Heavy hearted and need advice

[caleigha]

I am glad that no one can see the emotional mess I am right now - I am very torn and desperately need advice. Here's my scenario:

 

We have had our CAG for 5 months and we are in LOVE with him. He is just the most wonderful, happy, talkative, playful bird. We have his big cage in the den, he has a play stand in the kitchen, and he has a smaller cage in my bedroom. These 3 rooms connect to each other and this is where we primarily hang out. He spends his days mostly out of his cage, but there are times when we put him in his big cage. He's very happy in there, has lots of room and toys to play with. And since he is in the middle of the action of the house, even when he is in his cage he interacts with us. He whistles for the dogs and calls their names (they ignore him), he does a dead-on imitation of the door squeak anytime anyone opens the back door, he calls my boys names when they leave the room - he is very aware of us and constantly interacts.

 

So the problem...

 

We are a family of 7 and are home all day. My husband and I both work from home, and I home school my boys. So Chili has lots of interaction all day. The problem is, the noise Chili makes is interfering with my husband's work. His office is also downstairs and Chili's noise is a HUGE problem when he is on the phone. Our kids are trained - they know they have to be quiet when Dad's on the phone. Chili? Not so much.

 

My husband is not a fan of Chili's. My kids and I are head over heels in love with him. My husband would be very happy if we found a home for Chili and it is only because of the noise. Of course my husband's job is very important - he supports our family. But to me, Chili is part of our family.

 

So my solution, and here's where I need your input...what if I moved Chili's big cage up into one of my kid's room. One of my sons is 14 and he is the one Chili loves best. That would mean that during working hours, Chili would be upstairs, by himself, in his cage, with the door closed. He is so used to being with us, would it be mean to him if I did that? I feel like, at this point, my alternative is getting rid of my husband. ha ha Just joking. Seriously, my husband would appreciate it if I solved this and I value your ideas and suggestions.

[judygram]

I think you will create another problem if you put his cage upstairs with him in it during the day while everyone else is downstairs, he wants to be a part of the "flock" and if denied that he might start making more noise or start plucking from the stress. I don't really know what the solution is but maybe some of the other members have an idea or two for you.

Personally I would lean toward getting rid of the husband but then that is my opinion!

[Barbara2]

I would need more information. Does hubby have an office in the house? Are the calls coming in all day or are they sporadic? Does Chili respond to being covered? (I have a mini macaw that will start making noise if I have people over but I can cover him and tell him goodnight and he will be quiet.)

[Luvparrots]

My grey gets more vocal when I am on the telephone also. In your husband's case, is he on the phone whenever someone calls or is there a set time he has set aside for telephone calls, i.e., he is making the calls? Is Chili's cage in the same room as your husband's office? Since everyone is home, why can't your oldest son remove Chilli from the area and distract him? Without knowing all the circumstances, it is hard to give solutions that might work.

[Jayd]

The two main reasons people re-home a parrot is 1, a spouse doesn't like birds and 2, sometimes there noisy...I'm sure your husband researched this before getting the bird. Your husband could relocate his home office, since this wouldn't disrupt or cause psychological damage to him, the way re-homing your bird or shoving your bird into corner would. Your husband can change for the bird and his family's love for this bird and him...

[Coral&Andrew]

thats a hard situation for you to be in, but is there anyway when your husbands on the fone, cant your grey go into another room or not, its a really hard situation can you give us some more information, and i may come up with a better answer haha, could your husband have his office anywhere else, or any where else in the house i agree with what JudyGram said, he wants to be apart of your flock and always be round your family and wants to know whats going on lol i hope your problem gets resolved though i feel for you, and make sure you dont re-home him because of it, im sure theres another alternative.

[caleigha]

I would need more information. Does hubby have an office in the house? Are the calls coming in all day or are they sporadic? Does Chili respond to being covered? (I have a mini macaw that will start making noise if I have people over but I can cover him and tell him goodnight and he will be quiet.)

 

Yes, his office is in the house downstairs. He is a consultant so the calls come in at any time of day, totally sporadic, and the calls take priority. Clients are his bread and butter.

Chili used to be quiet when we covered him, but not anymore. He pretty much talks from the time he wakes up until bedtime whether he is covered or not. I LOVE his talking. I am a writer and I can completely tune him out and work while he talks. To me it is a beautiful background noise. But my husband says the noise just cuts straight through the phone line.

 

 

My grey gets more vocal when I am on the telephone also. In your husband's case, is he on the phone whenever someone calls or is there a set time he has set aside for telephone calls, i.e., he is making the calls? Is Chili's cage in the same room as your husband's office? Since everyone is home, why can't your oldest son remove Chilli from the area and distract him? Without knowing all the circumstances, it is hard to give solutions that might work.

His cage is 2 rooms away, but the room my dh is in doesn't have a door. I guess that is part of the problem. Hmmm....maybe that is a solution - a door on that room. As for distracting Chili, right now that's what we're doing; we distract him when dh is on the phone.

 

thats a hard situation for you to be in, but is there anyway when your husbands on the fone, cant your grey go into another room or not, its a really hard situation can you give us some more information, and i may come up with a better answer haha, could your husband have his office anywhere else, or any where else in the house i agree with what JudyGram said, he wants to be apart of your flock and always be round your family and wants to know whats going on lol i hope your problem gets resolved though i feel for you, and make sure you dont re-home him because of it, im sure theres another alternative.

 

We have a separate building on our property that he works in during the spring and summer, but once it gets cold outside the building is too cold. That's why this problem has suddenly sprung up - my husband is back in the house. We got Chili on June 1 and dh was working outside in the other building. Now he is in the house with us and we have to readjust!

 

Thank you all SO much. I really need to hear all of these things.

Candace

[judygram]

His cage is 2 rooms away, but the room my dh is in doesn't have a door. I guess that is part of the problem. Hmmm....maybe that is a solution - a door on that room.

 

That sounds like a viable option and would solve the problem if that is what you could easily do.

[danmcq]

I work in my home now full-time doing technical support engineering for software. My grey sits directly behind me. Most people ask, if Dayo happens to be talking or whistling, and I just comment with "Yes, my Parrot is giving me advice in regards your problem" and most just laugh or I have ran into some Parrot owners as well and that spins off into another whole conversation. I understand depending on the industry your husband is consulting in may frown upon the slightest background noise. So the solutions others have mentioned could work for you and him.

 

1 - Move husband into one of the rooms and close the door.

 

2 - Move Chili into another room and close the door during work hours. IT would be no different than going to work out of the home all day and returning home in say 9 hours. The way you describe the toys and items in the cage, there would be plenty to keep Chili busy.

 

3 - I use a noise filtering headset that cancels most of Dayo's chatter due to the microphone being directly at lip level and the filters take out most of threat except for louder sounds like whistles or loud volume "See the Crows!?"

 

I am positive if you get together as a family and discuss this, a workable solution will be found for all.

Edited October 22, 2010 by danmcq

[Dave007]

Maybe you can buy an inexpensive cordless phone so hubby can walk away while being on the phone?

[Luvparrots]

If the door doesn't help, another solution is also to heat the separate building/room outside. Then there is ample quiet time and warm space for your husband.

[Talon]

I agree with the advice others have posted. Put a SOUNDPROOF door on his office. Use anoise canceling headset. And tell him to relish in the additional help he gets from the bird. PErsonally when I am on the phone with customers, they LOVE hearing my bird and learning some cool facts about it. I have never had anyone tell me it's too noisy or they don't want to hear the bird. Everyone LOVES hearing it! It's not like 'kid' noise where it's common. Having a parrot is a unique situation.

Tell hubby to lighten up and enjoy this beautiful creature who only want our love, attention and approval...

[caleigha]

MUCHO thanks to everyone for your ideas. It looks like we are going to either put a door in, or get a heavy-duty heater for the outside office. Yay!!! Peace has once again entered my home. I wish that my husband was a bird lover, but alas...he isn't. I let him have his giant dogs (don't tell him I secretly love them!) and he lets me have my cats and birds. And we shall live happily ever after in our crazy zoo.

[judygram]

MUCHO thanks to everyone for your ideas. It looks like we are going to either put a door in, or get a heavy-duty heater for the outside office. Yay!!! Peace has once again entered my home. I wish that my husband was a bird lover, but alas...he isn't. I let him have his giant dogs (don't tell him I secretly love them!) and he lets me have my cats and birds. And we shall live happily ever after in our crazy zoo.

 

Where there is a will there is a way, it looks like you have found a solution to your problem that works for everyone, so glad to hear that peace shall rein in your household again, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

[Luvparrots]

Happy, happy, happy that a solution has been found!!!!!!!

[Acappella]

There are lots of other things you can do to make the whole space less noise conductive. You said the room your husband works in is two rooms away from where the cage is. Like you said, hang a good heavy door in the office, and in the other doorway hang some lined drapery panels. Also, an area rug, plants, cushions, any other soft furnishings, in the office will dampen sound. You can also hang drapes or a decorative quilt on the wall in the main room. Anything that will stop sound from bouncing around the room.

 

If you decide to keep the office in the separate building you may be able to do it pretty cost-effectively. I know here in Canada there are huge incentives to insulate and make building more energy-efficient. If you turn that out-building into his full-time office, any improvements you make can be partially written-off against his income.

 

The hardest thing to change is the mental part. He has decided that your little grey buddies' sound bothers him, so the sound bothers him. You love it, so it doesn't bother you. Example. A friend from the city recently came up here for the night. He lives in the middle of down-town Toronto, with sirens, streetcars, traffic, and all the sounds of a big city, and sleeps through it. What kept him awake here? Crickets! And here some people pay money for sleep machines or CD's with crickets sounds on them, because they've decided they find that sound soothing. Your birds isn't any louder to you than he is to your husband, (unless he has off-the-chart hearing). What makes the difference? Perception! As William Shakespeare said "there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"

[reggieroo]

There are lots of other things you can do to make the whole space less noise conductive. You said the room your husband works in is two rooms away from where the cage is. Like you said, hang a good heavy door in the office, and in the other doorway hang some lined drapery panels. Also, an area rug, plants, cushions, any other soft furnishings, in the office will dampen sound. You can also hang drapes or a decorative quilt on the wall in the main room. Anything that will stop sound from bouncing around the room.

 

If you decide to keep the office in the separate building you may be able to do it pretty cost-effectively. I know here in Canada there are huge incentives to insulate and make building more energy-efficient. If you turn that out-building into his full-time office, any improvements you make can be partially written-off against his income.

 

The hardest thing to change is the mental part. He has decided that your little grey buddies' sound bothers him, so the sound bothers him. You love it, so it doesn't bother you. Example. A friend from the city recently came up here for the night. He lives in the middle of down-town Toronto, with sirens, streetcars, traffic, and all the sounds of a big city, and sleeps through it. What kept him awake here? Crickets! And here some people pay money for sleep machines or CD's with crickets sounds on them, because they've decided they find that sound soothing. Your birds isn't any louder to you than he is to your husband, (unless he has off-the-chart hearing). What makes the difference? Perception! As William Shakespeare said "there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"

 

You are so right on the nail about certain sounds to certain people. I've had people come see me here in the countryside & say they wouldn't be able to sleep with the sound of the birds in the morning but yet they live in the big city & the sound of trucks, planes etc doesn't bother them. Certain noises that our birds do can agitate too, not for everyone in the house though. Take Murphy & his screaming, it would annoy the hell out of me but at first didn't bother Kate. I think the screaming only annoys her now because she knows I don't like it. It's more of what I perceive it to mean than the actual scream that gets me agitated I think. He has toned it down a lot & not so often but every time I hear it I still feel that kinda feeling of here we go again! We did have it bad for 6-7 months so I have to remind myself that it's a lot better now & to give him a break. I think most of us at some point in parrot ownership have experienced a certain noise the we don't like & rubs us up the wrong way.

[katana600]

You already have such a great start on resolving this issue. Communication, negotiation and compassion will bring you what everybody wants. I love the idea of a door, and even making sure it is a fortified door with some soundproofing. We have a smaller parrot on the main floor and even with my daughter's door closed upstairs, she will still get distressed at certain times when she can't block out the noise. I wonder if your husband could also install a small light, kind of like the "on air" that a radio station uses. The more things you can do to give your husband the impression you love your bird, yet you consider his needs, it will help him find a way in his heart to work with you to find a workable solution where everyone wins. There will be times when he is working on something more critical where you could agree that if the light is on, someone moves the bird and "studies" or reads in an upstairs bedroom with him on a perch, or gives him a favorite toy that might keep his attention for a time. The headphones would be a great gift to dad from your little feathered friend. You will go through a lot of changes in your family and work situation and you sound like you are already on the right track to rolling with those changes. My husband was not a big animal lover, but the transformation after thirty years together has been miraculous and he has gotten to be almost as attached and interactive with our pets as I have.

[Greywings]

Good work and good ideas this is a problem solving community.

[katana600]

Today when my dogs were barking and I was on the phone, I was thinking of you. I would love to buy an old fashioned phone booth, sound proofed, so I could step inside and hear myself think. Well, then again, maybe not hear THAT, LOL, but at least not hear the echo of the barking in my own ear. I was thinking of a little "time out" booth, soundproofed in a closet in his office for those necessary moments when he has to think and hear his own thoughts to conduct portions of his business. In all seriousness, you sound like you are getting great ideas on your own to sort this out in a workable solution for everyone in your lovely family.