Long update... would like some opinions if you have the time.

[jessdecutie18]

So it's been months. Sorry guys, just a lot going on and it's not as often I can come on here. But I'm still lurking around, reading posts and commenting a bit

 

Lots of stuff to tell about Yoshi really. About a month ago we moved her cage downstairs and rearranged parts of our house a bit. She seems to have taken to that change just fine. She is a great flyer now, and flies around a bunch. She still has about 3 clipped feathers on each wing that haven't fallen yet but they don't seem to hinder her at all.

 

A couple days after moving her cage, she got spooked and had her worst accident to date. She still was a little irractically flying and when she got spooked she flew off her cage, in a circle, and flew back, missed her cage, and hit the wall. I was at work at the time and my husband called. Poor Yoshi was a bit out of it for a couple days. Worst part was her eye on one side and arround it got all puffy and was bruised. She was still eating the next day but was quiet and did nothing but stand in one spot most of the day. She slowely came around. It was scary! I felt so bad for her! Since the accident, her flying has definatly improved.

 

Remember I had volunteered to take care of a sun conure and lovebird? The Sun Conure was absolutely too loud. A friendly lady is taking care of it now thank goodness. I'd never be able to keep a Sun Conure lol. I still have the lovebird, will be taking care of it for my deployed friend until sometime next year. The lovebird really is no trouble. I can't manage to get him to step up or anything, he seems scared to death of everyone. Its name is Bongo, came to me without toys but I've been putting small toys together for it and Bongo loves to rip them apart

 

Back to Yoshi, she seemed nervous when we had the sun conure, nervous and jumpy. I think that was part of what caused her to freak and have her accident and it was the last straw with the Sun Conure, then we knew we couldn't look after him for months still to come.

 

The flying is great but I'm lying if I say it's all great. She is strong willed and is a little annoying with flying off her cage-top or perch or whatever constantly to get to me but I just say 'go back' over and over and over. She knows what 'come-on' and 'go-back' mean by now, I'm sure of it. We make sure if we don't tell her to 'come' and she flies over we now always send her back. But of course she still wants to be with us.

 

Now the BIGGEST issue: Over the last while, Yoshi seems to have gotten more and more to where she likes me and always wants to be with me but has become really odd with my husband. Sometimes we just don't understand her. It has gotten worse though, not better. I'll try and explain well so you guys can get an idea. Lately, it's like she just seems really scared of my husband. He thinks she hates him, and I'll think no she doesn't hate you, but I'm not so sure what's going on. Usually in the morning, she will call to be let out when she hears us moving around upstairs. If I go get her she is happy and fine. If Mike (husband) goes to get her she seems afraid. She scuttles around in her cage and then he will open the cage and calm as can be say 'Come on Yoshi' but she will try to jump out and fly away from him yelling and squawking. If he goes over to her she makes the quiet 'discomfort sounds' which usually either turns into her flying away yelling or stepping up onto his hand but seeing totally tense and leaning away like he is about to attack her or something. Often she will try to fly to me. I don't want to interfere so usually I just stand there with a sinking feeling getting sad as I see my husband get all frustrated and my bird, out of breath from running away, finally step up and be put back in her cage. He says she is a jerk, trying to get away all the time. I know it is very frustrating.

 

At first I was telling him he needs to stay calm and stuff, and got really upset about it. But lately I have been watching him and he really has been trying with her. He has been calm and trying to get her trust. He even has tried being the main one to give her treats and stuff because he wants her to like him. He doesn't want it to be like this and it stresses everyone out. But lately she will either do tricks and stuff for treats from him, but seem completely edgy and nervous the whole time, or she won't even accept anything from him, even her favorites. She is always a second from flight whenever he comes up to her, ready to get away. Mike actually used to get several bites but now it's more fleeing than biting. I don't know what else he can do...

 

I know that when something is happining like Yoshi running away and they both get all stressed out and then Yoshi gets put away that is a bad experience for Yoshi. But what should we do? I don't want to take over and then have her feel that I'll rescue her from 'Big Evil Mike' because we don't want it to be like that. It's an awkward situation really.

 

Lately, although Mike is home all day, we have been having Yoshi in her cage more, sometimes until I'm home, because we don't want problems and then have Mike unable to get her and put her away if he needs to. He has had to catch her in mid-air a couple times squawking away because he needed to put her away.

 

So... when Yoshi is with me she is usually totally fine, but when with Mike she is often flighty and out of control. What's going on here?

 

 

*One extra note in case you already read all the rest. Sometimes at night when I get all cuddly with Yoshi and am usually alternating between scratching her and playing video games with my husband, I'll put her beside me on her big stand and she will actually fly over to Mike and get scratches and be (usually) totally fine with him all of a sudden. ONLY at night sometimes. It totally confuses Mike and I that she is suddenly fine with him. But just as sudden she might then freak out again. It's really hard to know.

Edited October 15, 2010 by jessdecutie18

[JDS5607]

With your husband, she may just be "choosing you". I have read that some greys don't want anything to do with anyone else in the house, unless it is their idea. Sully really really chooses me, all the time, because I'm home most... but there are times where he waddles over (bc his wings are clipped) to my husbad and wants to be with him. Very rarely, though, does he leave me to spend time with him. It's bittersweet. As much as I love sully, sometimes I wish he would jut go cuddle with my husband so they could bond more... but once your bird chooses, that's who he chooses.

 

As long as Yoshi isn't chasing after your husband,trying to bite, I don't think it's anything to be concerned over. It just seems as if Yoshi doesn't want anything to do with him, unless it's her idea.

 

BUT- as far as her being scared of him... did he ever accidently make a loud noise that spooked her? Like dropping a pan on the floor or something like that? If so, she may associate him with that loud noise. Just a thought

[Cheshire Cat]

As said before, a lot of Greys as we know bond to particular people in the household. Tui has bonded more with my fiancee as he was around a lot when I first had her. I was working and my fiancee was off work ill, so he'd sit with Tui. She's well behaved with me, but she loves to be with my fiancee when he's in the room.

 

I do agree that Yoshi may have just chosen you and wants your attention. Some Greys seem to only want the attention of that one person they've bonded with, while others will take attention from anyone like my Tui does. She'll begin whistling as soon as I leave the room and whenever I'm watching TV because she wants attention, even though she's bonded more with my fiancee than me.

[Dave007]

With many young greys, it's a phase that they go through. They'll turn away from one person, act very nervous, jittery or may bite or screech or just try to run away and avoid that person but the bond with the regular person (you) may even get more intense. Many times, it's temporary. In the future it's even possible that you'll eventually be the unfavored person for a while. Greys often switch allegiance. Yes, it's a good idea that your husband is partaking in many things with Yoshi but try to sit back and really think about the most important things you're actually doing with her all the time 24/7. Things that are ultra important and that only you do with the bird. It's those things that your hubby may need to start doing. You may have to temporarily disappear while certain things are being done and that even applies to the minor chores of cleaning a cage or feeding a treat etc. Your husband may be doing some of those everyday chores but if you're around and your bird can see you, it may lessen what you and he are trying to accomplish. Many people who have this problem can't be near or seen by the bird while things are being done with another person. Eventually, a bird can finally get used to that *other* person doing some important things and will somewhat relax but like all things with greys, it can take quite a while. Many times, a bird goes back to being a 2 person bird. What also causes your problem is when a bird reaches early adolesence. As they grow, their personality changes

The same things apply to training. It's very hard to train a bird to do simple things if another person is around and distracting him/her.

[jessdecutie18]

My husband reads this and is confused. He says he is the one who is always around the most and I'm at work not ever the other way round. He also says he often tries to give her a treat and she refuses them and wont do anything else with him. She is a lot more tame to Mike when I'm around, like if she is stepping up to him and then coming into a room with both of us. Weekends with us both there seem to be easier.

 

Thank you for your replies so far. I am glad that she isn't flying after and attacking him! It's like you said, she doesn't seem to want anything to do with him most of the time. I think the saddest thing for Mike is that she used to be just fine with him. Usually also if we are out with her or something new she is fine with him again.

[Dave007]

""I think the saddest thing for Mike is that she used to be just fine with him""

 

If there really isn't anything wrong other than what you said that goes on, more than likely he'll eventually come around with your husband but it takes a while. If he was extremely afraid of your husband he would be staying away from your husband in the evenings too so half the battle is already won.

Edited October 16, 2010 by Dave007

[KimKim]

The rescue where I got my grey from told me the lady gave him up because he started to bite her and loved her husband. Her husband did not really care for him as he was the wife's bird, so she gave him to the rescue because she thought he hated her. They had bought him as a baby and he was two when they gave him up. Now he loves me, well most of the time:) depending on what mood he is in. He will try and regurgitate for me sometimes, but he is not much of a lover and the only time he likes his head scratched is at night. He also likes my husband most of the time too, sometimes he prefers to be with him than me, so I would also say it is a phase.

Edited October 16, 2010 by KimKim

[reggieroo]

We've had a few ups & downs with Murphy & one of the issues was handling of him with other people but me, have a read of some of my posts, you might get some answers.

 

One thing that might not be helping your Husband, you say that your husband has tried to catch her mid flight? That will not help Yoshi in her confidence with your husband, it could make her worse. That is their way of escape, to fly off with their heightened sense of fight or flight, either fly or bite. If she flys & he catches her, it will make her feel kinda trapped, surprised she hasn't bitten him hard yet upon being caught. I have had those situations with Murphy when he is giving me the runaround & you don't have time for it, you lose patience & try to catch them in a hurry. What happens is it just makes the situation worse, they start stressing & panting because they are out of breath trying to avoid being picked up, your stressed, their stressed. I soon realised that you need to just let them settle & offer a calm hand in a relaxed manner, remember they sense how your feeling. If this has happened on a few occasions, especially repeatedly that could be the reason she feels nervous of his hand.

 

Also if your Husband is the one putting her in her cage most of the time, it could be that she doesn't want to go back & associates his hand with something negative like going back to the cage. I had something a little like that with Murphy, he would give me the runaround, I would finally put him in but then he would be in a mood with me for hours afterwards. So now I try & put him back in on a positive note rather than after a chase. They are funny little creatures & very sensitive, sometimes you don't know you've done anything wrong but in their eyes it may be a different story.

Edited October 16, 2010 by reggieroo

[Jane08]

Another one here who had a similar problem. Our male wanted nothing to do with my BF and would sit in the kitchen when my BF was in the living room, if BF went into the kitchen he would fly into the living room. I could see the scared look on his face and really tried to get away from my BF. This really was a phase our grey went through and he did get over it.

 

We also thought if our grey didn't like my BF coming to him then my BF had to find some way of having Rangi come to him. We all know how curious our greys are and they can't help themselves. My BF would have things he knew Rangi liked and would stand just where Rangi could see him and then make noises over the treat or object. Rangi loves plastic bags that make noises like chip packets so he would stand and make noises getting into the packet. He would really exaggerate it all and you could see Rangi looking and this internal fight going on with himself as he decided whether to go over or not. In the end he couldn't help himself...curiosity got the cat...and he would go over to my BF. My BF would praise Rangi and make a big deal out of it. My BF did this with all types of things until Rangi willingly would come to him. Now when my BF comes home Rangi is the first one ot fly to him and welcome him home.

[jessdecutie18]

Thanks for the responses guys, I'm relaying them to my husband to see what he says.

[jessdecutie18]

Well I showed my husband all the responses.

 

He just says this: "She used to bite me when I caught her mid-air but now she doesn't. As I said before, this phase better end quick or one of us is gone."

 

I know he is sick of it but I really can't imagine giving Yoshi away... I really do love her Of course I love him more but don't feel I should have to give my bird away. I think he feels he has already tried everything.

 

I showed him where you are Reggie with Kate and Murphy and how everything is improving for you guys. I explained some of the tips you got in your post. I also said if he couldn't get Yoshi to step up and go back in her cage then I would.

[jessdecutie18]

MY POST:

 

> I agree with what Reggie says on stuff like catching her not helping

> Yoshi build confidence in you and you chasing her and putting her away

> making her afraid and reluctant to be on your hand. She needs positive

> experiences with you. If she flies away when you are trying to put her

> back, instead of chasing her step away, let you both calm down, and go

> back and say step up. If she still doesn't get on your hand then I'll

> come and put her straight back in her cage.

>

> In Reggie's case, his wife Kate is always getting bit by the bird

> while he can do anything he wants with it. She is afraid of the bird

> now, so she just has a verbal friendship with him and leaves

> everything to Reggie. She does want to have a better relationship

> though, and was advised to try a couple things. Mainly just to try

> giving the bird treats in the cage, then trying to get the bird to

> step up without biting or flying away and another treat and back in

> the cage after a positive experience. Working slowly and not expecting

> too much. At first this failed, as the bird lunged at Kate or lunged

> at the treat and threw it to the ground. But as the bird realizes

> what's going on it accepts the treat, then accepts stepping up. Now

> she can get the bird to step up and move it around without getting bitten.

>

> Just 10 days of trying a couple times a day and "Kate can now get him

> to step up with no bites, not quite sure how we did it, maybe

> persistence or just a phase he was going through? I think it's

> important for Kate to handle him on a regular basis, which she is

> going to do. I can tell Kate is a lot happier now that she can handle Murphy."

>

> Yoshi has to get over that fear of you by understanding that she can

> have positive experiences with you and you have to ensure you don't

> add to the negative experiences by lunging to catch her or taking away

> the little trust in you she still has.

>

> I hope this phase ends soon too!

 

 

MIKE'S RESPONSE:

 

I've tried letting her calm down and then calmly asking her to step up. Doesn't work.

You say Yoshi has to get over her fear of me. I don't think she's really scared of me as I think she's more just not wanting me around. I think if she was scared, she wouldn't let me do anything at all including tricks and night scratches. That's probably why she's always flying away when she seems totally fine and flying to you.

[jessdecutie18]

Do any of you guys even live in Florida or close to it? I would never be able to put Yoshi on Craigslist if it came down to it and there is no one I know of here that would spoil Yoshi and give her the proper love and care she always deserves. I'm just curious if anyone on here is close to me as several people don't have their location on their profiles... she has a lovely big cage and 3 stands and a ton of stuff. I could only imagine giving Yoshi to one of you regulars on here.

 

Just the thought of giving her away though breaks my heart I'm going to stop thinking about this but I guess I do need a plan.

[reggieroo]

Do any of you guys even live in Florida or close to it? I would never be able to put Yoshi on Craigslist if it came down to it and there is no one I know of here that would spoil Yoshi and give her the proper love and care she always deserves. I'm just curious if anyone on here is close to me as several people don't have their location on their profiles... she has a lovely big cage and 3 stands and a ton of stuff. I could only imagine giving Yoshi to one of you regulars on here.

 

Just the thought of giving her away though breaks my heart I'm going to stop thinking about this but I guess I do need a plan.

 

I know the thoughts may cross your mind to give Yoshi to a new home but just think if you manage to get your Husband & Yoshi to get along & you manage to iron out any problems things will be cool again. There have been times when Murphy has stressed us out to the point when you wonder why you put up with it when you don't have to. Because let's face it no one has to keep their bird if they really don't want too, we ultimately make the decision about their future. "Kate has said on more than one occasion that bird must go, I can't handle that for the next 40-50 years" I even got the threat of "if it's me or the bird!" one day. Kate said " I know you won't get rid of him so if it comes to it, he goes or I do!" I wasn't best pleased about that statement, I have to tell you! I could understand her thoughts on the matter though, all the screaming & biting, the thought of that for 40-50 years would drive anyone crazy.

 

Anyway what I'm trying to say is you are not alone, I'm sure there are other people on here who have gone through the same thing & worked through it. What I tell myself & Kate is that "when we work through this, which we will, all will be good. I remind myself of all the reasons I wanted a grey & think about all the nice stories & vids on here that make me smile & I think one day my grey will be like that. We just need to work through this difficult time to get to better times. Things are starting to get better for us, finally after 7 months, we can see a light at the end of the tunnel. You will have setbacks, we did yesterday as Murphy was back at the screaming again for some reason but that was yesterday & I put that behind me now, today is a new day. Be positive!

 

What I would suggest for now is that your Husband doesn't handle Yoshi for a while to let things calm down between them. I have found that you really do need to work with these greys & give them time to come round if you upset them in any way. What seems to be happening with Yoshi & your Husband is, your Husband is getting frustrated with Yoshi for not doing what he wants her to do like step up etc & Yoshi is feeling that frustration & stress too. Just say to him that he will have to have a verbal relationship with her for now & that in time that will progress into more but for now just chill & talk with her instead. This is what we did with Kate at first, she just spoke to him as she walked past etc, then gradually tried the step ups with a piece of wood, then from my hand to hers & now there is progress but still lots more work to do.

 

Maybe if you give us a typical day in the life of Yoshi. All the things that happen from the morning wake up to the time for bed. How she is with both you & your Husband, interactions, good & bad etc. That way if you paint a picture for a whole day there will be other people on here with good experience that will be able to help, give you the right advise & together we will help you work through this difficult time.

Edited October 19, 2010 by reggieroo

[danmcq]

All great comments from everyone.

 

My two cents as the "Other" person in the flock that is a full member, but not the chosen one. Mike needs to accept his position and quit trying to force things on Yoshi. It only builds frustration on both parties and Yoshi can sense the tension and nervousness instantly, even if Mike is trying to hide it. If Yoshi declines or seems disinterested, mike should just leave her alone and respect her wishes. If you continue to try and force interaction, a bite and hurt feelings are going to occur every time.

 

You are the chosen one and Yoshi's snuggle muffin. You can take her and probably twirl her around on your finger like a key chain or snuggle and kiss her with reciprocated enthusiasm from her in return. Let Mike try any of this and I guarantee those same things will be rejected.

 

I live as the #2 and love Dayo with all my heart. I love it when he decides on his own to interact with me for "Moments" in touching, scratching etc. They are very short and far in between. But, I learned long ago not to try and decide when, where and how often. It did not work, pissed him off and I cannot count the bites I received, not because he is mean or hates, but because I simply did not respect his wants and the relationship he had with my wife as his cuddle muffin. The more I tried, the more violent Dayo became towards me. I can guarantee you, if things continue like they are with tension building not only between mike and Yoshi, but with you as well, it will become much worse. Yoshi can sense the tension in the atmosphere and it makes her apprehensive as well.

 

My best suggestion is for everyone to chill out, accept Yoshi on her terms and just enjoy the beautiful sentient being you have been blessed with.

 

If people want a snuggle muffin, get a dog they like everyone and will take food anytime offered.

 

A Parrot, well they are a very wild creature and act accordingly.

[rbpittman]

Ditto to what Dan said!!!

 

Dixie is my bird in every sense of the word except for who she loves - and that seems to be everyone but me! No matter how much I love her she loves me differently than everyone else. Her true love is my husband Paul, and with him gone working on a submarine she has decided to substitute my daughter Sarah and my son LP. You would think it would be me, but heavens to Betsy, NO WAY! I get the occassional head scratches and kisses, but nothing like she will do with everyone else. I've done nothing to provoke her, I feed her, clean her cage, bring her treats, take her outside, give her a bath, and get no respect. Does that change my love - again - NO WAY! I accepted early on that Dixie had chosen Paul, who cares, I still get to enjoy her every day. We talk, we sing, we dance, just at a distance. When the rare moment occurs that she wants to be on my shoulder or allow me to scratch her head I'm over joyed. Tell Mike to put his big boy pants on and man up and realize he can't be the center of attention for both you and Yoshi. It's the nature of the Grey and one of the reasons they are so amazing!

[Barbara2]

I've gone back to the beginning and read the posts regarding how excited you and your husband were to be getting your baby, choosing a name, bringing her home, passing her back and forth between you. It actually brought tears to my eyes just reading it. I really, really hope you can get past this phase and keep her. I know how much you love her and I could tell that your husband loved her too. Love and patience are the primary keys. If he can do that, he will be so happy later on when he again sees the bird he fell in love with.

[Dave007]

jessdecutie18

 

You speak about possible adoption( remote idea)) or the remote possibility of getting another home in case things don't work out.

There's times when a person needs to understand the time line jargon in the bird world. The same time line is much shorter concerning other animals, especially domestic animals. I already mentioned * quite a while* to you.

In the bird world the problems you're having may take as long as 6,7 mts to correct. In the domestic animal world * quite a while* may be referring to 6,7 weeks.

Approx 65 to 70% of the family having the type of problems you're having plus other problems take * quite a while* to get rectified. Maybe you've already tried some suggestions given to you and they didn't do a good job, but it's possible that the *quite a while* phrase wasn't applied long enough because you're dealing with a wild animal who is totally different than a domestic animal. It takes a long time because they have instinctive personalites that don't show themselves quickly. Many people are surprised when a bird gets older and changes it's personality. Sometimes a grey's older, more permanent personality which SOON appears doesn't appeal to some people. It's possible that the older bird will start accepting a certain person in the family for certain things but not other things. The other person may go through the same thing. That even happens to older birds in a house when there's no problems. I have greys that WON'T do certain things with me but will with my wife. The same holds true for my wife. I'm the only one the birds will deal with for other things. When they don't get their way, they often bite if their routine is interfered with.

In the mornings, when all of them are jumping and climbing around in their cages listening to me as my hand goes through bags of different nuts, I will go to them, give out almonds and walnuts and hazel nuts but one of them goes to the farthest place in the cage until my wife comes over to give him his portion. Why? Who knows? One of my greys will fly over to me in the evening when we're watching TV and want to be scratched in cetain areas but will nip if I try other areas. That same bird will fly to my wife and only she can scratch those other areas but he will nip if she touches the other areas. Why? Who knows?

Now to you, these things may seen minor but I and my wife have to accept the fact that the birds are set in their ways and will not change. I learned a long time ago that some wild animals won't change. So my point here is that * quite a while* can very possibly be a different time line. A parrot often does this when the art and act of flying becomes routine. As a matter of fact, it's these things that cause other people to start thinking about wing clips. This may not apply to you but people will do many things in order to curtail a bird's certain habits.

Many people aren't aware of time lines where birds are concerned and it isn't their fault.

[Birdnut]

This problem has brought to light some very important things that my husband and I have learned with our parrots. I will share these as my two cents contribution.

 

First, keeping a parrot, especially one of the larger, long-lived parrots, must be a mutual commitment between the partners in a household. No one should ever have a parrot foisted upon them without their assent. In this case, both of you were obviously in agreement about getting Yoshi, so Mike did not have Yoshi forced upon him. Once you have the bird, it is a commitment. It's kind of like a marriage: there will be fun times and there will be rough times.

 

Second, a parrot is not a domestic animal. There is a reason this type of pet is called "exotic." It is a wild animal, and unlike a domesticated one, it will not retain juvenile characteristics through its life, but will grow and mature, with all the inherent personality changes that come with that process. A parrot can adjust to life in a human household only to a certain extent; we humans must do most of the adjusting.

 

And third, and very important, my husband and I learned that to be happy with our parrots, we must keep our egos in check. We have learned that we cannot take things personally. This can be hard, as, of course, we do love the birds and have strong attachments to them. It can really hurt your feelings when your beloved bird is "mean" to you. Like my conures can sometimes harass me unbearably with little nips, but then, when I pay attention, I see that they hassle each other the same way. They're just treating me like one of the flock. If we can keep from taking things personally, then we are much more able to analyze a situation more rationally and take steps to minimize the problems.

 

Just my two cents. I really hope you are able to work out some resolution to your problems without having to rehome Yoshi.

[jessdecutie18]

Wow, where do I start? You guys are so helpful, it really warms my heart to know people like you are out there and are trying to help.

 

Mike put some of our lunch in Yoshi's treat bowl today, and she just ran away. He was commenting on how she is so obsessed with him being a scary monster that she wouldn't even eat, but then we ignored her for a moment and were talking and she crept back over to her bowl and started eating. I think it's hard for Mike when he tries something and doesn't see results. Right now Yoshi is downstairs in a big open area, and it had frustrated Mike because when she flies off of her cage, she can fly all over the house. Our house is pretty open. I will not clip Yoshi's wings, or I think Mike would have had them cut by now. He would like her in a room that can be closed off so she can be controlled more, or just so we can shut the door and walk away for a moment and calm down without hearing her screaming and knowing that she is okay. I'm seriously considering changing our storage room entirely into a 'bird room'. She would have her own room then and I can bird-proof it. Still debating this idea...

 

Also, I have inherited a nice sized black cage that I would love to use as an outdoor cage occasionally so Yoshi can get some sun in the mornings. Problem is, it was left outside for a year and is rusty. Now, I know rust is dangerous. Is there a way to recoat the cage in something and make it usable? It's a nice cage, never used, just rusted. My friend planned on getting a conure but never did and the cage just rusted outside. It's one of those simple black square ones. If it is going to be a ton of work then I'll just toss it, but I was hoping I can use it! Don't know much about painting Any ideas?

 

I really hope this is a phase. I can see now that several people have had similar experiences in a way, and it's interesting to see what the 'other' or '2nd' people here think and how they have learned to get along with the household bird without being the main person that the bird looks for

 

Reggie, thank you for your posts. I think you and I have had and are having a couple very similar situations with our birds. They would probably be pals!

I will write up a post on the average day in the life of Yoshi soon!

 

Barbara, I know, it breaks my heart when Yoshi and Mike get all frustrated and unhappy now. They used to be so good together. Yoshi would even do tricks better for Mike than she does for me. I've always been the caretaker, and payed Yoshi much more attention. After all, I'm the one that really wanted her. Mike went along with it for me. We have had so many good times, Yoshi has become such a part of our lives, and I love her so much. I try to stress to Mike how much she means to me because he doesn't love her like I do. If we gave her to someone he wouldn't shed a tear. To him she is a fun toy that isn't fun anymore but instead a hassle. Only for me is he trying to make amends with her. I really can't imagine giving her up though. I really don't want Mike to think I love her more than him, it's just that I feel she is part of the family now. Giving her up would cause much grief on my part, and I wouldn't give her up easily. It would have to be someone I knew would take good care of her forever. That counts out all family and friends. Only a few of you guys do I think I'd accept giving Yoshi to. Even then it would be hard and a big thing...

 

I think the idea of Mike just leaving Yoshi alone a little while is a good one. I really hope this all works out because I still have a lot of fun with Yoshi and when it's just me and her she is totally fine.

 

Nice comment about patience too Dave. I know these things take time. I just think I have much more patience than my husband, haha.

[katana600]

Jess, I really do feel for Mike. He had a similar relationship to Yoshi in the beginning and now she is treating him worse than an unwanted stepchild. Did some of this start as Yoshi got her flight ability, it seems close to that. She is feeling her freedom and making choices and not as easily contained. We have gone through some trials with our little bird Java. She had my daughter so unhappy she didn't want to come home from college. She was actively attacking her and pulling her hair and doing really mean things. Kelsey never had the opportunity to bond and snuggle with Java so it was a painful time with none of the happy memories to bank on to say, it is going to be okay. Java was determined to drive out this intruder from a flock she thought was just right.... before the semester breaks. We had a small compromise by having our vet dremel just a little of the sharpness off Java's beak because Kelsey was legitimately afraid. For a short break, Java could be cagebound, and for a long break we worked gradually to never accept an outright attack, I would go get her and put her in time out. It is totally different with you and Mike though. He had the love and now he is getting the brush off in a big way. The happy news here is that we compromised on some things and little by little it got better and any one of us can take care of Java and reach in her cage, but she really can't be counted on for closeness to anyone else unless it is her idea. Also, Kopi still will not accept my husband David. He acted somewhat fearful and withdrawn at first, then went to full fledged growling, then to disdain and scorn and just two weeks ago for the first time, he didn't fling David's nightly almond offering to the dogs with contempt. That is after eight months of patience and kindness on David's part. Sometimes it is helpful to plan an exit strategy, and I don't mean to rehome Yoshi, that should be a drop dead deal breaker after all else fails. It could start by saying... if Mike ignores Yoshi totally for two months and things still have not become better, re-evaluate at that time and maybe give Mike a certain time period daily, a couple of hours before bed time etc. that Yoshi has cage time while you and Mike have time together. I like the idea of making progressive concessions in each direction until it brings the two feuding sides closer together. After a couple of months of ignoring Yoshi, she might come to him on her own, or he might tune her out and not be as sensitive to her rejection and the two may naturally come to a new understanding even better than before. We have been able to keep a sense of humor about it, but we have thirty years of marriage behind us. I know it still hurts a little for David to be so willing to be Kopi's friend, to be paying really high vet bills and really caring about his health and safety. I tell David he travels so much Kopi thinks he is a gigolo who comes in on the weekends, and he considers that an unacceptable impropriety. LOL. I am going to teach him to say "What now gigolo?" LOL. In all seriousness, it doesn't have to be all or nothing with Mike and Yoshi. You could consider a plan you can both live with, set a time table for a year out before you make any drastic decisions and have smaller steps in between. On one of the steps about six months out, you might consider boarding Yoshi for a set period of time so you both can feel the void that will be in your home without her. Your sadness and loss may bring out Mike's protection of you when he realizes that you would give up someone you love so thoroughly but it is going to come at a high cost to your relationship with him if he forces it. It is all going to be okay Jess. Don't make any sudden decisions you will both regret. For now, just breathe. Then, think of a plan and talk it through and make an agreement with Mike to try. It is really hard for me to think about Yoshi not being with Jess. I wanted to jump in and take care of her when you were called to service, but our home has been touched with a deadly illness and we are still trying to quarantine and not lose any other birds from it. I think you made a really good point when you said "I think he feels he as already tried everything." For a time, it might be easier for him to agree to do nothing.

[tlc96093]

Jess let Mike know we have been/are going through a similar experience as many others, when we added a re-homed Meyers Parrot, Mickey, to our flock. Mickey would drawn blood at every opportunity and I'm not talking a little nip but gushing ones! We have had him for 2 years and my husband is just now, this month, allowing him on his lap and scratching head but very fearful of picking Mickey up, it took me almost a year to feel comfortable but I am careful, keep myself calm whenever have to handle him and towel ALWAYS nearby in order to grab him.

*BUT what I wanted to ask you is = Does Mike wear dark colored clothing???? Both of my CAGs, very afraid of anyone wearing dark navy or black clothing, or to walk by cage with a black garbage bag, you would think something horrible is happening. My very large cousin came to visit last week and I had to make sure he stayed away from cages since he had worn a navy tee shirt. Just another idea to keep peace in the family! Good luck and hang in there Mike!