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One for the girls (guys no looking)


Tari

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This one was emailed to me today! LOL!

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FALL CLASSES FOR MEN

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY , September 21, 2007

 

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

 

Classes begin Monday, September 24, 2007

 

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

 

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

 

Class 5

After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Class 6

Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

 

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places. And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

 

Class 8

Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

 

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours.

 

Class 11

Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing

Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

 

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours! Beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy.

Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 14

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

 

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

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Ok Ladies, I'm not LOOKING at the other posts ;-), but I wanted to post this for your enjoyment.

 

A commentary by 60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

 

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

 

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

 

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

 

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

 

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

 

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

 

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

 

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.

 

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

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