Need Reassurance

[Elvenking]

Okay...so I have a bit of a complex. I cannot leave my bird at home and not go mental while I am away. Last night I had plans to go to a friends house for a while. I did end up keeping them, but with heavy self-induced guilt about the time I spend with Issac. People think I am not right in the head, I think I am not right in the head.

 

I read about members who are stay-at-home members of the family and I am so jealous. I live alone so when I am not home, it's just Issac and my other conure Pedro. I find myself worrying if he wonders where I am or if and when I will come back. Well, I am sure he knows I will come back. But...well...you get the idea.

 

Someone help ease my mind. If you live by yourself with your bird, I want to hear from you too.

 

I am slightly relieved to find he is still his happy self when I come home and apparantly no worse for the wear. But I am gonna be thrown in the loony bin if i don;t work this out in my head. <br><br>Post edited by: Elvenking, at: 2010/03/04 20:24

[Elvenking]

By the way...a typical schedule with Issac is for me to spend about 1.5 hours in the morning getting ready with him, another min of 1.5 after work (sometimes I have to go be with my daughter after that) and up to the rest of the night which is typically 4-6 more hours in those occasions. If I do go visit my daughter...and usually back by 7:30-8:00PM and let him hang out for another 2-3 hours till bed time.

[JillyBeanz]

Stephen - STOP WORRYING!!! You spend loads of time with Isaac and he is lucky you do so! You haven't had him long and you haven't been a member of our family long - but from your posts about Isaac it is clear to see what a great parront you are!

 

We all worry about how long we spend away from our fids - I've been to a DIY store on the way home from work and felt guilty it was an extra 1.5 hours after I normally come in - but not as guilty as I did in the early days

 

I don't live alone - but everyone is out at the same time and in roughly the same time - so Harvey is on his own from 07.00 until 16.30 - and he is a happy, well socialised bird - he plays around his cage all day and chews things - evidenced by the shards of wood I find each day!

 

Keep going as you are doing - you're doing a great job

[Talon]

Oh you poor thing! I know how you feel, I felt that way when we first got Talon. I don't live alone, but I do have to leave them in their cages while we are all gone for the day. I usually put the tv on( nick jr.) or the bird sitter dvd for them. I also give them extra treats/ veggies, fruit, etc. plus when they are sleeping, I pack up their toy buckets with wrapped surprises so they have something to do. Sometimes I put a bowl of water with a small rubber duck in it on the bottom of their cage to play in if they desire.

I say be back soon as I am putting them in their cages and they always get a noodle treat when they go in as I am saying it. One of my greys will repeat it back to me. Their days are varied, sometimes they are in their cages all day, others they are out all day. I have found that they actually like their alone, quiet time very much. When they are out, they can get cranky and start to get into trouble.

So, I wouldn't worry, your bird will thrive as you are giving him exactly what he needs. Just relax and know that he needs his alone time to nap also. B)<br><br>Post edited by: Talon, at: 2010/03/04 20:53

[Luvparrots]

I live alone and have my fids out with me except from 7:00pm until morning. My ekkie insists on light out at 7:00 pm no exceptions. The only time I am not with my fids is if I go somewhere. Ana Grey has no problem entertaining herself when I am busy or not around. Like everyone, she needs some time to herself too. Sometimes I think we need our feathered friends more than they need us!!!! :laugh: :laugh:

[Elvenking]

Thank you for your message. His little coos echo in my head long after I am gone. I appreciate knowing your schedule. I am not used to caring for anything this much. Even my daughter didn;t worry me this much when she was younger because she had so many people loving her. Issac has me, and I feel solely responsible.

 

I do take a lot away from your post though. I do see that Issac plays with his toys and goes through veggies and seed throughout the day. Thank you for the boost.

[Elvenking]

Wow...the responses are really rolling in, thank you all for sharing them. The days I do have him out for extended periods of time when I am home on the weekends, he does eventually cruise back to his cage for a good preening or a nap. I really just needed to hear some of the things I heard here today. It's helping.

 

Look at that face...I adore him. <br><br>Post edited by: Elvenking, at: 2010/03/04 21:01

[danmcq]

Your feelings seem to be predominant amongst Grey owners.

 

We feel the same when we cannot take Dayo with us. he is at home by himself all day everyday M - F. So, when we go somewhere,we feel guilty and anxious to get back.

 

We never felt this way about leaving our Conure Jake at home or our Dogs.

 

It is ONLY with Dayo. I cannot explain it, but it's like your joined at the hip or mentally connected similar to identical twins that feel each other, even though separated.

 

Short version - I KNOW exactly how you feel. :-)<br><br>Post edited by: danmcq, at: 2010/03/04 21:10

[Talon]

Dan, you are soooo right! I feel guilty when I work all day and then go out for dinner at night....you can feel your heart strings being pulled. I know I am anxious to get home and spend time with them when that happens. :unsure:

[Elvenking]

danmcq wrote:

I cannot explain it, but it's like your joined at the hip or mentally connected similar to identical twins that feel each other, even though separated.<br><br>Post edited by: danmcq, at: 2010/03/04 21:10

 

OMG...perfectly said. It is a foriegn feeling to me. To be so attached to a bird. When I am with him, I just feel that connection happening.

 

Anxiety to be back home with him, yes...absolutely. Okay...I am feeling less crazy now. He is probably home right now just going through his toys, food, or sleeping. Well, and listening to Jazz. I like rock and metal, but I don;t think that is conducive to a serene afternoon for Issac.

[Xtreme575]

Stephen, I'm only about five months into parronthood ahead of you, and I can totally relate to what you are saying.

 

When I first got Paco, I settled on my work schedule, thinking that someone has to pay for the food around here. But weekends was a different story, I felt that I had to spend each moment with him. Cuddling, playing, entertaining, and it was to the detriment of my friends and family. It was either they see me here with the parrot, or not at all.

 

Finally, my best friend told me that he knew the bird was going to destroy our friendship, and he found me to be irrational. After some careful consideration, as well as reading and watching Andrew's posts after Tsui flew away, I realized that I was being irrational. Andrew described his relationship with Tsui as being one sided and remniscent of a over-obsessive, one-sided, bad relationship (very loosely quoted), which caused Andrew to stop actually living his life while he had Tsui.

 

Taking this all into consideration, I went to my first weekend party, without Paco. I set him up well, spent lots of time with him, put my lights on timers, as well as the tv. I went to the party, had a great time (I did think about my baby at home), and then got home in the early morning hours, sneaking in like I would if I was a teenager!

 

The next morning, I was awakened by a happy jungle holler and faced a panting, excited bird. Our relationship was not ruined, he wasn't any worse for wear, and I felt a sense of satisfaction having taken the opportuninty to go out and really enjoy myself.

 

Since then, I feel like I'm living again, and Paco is doing well. Sure, I still make some sacrifices, but I don't feel like I'm missing out on the real world either...

[Elvenking]

Lol@ destroy your friendship. Well, I haven't let it get to the point of missing friend opportunities, but I have made an effort to spend a bit of time with him. Last night was the hardest when I knew I would have probably the shortest day with him....but I mean look at him...hes getting close to weaning, he is chewing on his seed mix now happily next to me....so I really shouldn't worry.

 

There is this little sad 'coo' he does when he claws at the bottom of the cage when I cage and leave him at home, and it echos in my head. Kind of a reverse 'whoop'. Ohhh gawd.

 

I am starting to feel better today though, hearing all of these stories. I am obviosly over reacting, but it can be hard not to get caught up. I adore this grey like nothing I ever imagined.

[Brittany]

Awww!! It's cute how much you obviously love Issac:)

 

I know how you feel. I work Mon & Wed, 8am til anywhere from 4:30 or 5:30 pm then Tues & Thursday 12 til 4:30 or 5:30 ish.

 

I hate leaving Pepper! LOL Whenever I get home I run right into her room and get her to step up, etc.

 

I really don't like being gone for too long because I feel guilty...but like you, I come home and she is doing fine and seems happy.

 

I bet they do enjoy a bit of "me" time. But it seems like you do spend a good amount of time with Issac, you're fine

[Elvenking]

Yeah...I am getting over it more quickly now. I do love to get him out when I get home too..let him crawl up my arm to my shoulder so I can feel him by my neck. Hello boy I'm home. Birds Rock!

[Brittany]

I agree there..

 

I like Pepper a lot more than our dog lol. I personally wouldn't mind just having Pepper as a pet!

[katana600]

It makes me happy to hear your surprise and delight at how much you have given your heart and home over to Isaac. The best thing here on the forum is the number of people who have experienced what you are sharing with him. You will sort out the time-share and he will entertain himself when he needs to but that reunion when you walk into the house will always be the best part of your day.

[Janfromboone]

You are lucky that Isaac has Pedro to keep him company. Tobie has only himself and I am gone on work days 8:00 am to 5:30 or 6:00pm. On the days I don't work I am gone at least half the day taking care of my mother or my husband's mother or Frank and I are doing something together. I worry too, and would change my hours away if I could. He has learned how to entertain himself though. Maybe thats a good thing. If I was there for him every day all day and then had to be gone for a couple of days it would be hard on him. As it is he doesn't expect me to be there all the time.

[domyoburk]

Interesting thread!

 

As most of you, we try to leave Ursula alone as little as possible, but still be reasonable. We both work, but sometimes I can bring her with me! She's quite popular there.

 

She knows the difference between us stepping out for a smoke or to bring out the garbage - we say, "Be right back." When we're really leaving we say, "Bye bye!" She doesn't say "Bye bye" - when it's clear we're leaving she lets out a loud call like a flicker. And then she often seems to be consoling herself by repeating, "Be right back!"

 

That makes it extra hard to leave!

[Elvenking]

I am now convinced it is way harder for us to leave our birds...than it is for them to be without us for a bit.

[caseyandmikey]

Some things that may help you are some foraging toys or babble balls. The babble balls come in animal sounds and human sounds that talk when they are played with. I know it doesn't help much. Whatever I give Mikey when I am leaving he drops it which makes me feel horrible but leaving him with these kinds of toys gives me hope that he is occupying himself. Half the time I run to see him when i'm home he's sleeping and I wake him up accidently and he's all "what are you so happy about? I'm trying to sleep" they do enjoy having some alone time it is important for them to learn how to be independent. Your doing great. Issac gets a lot of time with you and he's very loved.

[Elvenking]

Lol...I got the babble ball I am thinking about ways I can make him forage...he loves foods that make him work.

 

And yes...this bird is loved as much as a bird can be loved...I ahve no doubt about that.

[KHAN]

Thank you for the reassurance that it isn't just me who's obsessed with they're bird!

 

I hate leaving Kaan for too long, when I leave he calls loads of stuff out and does a really pitiful dance which makes me feel really guilty about going out and leaving him.

 

Kaan's now 3 years old, and I dont think i've been out drinking since I first got him, I would really prefer to come home and spend some time with him! Luckily he seems to enjoy being with me as much as I do him, he follows me everywhere I go in the house. I cant goto the toilet without him flying on my shoulder everytime i open the room door!

 

Honest I dont think I could love my own kids more! (if i had any) and if I could I dont think I would want too... Even in my dreams i'm always worried about him, and that's quite sad!!