you want anyway) and you can have some peace for your nuclear family in this regard. And I hope someone else may post even better advice because I kind of feel like I'm just grabbing at straws here, I'm sorry.

[Morana]

Hi you all!:-)

I just wanna say, there are a few issues here to be considered but for now I'll just wanna say something about one.

 

"To make matters worse, the uncle likes to stand outside our door and whistle to the bird OR yell at him for making so much noise, which only spurs the Grey to make MORE noise. .....he likes to remark that "Birds are stupid, he doesn't have enough brains to be attached to anyone, he's not a dog...He can't think."

 

Well, according to your uncle maybe birds don't have much brain to think with, but someone should try to explain to him that, as a specie that is able to think, he shouldn't stand in front of your door. More so, he shouldn't taunt the bird-at all, let a lone standing in front of someone else s (bed?)room. Why the hell is he whistling to the bird!? And if this is encouraging yelling from the bird why is he shouting at the bird to be quiet as it is his fault in the first place!? I don't think the bird is the one who should be covered and get the time out here! Sorry but something like this is pi.... me off!

[Saoirse]

We have repeatedly told him to stay away from our room and to stop whistling at the bird.. But the man refuses to accept or believe the fact that he's a major problem in this issue.. And unfortunately, even when he's not deliberately taunting the bird, he's very loud with his 'bodily noises': He clears his throat excessively loud, coughs louder than needed, blows his nose loudly, bangs on things, talks to himself as he walks around the house, etc. The bird knows it's him, even though there's 4 other people in the house. It's hard to change a person's behavior, especially one as ignorant and self-centered as this one. trust me, we HATE giving the bird the time out because we know it's not fair, we know it's not his fault.. But it's the ONLY thing that quiets him down. Thankfully the 3 of them are gone during the day to get their ritual cup of coffee at Panera's, so we let the bird have free roam of the house (supervised), but... When he can't see his uncle, even when he's not home, he still screams for him or he'll fall with style (wings clipped) to the ground and toddle toward his bedroom. When we don't live with our family, he's a much more stable bird, but still refuses to talk or eat anything actually good for him aside from his Harrison's.

 

And Marcus, HIS name is Luna... Yea, hubby thought he was a girl when he got him. haha And yes, hubby sings to him ALL THE TIME ha! they whistle back and forth and they talk and hubby 'grooms' him. He has several play songs they like, and he gets a lullaby and night and a song to wake up in the morning. This bird is my hubby's life.. It's his son, and no one else comes first, not even me, lol. So, believe me when I say, the stress Luna is going through is destroying hubby, he can't stand to see him like this, and we both feel so helpless because the only obvious solution is to move, and financially, we just can't yet.

Edited March 7, 2011 by Saoirse

[Morana]

Uh, now, when I saw MarcusCAGs post i realized how harsh and impolite my post was. I do apologize for steeping out of the appropriate boundaries of conversation but I won't erase the post because the situation makes me soooo mad. It presents a real problem. I do stand by my words.

[judygram]

I wholeheartedly agree with you Morana and you were not out of line, the uncle is the problem plain and simple and the bird is the one paying the price for his ignorance.

[Saoirse]

We realize the severity of the issue, which is why I turned to a forum full of experts and bird lovers for help.

 

How do you ween a bird away from a loved one? I find it sadly amusing that as awful as our uncle really is to the bird, Luna can love him so much... It's terrible. How can we start to solve this with little to no added stress to our Grey? We're going to have ANOTHER major discussion with the family tonight, because ALL of them need to understand that it doesn't matter how THEY feel about it, the fact remains something needs to change, and him taunting our Grey is what needs to change, and NOW. But, should we start by not allowing the bird to see his uncle at all? Completely keep them apart, or would that just cause more stress and more screaming? Is there a good way to go about this?

[JeffNOK]

I guess the bottom line really has to do with the lack of respect shown for you (humans) by the uncle. He may or may not have empathy or understanding concerning Luna, but if he has respect for you he would also adhere to boundaries of proper behavior. His antagonism toward Luna is really antagonism towards you. I would discuss it with him in those terms. He may repeatedly say that Luna is stupid and has no real attachments--but he must admit that you humans certainly do have real feelings that he is blatantly not respecting. I would keep Luna away from the uncle completely. I would also enforce rules concerning his standing outside the door. This is classic passive-aggressive behavior with a poor avian creature as the focus. It's not fair. Frankly, if at all possible I would consider finding other living arrangements as soon as possible ( I know that may not be realistic, however)

[MarcusCAG]

This is classic passive-aggressive behavior with a poor avian creature as the focus.

 

That is absolutely it, JeffNOK. You hit the nail on the head. It sounds as though the uncle has major issues of his own and he's just taking them out on something (Luna) that you (Saoirse) and your husband at this point can only halfway protect. If it was a child, I think there are laws and stuff that might come into play--not so sure about animals and harassment. But that's what it is, and I'm so sorry you're all dealing with it right now.

 

P.S.--Luna in your avatar is beautiful!

[Morana]

I wholeheartedly agree with you Morana and you were not out of line, the uncle is the problem plain and simple and the bird is the one paying the price for his ignorance.

 

Tnx Judy:-)

 

I know uncle is the problem and I'm not apologizing for that, but if there were someone else reading this, someone a bit less understanding, my post, to be precise, the blunt way in it was written could be interpreted like a plain insult to members of immediate family which I wanted to avoid but couldn't/wouldn't restrain myself when I first wrote my comment. I don't want to go around forum insulting people-that was my point...no matter whether they deserve it;-)

[munch]

We all agree- the uncle is the problem. And it is plain that the uncle will make his own decisions towards the bird regardless of what is asked. In addition, he is his loud with a plethera of noises). Moving would be ideal but it may not be feasible (my husband and i live with my parents now and we have no hope of moving out anytime soon so i sympathize. greatly.). Is moving to a different part of the house an option? My dad is similar to the uncle so we live in the farthest part of the house from him. You may have to reduce size, bribe or something else but try to get as far away as possible.

 

As for the bird, give Luna as much love as possible. She may be your husband's bird but kiss her little feathery butt until she loves you just as much. Our Tookie was my husband's bird, she loved him and he was nuber one but i still gave her oodles and oodles of love whether she wanted it or not and now guess who is number one?! Ok, not me, still him butI get more attention and more conversation, he just gets the unconditional face rubs. I have to work for them but I get them!

 

So same with Luna, give her tons of love-she may still obsess over the uncle but eventually she'll move past her need for his attention. If I can think of anything else, I'll be back!

[Luvparrots]

I see this a little differently than others I guess. First are the Dad, Aunt and Uncle all retired/home all the time? One question I have is, why would a person/uncle whistle and talk/holler at your grey and stand in your doorway if not for attention from your grey. Have you thought about getting the two, Luna and Uncle together rather than apart? Older people get lonely and so do greys, talk to your uncle and ask him to help you with Luna. Try to include him rather than exclude him. Make him part of the solution not the cause. I, of course, don't know the dynamics of your family but asking for uncle's help might be more helpful. Goof luck!!!

[Saoirse]

First off, I would like to thank everyone for their answers..

 

Second, there's a lot of good suggestions to think about and definitely try - we're desperate to try to help our baby through the stress of the situation. To the poster who suggested getting our Grey together with the uncle (I'm terribly sorry for not remembering your SN..), We've tried it before.. And it's amazing how when the Grey offers attention to his uncle, uncle refuses to have anything to do with him.. Tells hubby to get the bird away from him.. But when he passes by our door he has to taunt the bird with his whistles and yells.. He's not the most stable of minds, and I think that's part of the problem. We've decided to cut off all contact with Uncle, as we know that when we're not living with them this issue is non-existent. We sat down with uncle, dad and aunt and explained AGAIN what they should and shouldn't be doing.. We'll see how long it lasts. We also plan on loving the Grey up as much as possible (if it's possible to offer the little guy even MORE love....) And we'll see how it goes. Again, I really do appreciate each and every answer given, even if I haven't acknowledged each post.

 

Thanks again.

 

Saoirse

[JeffNOK]

Hi--any updates? Please let us know if things are improving.