New bird doesn't like females, help/advice please

[LoveMySpouse]

hi all, newbie here we just received an older bird, approx 28 years old, who lived with my grandparents its whole life, now they find him too much work... problem is, he/she doesn't like females..although my grandmother did a lot of the feeding/cleaning cage etc, he bit her badly a few times. He absolutely loves my grandfather, walks all over him etc. So now in our household, he is tolerant of my hubby, will allow him to pet him the odd time, carry him around on a glove etc, but he will not let me carry him at all.. I can feed him, but if I try to clean the cage he comes after me, if I even wash the floor in the same room as the cage he climbs down and chases the broom, wash cloth etc..he even chases the dogs! I always talk sweet to him, bring him treats, juice etc, he 'seems' to like me, but nope, if I go too close he tries to bite me.. he even bit my grandmother again badly just last week during a visit and sent her to the hospital... I don't like not being able to put him in the cage if need be, but I don't want to keep him in when he could be out and about stretching his wings, crawling on the couch (we put blankets down for him)..is there anything I can do with this bird after 28 yrs of not liking women or should I find him a nice gay male couple ? Thanks all

[judygram]

Hello LovemySpouse and welcome to our family, so glad you could join us.

There is not much you can do if a bird prefers males over females as that is the way with some greys and this one is certainly mature enough to know what he wants and be set in his ways. You probably find he reacts with you better when your spouse is not in the room for if they see their favored person then they become their only focus with the attention.

I would advise you to continue to offer him treats and talk to him softly as you are doing just don't force anything with him and your spouse will have to be the one to get him into his cage for now, just take a back seat and see if some time will mellow him out a bit.

It might be in your grey's best interests to not have your grandparents see him very much as it may confuse him since he spent the first 28 years of his life with them and now he resides in your home, seeing them he may think he is going to be going home with them and he has to come to think of you two as his new parronts, he needs to build that trust to bond with both of you.

I know it is heartbreaking to be the one to do most of the work for a bird and someone else gets all the love and affection but that is the way of some greys and there is not much you can do to change it, just adapt the best you can and accept what is given.

[LoveMySpouse]

hmm..well that is what I basically expected to hear unfortunately. I will continue to try, but if I am the only one doing all the cleaning/feeding and am not able to actually play/interact with the bird or even be able to keep him away from the dogs (poor dogs are getting bird-terrorized) or put him in the cage etc I think we will have to find him a new home. He is a very dominant bird and I think he sees me and the dogs as below him lol, the hubby being the dominant 'bird' maybe so he tolerates him. I am not one to give up on any animal, we've taken in old rescue dogs, hand raised a wild bird that was hurt in a hurricane etc etc..I hate to have him leave our family but it's no good if I am afraid of him and I'm the primary caregiver... you should have seen the double gash on my grandmother! blood everywhere, he bit in hard and just would not let her go as he climbed up on her arm, it was awful.

If anyone else has any ideas, please do pass along. I would like to make this work! I'd feel so bad for the bird to go to a completely new group of strangers at his age

[Karcar]

My Grey of 17 years loved ONLY my husband she has his voice would crawl into bed with him and take naps with him on his pillow next to his head and now for some reason she Hates him, she will attack him if he get too close to the cage and I mean she draws blood big time. She tells me she loves me all of the time gives me kisses and is totally my bird.......WHY?......Who knows. I can tell you, you can't except things to change overnight it will take time. Go to http://www.goodbirdinc.com and sign up for the on-line magazine, there are DVDs and lots of good training available there. Talk softly and go very slow with the bird give him time to adjust.

There is also alot of very good advice right here on the forum, don't give up just yet you may be passing up an opportunity to have a great relationship with this little guy.

[MyGrey-Gary]

I'm actually looking at getting my first Grey (named Gary). From what I have been told - he's about 2 years old and does not like women. With Gary being so young, do you think it's possible to do click training and then use it to get him to be nicer to women? at least my wife. Gary has not ever had any training because the current owners were not sure how to do that. But he does talk, and has his likes and dislikes.

 

What do you think?

[LoveMySpouse]

thanks karcar, I will look that up and hopefully get some tips/tricks. Sorry to hear that for your hubbys sake...very strange personalities it seems in some of them, just like people I guess Someone told me they are like a 5 year old so I try to keep that in perspective when dealing with him. He seems really at home already with us and its only been about a month or more I think, we take him into each room with us, in the kitchen when cooking, living room, we even took him in the bathroom once and had him sit on the top of the shower when showering, he is chatty, doing noises etc, we give him lots to do, toys, tissue boxes to tear up etc, as he is very aggressive-he has taken over various dog toys plus some new dog toys we just gave to him (was worried about germs) and he literally beats the heck out of them.. he gets that foot up in the air slowly, then FLAP/BAM he nails it with both foot and beak, really rips into them. He is not picking himself or anything, looks healthy, sings a lot,eats a variety of veggies/fruit/dry tropical mixes/nuts, etc and he can't wait to come out of the cage when we get home. ...its just that wild gleam in the eye to tear into me or the dogs that has me worried lol but I will keep trying..and watching my skin

[LoveMySpouse]

here he is enjoying some corn on the cob, i take a picture and forgot to shut the flash off, oops..

 

"hmm..what is she doing disturbing my meal..?"

 

"maybe I'll make a meal out of her..."

 

" she moves pretty quick for a human.."

 

"ah well, back to my corn..."

[Gwen]

Hi.. Newbie here. I'm Gwen, Sassy(CAG) & Gabby(teil)'s mom. Been an animal lover my whole life. Had dogs, cats, lived on a farm & worked vet surgical asst. for 20 yrs. Five yrs. ago my Newfoundland died & I said NO MORE PETS. Well,enter the world of birds and I'm lovin every minute. Adopted a homeless tiel 2 yrs. ago and 9 months this wonderful CAG adopted me. He/she is 10 yrs. and had been shut in a bdrm alone for 3 yrs. Sassy has adapted well but I'm still learning and need all the help I can get. This forum seems just the place since I have never talked to a grey's owner and not familiar w/ birds. I'm bonding and Sassy talks up a storm. She doesn't like my husband and he hasn't touched her(also stops talking when he walks in the room.Anyone have advice??

[Guest]

Love the captions! Very funny!!

 

In regards to your bird seeming to not like women - just hang in there. My CAG was exaaaaaaaaaactly the same way, and still gets all googly-eyed when a man comes over or I take her somewhere where there is a man.

 

She used to bite me so very hard that I'd cry. I'd think about how much I was doing for her and that it just was not fair that she was so very cruel, seeming like she was going to allow a head scratch and then just like lightening, bite the hell out of me, drawing blood and almost snapping fingers. (One night I really did think she'd broken my index finger. I splinted it and everything, it hurt so bad.)

 

I had bruises and chunks missing from my flesh and scratches for several MONTHS. But I didn't give up, and you shouldn't, either. I mean, these are intelligent beings. Think about it - if you were a five-year-old child and suddenly, without explanation or understanding, found yourself in a stranger's home with different food, different toys, different people, different household habits, and so on, wouldn't you be a bit put off, too? Maybe lash out in protest?

 

Another thing you can try is pack her up in her carrier and just take her out into the world. (Some people will start screaming now, I know, but this is my opinion.) In my opinion, this will help her bond with you and realize that there are all kinds of nice people, both male and female, out in the world.

 

I had my birds at the vet a couple days ago and was told that my CAG is not Grey-like because she is so nice and well-adjusted. Well, she was a lunatic meany when I first got her - mean as hell and hated women. Not anymore, though.

 

Good luck. I hope you keep her and I hope that little by little she comes around. (And I think s/he will.)

Edited November 16, 2010 by >^..^<
To write more. ;-)

[LoveMySpouse]

Thanks for your kind words and giving me some hope.That is scary about the biting though and your finger almost broken, they sure are a wild animal. Its a bit frightening the way he just scoots right over to grab me if I touch his stuff. he takes food from my fingers and a bit of organic juice in a measuring spoon I offer him and he is all "Oooooo" but then right after, look out. It is a cold climate here so no taking him outside unfortunately, actually thinking about getting him a heated perch or something. After seeing how he reacted to my grandmother who he had lived with for almost 30 years was also disheartening, her hand got infected after that deep bite (she already had a tetanus from the last bad bite from him) so the poor woman is still sick. I got grabbed once so far but it was under a blanket luckily, it just felt like a very tight squeeze that I didn't even notice it popped the skin in one spot until I saw a little blood. That beak of his is so pointed! He is filing it all the time on everything, quite the weapon. I will keep trying though, it is good to hear that your bird came around after being a meany, maybe there is a chance for us yet

[Aly~]

OM MY!! Where to start. Just a suggestion and maybe not even the right ones, but works well in my house. If the bird is new to your home, leave him alone for a few days......talk to him, move slow around him, interact with him while he's in the cage. Let the poor baby get used to new hands and animals before you let him out to have to defend himself. My Rebel is a man's bird also. She ADORES my BF and merely tolerates me. I have found that the best way for me to deal with the sneak attacks is to watch very carefully her mood. If she puts her little foot up to me, then I know she MIGHT want to come out and play on her stand. However, I have taken to putting a towel over my arm to avoid hurtful bites. I also make sure to have her favorite cracker available to keep that beak busy while I move her from her cage to her playstand. When he seems calm you can also just open the cage door and let the bird venture out on his own. Keep some toys out for him to play with but keep the food and treats inside the cage so you can get him back in the cage. At least until you feel comfy putting him away. You'll learn pretty fast what his favorite treats are. Show him a peanut and pop it in the cage. Before you know it he'll be running inside to get it. There's no guarantee that he'll ever be your best friend, but he will tolerate you and calm down. Go slow and you'll be handling him before you know it.

 

Rebel still prefers men, but that's ok. It's funny watching her be a flirt. The AC guy was over to look at my unit, and she drifted down from her playstand and marched right over to him, stepped up on his boot, looked up and said.."Hello there". She often trieshto get me in trouble too. WHen my BF is over she knows it. If I'm in the bird room doing whatever, she starts screaming "Stop....Nooo...PaPa PaPa". I always get "What are you doing to that baby?" of course I'm usually on the other side of the room not even paying attention to her. But she gets what she wants and Pa Pa comes to save her!!

[katana600]

I was wondering if he has a long time vet who may be able to give you advice on dealing with him. The vet also may be a resource to find a behavior consultant. Biting is generally a learned behavior that starts out as a last resort because subtle messages are not being understood or heeded. Once it starts, it becomes the quickest, easiest way for him to let you know he doesn't like something. Generally, the women I know will approach with hesitation (and with good reason, I might add, considering he has shown his biting potential). Perhaps there might be a change in your approach that may allow you to get closer without him coming after you, and gradually work up to being able to pick him up etc. If your vet could recommend someone to work with you, it would be well worthwhile. There are so many individual characteristics of each bird, that someone looking at him, seeing him near his cage etc. could distinguish whether it is cage aggression, true gender discrimination on his part or other external triggers that have nothing to do with you. I think the beauty part of all this is that a neutral person with experience with many birds would have your grandparent to fill them in on details as questions arise and it may not be a long process even though he may be set in his habits. How long has he been in your home? What is his name? Thanks so much for coming into the forum and sharing your experience. I really hope you can sort this out and find a way to get along with him since he has been such an integral part of your extended family.

[LoveMySpouse]

Thanks Aly! haha..sneak attacks Now if I see the foot slowly coming up, it is just before the beak comes down, that is pre-attack mode in our house. It is funny looking but the poor thing on the other end gets it. The kind of good thing is he met us before at my grandparents house, so he already started liking my hubby several years ago... he never warmed up to me (or any other woman) but at least always made noises etc. When he is afraid or nervous he says Hello, I think since he was in the front hallway all his life and strangers would come in and say hello, so he associates being nervous with hello, so that is his 'safe word' lol and we try to walk quietly near him not to startle him etc. I am alone with him at lunch time and he takes food nicely, makes some sounds etc, i don't let him out of the cage because there is no getting him back in, have to wait until hubby is there. He can't wait to get out and get trucking through the house, he peeps into every crevass, under things, very cute. I think he really enjoys coming with us in the kitchen to make supper and into the living room for the evening, well, enjoys the hubby anyway He does tolerate me now its just not the kind of relationship I was hoping to have... bummer.

Edited November 18, 2010 by LoveMySpouse

[LoveMySpouse]

Thanks katana600 He has never been to the vet actually, he's never been sick or had any medical problems, etc. When he was first in the house just over a month ago, and a bit nervous, "hello!" he would get up on my hand with a thick glove I had on..he even climbed up my arm onto my shoulder without a bite, and he would mimick some of my sounds, so it was looking like I was going to be the favorite which was awesome .... then maybe I spoiled him, letting him out walking on the floor investigating etc, he was kind of like a child who didn't want to go to bed, so he started growling at me when I tried to put him back in the cage.. he likely sensed fear (isn't that pathetic me afraid of bird) and now he uses that to get out of things. He is more intimidated or respectful maybe of the hubby. Anyway, then he would not go on the glove, he would only bite it, so I tried a long stick, which he cracked and bit, and he would just keep backing up right across the room refusing to get onto anything, so I was conquered I guess and now I don't bother as he just growls and tries to bite the glove. I guess I never realized how aggressive he was because when I saw him on my grandfathers head etc he seemed so docile, should have listened to my grandmother more. Apparently he would chase her into the kitchen etc and she would have to scoot him away from her legs/feet with a broom until my grandfather could get him. He dominated there so he is dominating here now. He seems so adorable I do hope we can become friends, I just have to hang in there, it is good to hear that some people have the same problem and it worked out with a happy ending.