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earning trust again


deef

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Hi there sorry I havent been on ere for a while, Thing is Im starting to get a bit of trouble with my grey, He bit me the other day totally out of surprise, Not like him one bit I got such a fright I hit him wit the towel I had in my hand, He bit me on the forehead as I was bent over talkin nice to him, Latched on to me and in a reaction I hit him with my towel knockin him to the floor. He is fine I no I shouldn of hit him but it was just more of a fright or reaction I got. Now he wont let me pet his head ect.....

 

PLEASE GUYS WHAT CAN I DO,IVE HAD HIM/HER FOR 2 YEARS NOW AND NEVER HAD A FALLEN OUT ???

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I am so sorry but you are going to have to start from scratch to earn his trust again, let this be a lesson to you and everyone that retaliatory action will only accomplish getting your grey to mistrust you so never, ever hit a grey with anything. You remember what you did when you first got him to get him to trust and love you so start now to do just that and it may take a long time for they have good memories but he may eventually come around so good luck to you.

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I think Judygram has given you some great advice here about having to start again with him. Just the same as when a human hits another person, the other person will take a long time to put the incident behind them to trust again, just the same with your grey.

 

It does worry me that it was not a one off incident but it happened twice and the second time it was hard enough to make him fall. I'm sorry, but I do not agree with hitting our feathered friends under any circumstances. When somebody hits out it is a sign of loss of control on their part.

 

I think that not only are you going to have to work on your grey with rebuilding trust, but it's also important to train yourself to stay calm.

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Let this also be a lesson to everyone but in a different way--

It's something which I've said over and over to people but many don't believe it. Always keep in mind that the african grey grows up and displays traits and actions which may shock so many people, biting in particular when it's least expected and people take it personally and blame themselves. The cuddly stage of a grey is gradually disappearing as the bird gets older and starts to do things which were never done before--biting, being aloof, obstinent, not wanting all the cuddliness and touching that he/she was getting, wanting to be more independent etc etc

This is the natural well known personality of an African grey be it a Congo or Timneh. The adult african grey is not a *cuddle* bird when adolescence and adulthood arrives. It doesn't happen to every single grey but it does happen often enough with loads of greys that it seriously alarms people again and again.

Some other species are just the opposite and other species are neither but we're talking about the african grey.

Edited by Dave007
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Thanks for all the words of advice, I can asure you I love my bird and treat it very werll indeed, IM with him all day in work and then bring him home on car on my shoulder, I was just a fright that I got I can assure you I dont hit or bully anyone for that matter, and it was only the once, Once again anyways Ill let yas know how I do and thanks for all your help.

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deef, I am sure nobody was doubting how well you treat him or how much you love him, I for one. :) Just that as you have now found out that moment of panic or anger to hit out has taken you back a lot of steps.

 

IM with him all day in work and then bring him home on car on my shoulder

 

This worries me slightly about having a parrot on your shoulder when driving especially as he is now showing a tendency to bite unexpectedly, this could put you in a very dangerous situation. It may be worth not allowing him on your shoulder whilst in the car to prevent any accidents.

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I can not add anything to the truths given in these responses.

 

Your grey is growing up and you will see many changes in personality through these aging phases. You will need to grow in your understanding and interactions with him as well. We all have gone through these phases and I believe better individuals from it as well in temperament as we endeavor to understand how our birds view the world. It is truly quite different than how we view it. :)

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I think it's wise to always keep in mind that we're essentially sharing our lives with a wild animal. One of the characteristics of domesticated animals is that they tend to retain certain juvenile traits into adulthood. This is not going to be true of a wild animal, such as our greys. They will go through a maturation process during which their character will often change.

 

I think it is fascinating and exciting to share my home with these wild creatures. But I know, in order to do so, I have to be prepared to accept and adapt to their wildness at times.

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I too have had a few frightening bites that I was totally not expecting. I can't tell you how angry the bites have made me, and to add further injury, once a bite is inflicted I cannot get him to "step-up" without a getting bit more. So I have now just taken to walking away. I can't give a time out or anything, I just leave and let him make his way home. I can't tell you how hard it has been to keep myself in control, especially when this happens during a sweet "cuddle" time.

 

I try to bear in mind that I should have paid more attention to the body language of the bird, and that I should have been more attentive to the fact that he was finished with scratches before me. In any event, try to take your bird away from "his" habitat in order to work with him to regain trust. Have treats on hand, and just start with simple step ups, easy rewards and it may be the road to recovery.

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"""""So I have now just taken to walking away. I can't give a time out or anything, I just leave and let him make his way home. I can't tell you how hard it has been to keep myself in control, especially when this happens during a sweet "cuddle" time."""""

 

Well, that's actually giving a *time out*. You're doing the right thing. You may not be able to put him back in his cage right away but that's something that only comes with practice but for now, ignoring the bird, not having physical contact,not paying attention to him is a **time out** Yes, you're right about the body language but that too only comes with practice. No one gets a parrot and instantly is aware of the various types of body language that exists. That has to be read up on and eventually a person knows about body language.

Edited by Dave007
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I have to say although I have had Gabby for 16 years (CAG) and Lucy (YNA) for only 2 I can read Lucy's body language 100 times easier that Gabby, to be honest I'm not sure I can read Gabby at all she is always so calm and soft spoken she may take a treat from you and thank you for it and the second treat handed to her could end up in a crunch to the finger instead. I too just walk away and try to reall every thing in my mind that just happen hoping to see something different that I didn't notice the first time she was handed a treat. She is one smooth cookie I tell you that for sure, lol, got to love her!

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  • 3 weeks later...
Well, that's actually giving a *time out*. You're doing the right thing. You may not be able to put him back in his cage right away but that's something that only comes with practice but for now, ignoring the bird, not having physical contact,not paying attention to him is a **time out** .

 

You did the right thing as Dave said, by just stopping the interaction and moving on. Not that Gabby cares, because that's what she wanted. :P

 

Well first of all thank you all for the wonderful discussion here. I learned a lot.

 

However, it keeps me puzzled: Giving the parrot a "Time out" is a GOOD thing. However, this is exactly what they want: Being left alone. How do you build interaction with a parrot that way?

If every time they acts "badly" you just place them back in the cage, and being in the cage - left alone - IS what the parrot wants anyways, what good will it make anyways?

 

It's like raising a modern child, that has a PC, TV, WIFI, PlayStation and everything in their room, and as act of "punishment" or "time out" (They didn't do their homework, for example) you sent them to that room! Heck, I wouldn't care having such a punishment myself.

 

Wouldn't it encourage them to do exactly the same thing again and again? Bite. Misbehave and get their peace of mind?

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Look at a *time out* as a way to distract the bird from what he's doing. He wants contact but he's in the mood to nip. So, putting him back in the cage is breaking off temporary contact for a while. I don't think that what's going on has anything to do with a child who has a complete digital setup in his room. If you told that child that he needs to go to his room and also NOT play with any of his gadgets then he would get the idea that he's done something wrong that you want stopped.

Anyway, putting a bird back in the cage doesn't make the bird wanna do it some more when he gets out. The mind of a bird and a mind of a child are 2 totally different things and birds don't seek revenge or develop an attitude just because a person doesn't wanna interact with that bird when he's getting a little too rough.

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