Parrot people-----let the truth be known

[Dave007]

WHAT IS the matter with you parrot people?

 

Because, let's face it, parrot people are weird. Now don't deny it

or send me indignant notes about how normal you are - you're not

fooling anyone. Think about it: When a normal person brings a pet

such as a dog or a cat or a goldfish into their homes, they continue

to lead normal lives. They socialize with other normal people, they

continue to listen to the same types of music, read the same types

of books, and eat the same types of foods as before. You, my parrot-

afflicted friend, do not.

So how odd are you? Let's make a list!

 

You are a scholar of psittacinism. You can spell psittacinism.

You scour the Internet and bookstores for research material on parrots.

You join discussion groups and share in agonizing detail each tiny movement of your parrot with other parrot owners, who then share a more-than-unusual interest in everyone else's parrot's poop. In fact, poop now

occupies so much of your thought and free time that you have lost

interest in politics, career, and IRA earnings.

 

You have begun avoiding normal people, because your parrot seems

to have taken a dislike to normal people. This includes your spouse.

When he (or she) walks into the same room as you and your bird,

there is obvious resentment at the intrusion. However, you are

trying to stop reacting this way.

 

You eat parrot food. That is, you have taken to eating the

special healthy people food you fix for your parrot. It's so much

easier than separately preparing the usual junk for yourself. This

is, in general, a good thing. (Just remember to avoid the birdie

bread you made with Harrison's.)

 

You have rearranged your furniture to accommodate your bird and

future birds. If you are severely afflicted, you have bought a new

house especially designed for parrotly needs, including vaulted

ceilings, screened-in porches and rooms with drains in the floor.

 

You buy only healthy and interesting pet toys that cost the

equivalent of two months' salary and can be destroyed by a beak in

five minutes. You ask store clerks questions such as, "Is the dye on

this wooden block human grade?" and "What types of chemicals were

used to treat this suede strip?" and "Where can I find your organic,

preservative-free unshelled imported almonds?"

 

You make your own bird toys. Sometimes you do this even when you

can find bird toys you like. "My toys are cheaper to make, or more

interesting," you tell yourself. And then you set up an Internet

store or auction site to sell your toys. You use your other talents

For the Good of Parrots. You make quilted cage covers, human

clothing protectors, jewelry designed to be worn by humans and

chewed on by parrots, paintings of parrots, key chains engraved with

the parrot's name.

 

Parrots are the dominant species on earth and they are simply using

us to perpetuate their race and eventually take over. If you doubt

that, just remember that it's the dominant creature who gets other

creatures to take care of it. Think about all you do for your bird,

the hours spent cleaning his cage, cleaning the floor, cleaning the

food and water dishes, cleaning the bird toys, cooking food,

cleaning the walls of said food, bandaging your skin from the latest

nip. Then think about how you sit down exhausted and feel grateful

and honored to look upon his pampered plumage and big dark eyes.

This is not normal. You'll never see a dog person made misty eyed by the

beauty of their pet slowly lifting its leg.

I say it's high time we parrot people reclaim our lives and save the

human race from certain demise. Be strong - it won't be easy or done

quickly, but by acting together we can thrive as a species again.

I'll be right there with you, just as soon as all the parrot people finish sewing their bird cosey and taking the pellet casserole out of the oven.

There are therapists available to help with your situation.

[Jayd]

Double thanks.........

[danmcq]

Loved it Dave. This is a sticky!!!

[Jayd]

Loved it Dave. This is a sticky!!!

Yes! PLEASE.....

[Joolesgreyuk]

Absolutely brilliant!!! Love it and all true!

[Elvenking]

Ohh my gosh... I am certifiably bird crazy. LOL. I was just thinking the other day about how I could make the toys for a much cheaper cost and start a small business.

[judygram]

Now that is funny but so true, thanks Dave for that!

[Luvparrots]

Ahhh, Dr. Flock!!!! Once again a winner post!

[JungleDreamz]

Brilliant!!!

[casper]

Yep! That describes me alright! Good one Dave

[Acappella]

hee hee hee

[pearllyn]

Lol - I'm only part crazy - I got 10 yes's and 3 no's!! Funny post Dave. Thanks.

[Xtreme575]

I may not make the toys (not talented in that sort of thing), I do find myself doing an awful lot of cooking, more than I've ever done for myself. And I actually considered eating the steamed veggie mix myself, rather than making a whole other salad.

[crossfit]

In fact, poop now

occupies so much of your thought and free time that you have lost

interest in politics, career, and IRA earnings.

 

I have to argue with this point. The IRA is still important. Its just that the parrot is now the beneficiary!

[katana600]

Guilty as charged! Worse than eating the parrot's diet... making soup with the day-old veggies that aren't good enough for the parrot. LOL This is a good one Dave, thanks! I made an appointment with my therapist... his name is Kopi.

[Lambert58]

My wife actually had a bowl full of the last batch of mash we made. She's all: "ooooh! that's good!"

 

lol

[scoutndizzy]

This is AWESOME! I laughed so loudly that I woke my husband up--oops. And so many things are true! I *do* spend time analyzing my bird's poop. You won't find me at the catbox saying, "Hmmm Squeak's (one of our cats') poop is more runny/dry/green/red/tye dyed than usual" but when I see my girl shaking her booty like she's doing the chicken dance, I am watching that drama. And on nights when I should be out partying and living it up like any 25 year old does, I am at home, diligently fighting with a kitten over my newest foot toy for my bird.

 

Life is good.

Edited August 18, 2010 by scoutndizzy

[Mistyparrot]

Hmmm. I think I detect a hint of rebellion in Daves post. If he is not careful the Grand Grey will have him sent to the reprogramming centre for reorientation. You better hide Dave. Your card has been chewed !

 

 

Steve n Misty

[Codys Mom]

yep yep sounds like th truth to me

[Elvenking]

THis is still one of my favorite posts I am owned by an African Grey...thank you

[kittykittykitty]

ALL too too true. I'm just back from an hour with my therapist!