At wits end and need advice

[debstein]

We have had Romo almost 3 years, he just turned 3 and we got him as a fledgling. He was always the sweetest bird until he matured and then he became hard to handle, aggressive, and just downright cranky. He is fully flighted, gets up on my bookcases and eats the wood and is completely undisciplined. And I'm sure it is my fault. He has a huge cage with lots of toys that are changed out often, gets the best food, plus fresh veggies and fruit every day, and some foraging toys as well. When I feed him, he attacks the food and throws it at me, when I let him out of his cage, he sometimes flies straight at my face to attack me, or if I walk through the room, he will fly at my head and try to attack my hair. When he is out of his cage, he has a huge play stand made of natural wood with a view of the back patio and lots of toys hanging on that too. Every once in awhile he acts like he wants to be nice, but it is so rare that I can't tell you the last time he did that.

I used to let him out of his cage every day for several hours, but lately I only do it a few times a week. I have to take him to the vet to have his nails clipped and his beak checked, and I think I want his wings clipped so he will be a little more dependent on me. It would be much easier for me to be around him if I wasn't as fearful as I am now. I'm not enjoying him any more and he obviously isn't enjoying his life either.....he does not pluck feathers or engage in any self-destructive habits. I want to do what is right for him and am completely open to any constructive suggestions you experienced and successful grey owners might have......I don't want to rehome Romo, I want to have a good relationship with him and not be afraid of him.

Thanks,

Deb & Romo

[Luvparrots]

Oh I am so sorry for the unhappiness you seem to be going through. Perhaps some of our more experienced members can help if you can provide more information. Does Romo have a favorite person in your home? What has changed in your home that might be disturbing Romo? Do you have a new hairstyle, have you moved his cage? Basically has anything changed. Please provide as much information as you can think of that might help us understand Romo's schedule and environment or anything that might be different. From Romo's avatar it is easy to see that he is a very handsome TAG.

[debstein]

Thanks so much for your response! I can't express how guilty I feel about his behavior....I raised 3 sons and never felt like this. Not a single thing has changed in his life. Our schedule is always the same, no new pets, no new food, no new hairstyles nothing. Romo is an excellent talker and in the mornings, he talks up a storm. I answer him back and repeat some things that he says. I say words and phrases that he hasn't said in awhile and remind him that he knows those words. He does seem to be fearful and lacks confidence. When I put a new toy in his cage, he is scared for days. I stuck a pepper from the garden in the cage next to his food bowl yesterday and he wouldn't go eat until I removed it. When I run the vacuum cleaner, he goes crazy in his cage, or if he is out, he flies around the house frantically. I used to be his favorite person, but my husband probably is now. I don't know why though, because Barry has practically nothing to do with him. Romo will sit on the fireplace next to Barry's recliner and try to steal food off his plate, sometimes eats popcorn with him, but Barry doesn't really want to interact with him much, just tolerates him for short periods of time. Romo doesn't usually bite Barry or attempt to attack him like he does to me. I feed him, clean the cage, talk to him, make his treats, let him out, buy him toys and fix his foraging packages. Tomorrow he is going to the vet for the first time in his life. His nails are long and I think his beak might be long too, although he eats wood like crazy. I know from reading posts here that you aren't in favor of wing clipping and I wasn't either.....until I had to defend myself against an attacking TAG. That Tippi Hedren action isn't much fun at all....and maybe it might be a temporary fix until Romo and I get on the same page again.

[Jayd]

Janet's reply is correct, please don't clip your baby, that could set him back forever.It sounds as if Romo is going through his Terrible Twos. Now question Janet asked? Has anything changes/ hand-lotion, make-up, trying new foods or toy's? You'd be surprised what can cause a change, How about your fear towards him? he knows, and is acting this out. You say you keep him caged more, is this contributing to the problem? Hormonal? Even though he's not mature, they do have instincts!!! Please don't clip his wings, with his mental condition right now, it could be devastating..Jayd

 

Danmcq thread: http://www.greyforums.net/forums/showthread.php?190309-A-note-on-Punishment-and-your-Parrot

[danmcq]

Our schedule is always the same, no new pets, no new food, no new hairstyles nothing. <snip> He does seem to be fearful and lacks confidence. When I put a new toy in his cage, he is scared for days. I stuck a pepper from the garden in the cage next to his food bowl yesterday and he wouldn't go eat until I removed it. When I run the vacuum cleaner, he goes crazy in his cage, or if he is out, he flies around the house frantically. I used to be his favorite person, but my husband probably is now. I don't know why though

 

A few things could have caused this change:

 

1 - He is starting to mature and perhaps is switching to a different "Favored" person. This does happen at times with some birds.

 

2 - Perhaps by putting toys in his cage, instead of slowly showing it from afar and moving it closer and closer to his cage over time like a week or two. You could have become an evil human that constantly places monster intruders in his cage, which is supposed to be his "Safe Place".

 

3 - By leaving him in his cage for days now, instead of ensuring he has plenty of time out each day, you have diffinately pissed him off.

 

4 - It could be some hormones flowing a little as well, on top of the above 3 mentioned items.

 

5 - As Jay pointed out, fear and your reaction to a fly-by makes for one heck of a fun game.

 

All I can say for certain at this point, is that Romo may be a year late in terrible two's or he has become very frustrated over somthing that has been building for a while.

[debstein]

Thanks to everyone! Romo has been out all day today, because it is my day off, and I will be off for the next 2 days as well. He has behaved well, enjoying the view from his huge playstand and spending time on top of the kitchen cabinets. I placed some tinfoil on the tops of the bookcases where he has been chewing, and I will be more careful when introducing new toys. After reading danmcq's thread about punishment (although I truly haven't attempted to punish Romo), I will put more acceptable landing areas all over the house. However, he has to accept me as his main caregiver, whether he favors me or not. Without me, he would starve. I just don't want to be attacked. I'll take care of him forever and will him to my grandson, but he can't attack me.

[Jayd]

However, he has to accept me as his main caregiver, whether he favors me or not. Without me, he would starve. I just don't want to be attacked. I'll take care of him forever and will him to my grandson, but he can't attack me.

Yes, Dan knows what he's talking about and his advice is always good. Your quote, This is something that you don't have much control over. What you describe is normal Grey behavior. You might have to accept the fact that your not the "Chosen one"! Here's a couple of sites that might help you understand the psychology and mental attitudes of these independent beings. http://www.alexfoundation.org/ http://www.africangreys.com/

Jayd

Edited July 12, 2010 by Jayd

[Dave007]

For a TAG, the age of 3 is one that's near the age of adulthood. Many birds that nearing that age become very hyper. Very beligerant, very aggressive. New toys immediately put in to a grey's cage isn't a good idea because they're either----

fearful of it

look upon it as an invader

feels like it's an unwanted item which shouldn't belong in that cage that he's designed. Most TAGs easily take to new things but some don't so the method that's used for CAGs has to be used for your TAG which is to have the item around where the bird can see it but not feel threatened by it. It may turn out that you will never be able to put it in the cage but it being around the bird won't cause problems. He even may investigate it in the future.

Yes, the general consenus here is not to clip wings but for some people who have a flighted bird who can gain vertical flight, land on things where the bird can't be retrieved, is extremely destructive, a very conservative wing clipping may be in order. He's very coordinated and has good blance and stregth. That type of cut allows the bird to go forward horozontally but not vertically and allows the bird to easily glide down. You would have more control and your bird will depend upon you for certain basic things. The trick is to find a good place to get it down but if you have a description of what you'd like the bird to be able to do or not do. That type of cut keeps your bird off of high places where valuables are kept, where expensive wood is etc.

I'm one of the people here that dislikes wing clipping with a passion but I won't say that how I feel is an absolute. There are some that need to be slightly clipped. If your bird is doing this constantly, something needs to be done and it's not your fault.

I would be saying the same thing to a person coming here who's saying that their bird is constantly flying up to the ceiling in order to get to the ceiling fan which may or may not be on. There's nothing a person can do in that situation. there's no cure or set of directions to make the bird stop except to take the bird and move it to another area where there's no fan BUT in that new area, there may be a nice set of curtains which may attract that bird. There's never any set answer to a problem and hearing loads of people saying *don't clip* may not solve your problem.

[Jayd]

Here's some interesting reading, Timnehs become sexually mature at around 4 to 5 years old. There's a number of articles on the net and they generally agreed that a Timneh doesn't change human bond as often as a CAG. As Dave007 said in regards to clipping;*may not solve your problem*, I personally don't think it will help! No disrespect to Dave.

Jayd

 

Edited July 12, 2010 by Jayd

[debstein]

Thanks so much! I thought that Romo was already mature, I guess I thought that he was mature at 2 yrs old. He's done so well out of the cage today, although I have NO idea how I will get him into a travel cage to go to the vet tomorrow. He even flew to my finger and stayed there for awhile without biting or attacking me.

[Guest jamalbirdbiz]

all i can say is that there is more ware that came from. minez act up a lot. but i wills never clip them. i give them pine nuts when they attack me becuz sum peoples on this forum said to. i feel ur pain. itz just sumthing all bird people have to learns to except.

[Spinner]

One observation as I read your original post is the notion that Romo is "attacking" you. And I'm sure it feels this way. Rarely are greys malicious towards their owners. Rather they often react to our feelings and approach to them.

 

Try to change that thinking towards Romo, and work with him so he knows his limits. Continue to be patient with Romo and be sure to reward the good behaviour.

 

Try working diligently on your approach before resorting to physical changes like wing clipping.

[debstein]

Romo went to the vet yesterday and had his nails trimmed and beak trimmed a tiny bit. I did NOT have his wings clipped, although my husband and mother think I am nuts. The vet was really good and handled him well. The worst part was moving him from his large cage to the small carrier - I tried to do it with the least amount of trauma, using a soft towel to contain him, although he gave me a really hard bite on the finger as I put him in the carrier. Can't blame him though, I wouldn't have been happy either. I have to drive 70 miles to the closest avian vet, so he was in the carrier for several hours, but he did well. Since then, I've just been trying to spend more time with him and read more on the forums so I can do right by him.

 

Deb & Romo

[Luvparrots]

Glad to hear that the trip to the vet went fairly well. I know if you relax, you and Romo will find a neutral ground that you can both enjoy. I look forward to hearing how things go.

[judygram]

I'm glad to hear you didn't have his wings clipped and as far as your husband and mother thinking you are nuts well we already know that and only we understand how you feel, I bet they think Romo is just a bird huh when in fact he is so much more. They do have a mind of their own especially when they get closer to maturity age and you will just have to learn how to deal with it as we all are finding out at least those of us who are first time grey owners. You are right about one thing, you will learn a lot from reading thru all the threads here, I think most questions have been answered in one form or another in this forum, you just have to do a little searching to find it all. I think you are going to do fine with Romo.

[Jayd]

You've done great, I'm sure your family will understand as time goes on. Don't ever be afraid to ask any question whether its been asked before or not...You have a lot of wonderful people here on the forum...Jayd Maggie, Spock and the flock

Edited July 22, 2010 by Jayd

[danmcq]

Way to go Debbie!!

 

You did well and I love you determination to get Romo back in the "Normal" program.

 

Looking forward to hearing how things progress and what you find works for Romo.