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Corrupt-a-Dream


Tricky

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Your head turns a full 180 degrees and therefore your back becomes your front. You can reach that itchy spot no problem now. Unfortunately, this means that your underwear is no longer suitable and you need to buy T-shirts with humps in the back, which need to be specially made and cost a fortune.

 

I wish I could lose about two stones.

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Miracles of miracles you get your wish overnight. You wake up one morning and you are two stones lighter!!!! But you are so sad because the stones you lost are the diamond in your wedding/engagement ring and the birthstone in your birth month ring.

 

 

I wish someone else would come clean my house today!

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Someone else cleans your house, the same person that took JillyBeanz' stones. They spend a lot of time cleaning (out) your jewelry box, your purse and your safe. When the cops come over to dust for prints, they make the place look worse than it did before it was cleaned.

 

I wish Arbonne hadn't discontinued my favorite body cream, Mandarin Cashmere

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There's a warehouse full of the stuff, hidden, only for your use and it's only because you've just asked that I'm able to tell you where it is. It's free - you don't have to pay for it - the warehouse is marked "strictly for Jen". The only problem being is that the warehouse is in China. They won't ship, you'd have to get there yourself, and you are only allowed to take a tub at a time.

 

I wish I had a money printing machine.

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You are bored one day so you decide to clean the attic. As you search through the boxes you come across a pressing machine with strange engraver plates. To your amazement you see that they are plates for the $100 bill. As you search further you find sheets of 25% linen and 75% cotton paper made by Zerox. Search on the internet tells you that that is the exact blend of paper that money is printed on so you immediately start printing your fortune. Unfortunately, the first day you go shopping, as you are unloading your boxes of new clothes and appliances from your new Cadillac the feds show up. Fifty years in maximum security for counterfeiting!!! Your mistake, Crane is the only manufacturer of paper the Treasury Dept. uses and you are busted for using Zerox!!!!!

 

 

I wish my grey could fly free outside and return on command every time!

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"Look at that beautiful bird daddy, flying high in the sky" little Jonny says to his dad. Little Jonny is referring to the beautiful African Grey Parrot who lives up the road with her owner. Now, this Grey is a clever little birdie who can go out of the house on her own to soar high and swoop low when, and for how long she wants.

 

This doesn't pose a problem - one little call and she returns to her home. This has gone on since she was a little fledgling - no problems at all.

 

One day though, whilst your she's whooping it up in the open air, a man from the parrot circus claims she belongs to him as part of Peter the Parrot Piper's Bird Band. You have no ID for your fid, you've lost it and therefore no legal right to her - and anyway - she chooses to run off with the circus!

 

 

I wish that all of the items in my house were indestructable to the parrot beak!

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You wait up on a sunny Sunday morning and to your amazement all your furniture and furnishing are now bird beak proof! You are ecstatic until you go to sit down on the couch with a piping hot cup of coffee and find out the couch is hard and uncomfortable because it is made of stainless steel. Everything in your house is made of stainless steel! It is all cold, hard and unyielding!

 

I wish I had a job were I get to visit every country in the world, 1st class all the way!

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You nget that job, you are hired as Britney Spear's body double and you go everywhere that she does. Unfortunately, you don't enjoy it because you have to maintain that body and you dont get to eat and all of your spare time is spent working out. Your fids miss you so much that they pluck themselves naked and you get "checked out" by animal services.....They see how miserable your fids are and you are charged with 180 days in jail and a fine/ You have to pay the fine with the money you made as a body double and you lose your burds, but since the story is leaked to the media you cant get any more birds because everyone thinks you are a douchebag...Britney Spears included.

 

I wish I didnt have to fold and put away laundry.

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You wake up Saturday morning all fresh and rested, ready to start the Saturday weekly clothes washing. Oh heavens no!!!! Your washing machine is broken, Drat!!!! But wait all of a sudden you are elated because now you don't have to fold and put away the laundry and an added bonus, you don't have to wash it either!!!!!

 

 

I wish all my meals were excellently prepared and catered in from a 1st class restaurant?

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They are catered....thing is you get the bill at the end of the month and you cant afford to pay it because you just had to go out and buy a new wardrobe to accomodate your new chubbies from eating tasty catered food all of the time. Then your credit goes to hell in an hand basket and you lose everything and end up in a box unter the freeway.

 

I wish my sister hadn't turned into such a ... bad word .... when she went in to law school.<br><br>Post edited by: SchroedersJen, at: 2009/09/25 07:34

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You continue to bad mouth your bi...y law student sister and barely acknowledge her passing the bar exam and becoming an A1 attorney. You get absolutely rip roaring drunk every night because you can't seem to pass a bar (aka tavern) :laugh: You get picked up for not paying your bar (aka tavern) bill and thrown into jail. With your one phone call who do you call???? You guessed it and she just says "you've got the wrong number" and hangs up ...

 

 

I wish I could meet members of the Grey Forum in person.

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  • 8 months later...

[quote=luvparrots;161029

 

I wish I could meet members of the Grey Forum in person.

 

you get to see them all in person, but then you realize they're all CRAZY BIRD PEOPLE and you run away in fear.

 

 

i wish i could be paid a brain surgeon's salary to attend university.

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