kittykittykitty Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Love to you, TaMarah. Hold our love close when things seem their darkest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 I went to a pet store where a lady hand raises birds and seems very loving towards them. I went around to all the greys but became frustrated because none of them were behaving to me as Joey did. I came away very sad but I realized of course they weren't Joey and they didn't know me. I have periods of feeling almost normal but mostly I keep thinking of every moment we spent together and how much fun I had with him. My friends are starting to tell me to move on and maybe get another bird...(I would never do that unless I rehome the dog here that I rescued from the neighborhood) ...that has me torn as well...however, I know it is what I have to do for the safety and environment for the other rescued animals I have here. Rescuing animals is not always fun...this has been one of the most painful things I've experienced. When one doesn't make it, it hurts, especially when they were in your care!!!!! Especially one as special as Joey who was starting to talk more and have more fun....than he ever had ... I will move on in time I am sure...I just want to make the best decision for the animals that I have now and in my future. Thank you all for the words of advice and experience...they mean alot. peace TaMarah:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 PS has anyone read the books about the famous Grey named Alex who learned math and everything? I read half of one the other night at Barnes and Noble and it was a fascinating look at just how intelligent these beautiful babies are. I already knew that of course.,...again...it was sad...I had so many plans for Joey's future...and mine together. I guess my higher power's plan interfered with mine. That's always bothersome. Peace again TaMarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittykittykitty Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Tamarah, it hasn't been very long and each person grieves at his own pace. Others don't know what it is for you. You will know when it is time for you to have another bird. Bless you for rescuing so many animals. And peace to you. Howardine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 thank you i miss him so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakeopus Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Reading this thread wrenched my heart so much! My deepest condolences.... The books about Alex - I read the one "Alex and Me." Just reading the first 10 pages just about brought me to tears - and then the end did bring me to tears...Such an engaging narrative about Pepperberg's 30 years of research with Alex - but more so of the 30 year relationship with him. She went into great detail about how Alex passing devastated her - I can't imagine what you've been going through. Hang in there!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecodweeb Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 My my dear, I am so very sorry. I read Alex and Me, and I am a big fan of Dr. Pepperberg's work. Alex was, as all greys are, a very special little guy. He validated what we crazy bird people knew all along, and he has shown the world a side of parrots that none will soon forget. I remember it took me three days to read the book because I kept crying, and hugging my babies in the process. I cannot imagine the pain you feel. I know in time it will be easier, but time marches slowly. I pray you find the peace you seek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 it helps to read these posts...and it helped to find Alex and Me because I believe Joey was truly growing so much after being neglected so long. The hardest is part that I had ASSUMED he'd be with me and I would have to will him to someone I trusted deeply and though he was with me only a short time, I continually thought about that and watched for other's reactions to him. He met hundreds of people in the short time he was with me and began to speak very impromptu. He was completely amazing and I can't believe what an affect he had on me in terms of feelings. I had felt I was shut off and had gotten very cold after abuse in my childhood and going through a divorce after a bad marriage....I didn't think I could attach ever. I planned on not attaching to Joey specifically so I wouldn't have to deal with any more pain. After the first night in my house, that plan was out the door! I have to rehome the rescued dog that I have. She is as well beautiful but is not safe to be around small animals or I suspect children. I tried to help 2 animals and unfortuneately one died as a result of that. I won't make the same mistake ever again I know that and unfortuneately I feel that because of what has happened I have lost my bond with my dog who I took in off the street. I know it is best for her and I that I find her the best possible home that I can...and I will make sure she is safe and loved. It's the right thing to do. So I lose two of my babies...but it wouldn't be right if I tried to hang on to something that is not meant to be. I know it will get better and I will someday like to look at all of his pictures. Right now they only frustrate me because they aren't feathers, they don't talk to me, or play little games with me. I can't see Joey do his little disco dance in the pictures...it's just not the same as having him on my shoulder. Writing sure helps....thank you lovely people for reading me. xxoo TaMarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 TaMarah, Your heart and intentions are well placed. We all are touched by your unspeakable loss. Our pain is meant to be a teacher, not a punisher. Forgive yourself and make the best choices you can while you adjust to what has already taken place. I love the quote of Maya Angelou, "You did what we knew how to do and when you knew better... you did better!" Joey came into your life to enrich it and when your pain is quieted with your forgiveness, you will once again feel the joy of his life touching yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joolesgreyuk Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 ShonaRay, Apologies if I am wrong but I am trying to read between your lines, did your dog kill your grey? I'm sorry but this is how it reads to me. I really hope that you get yourself another bird, it won't replace Joey but it sure will help you in your grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I believe your right Jooles. After reading this thread through, the poem says the grey died in a "Fight for his life". One note, it can happen in a split second. I almost lost Dayo to my Dobermans a year ago. I had just walked out my garage door and in 20 seconds heard all hell breaking loose in the house. I ran in to find Dayo had evidently flown to the living room looking for me and one of the dogs got his tail feathers, he did escape, was standing there staring at them from the floor growling and had hit his head which swelled. It was 3 days before he got out of what I would consider a state of shock. He did not react, just stared and his eyes would not focus in or out. I was very fortunate that it was not life ending for Dayo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Thats the gist I am getting from her post also, no wonder she is so broken up about the loss of Joey, she probably sees that in her mind all the time and it is tearing her up inside, how awful for her, I wish I could do something to help her get over this but time will heal her wounds. I just can't imagine what she is going thru but I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers that she heal from this tragic event. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pearllyn Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 How terribly sad if that is what happened. I'm choking up just reading about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debandbella Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 It doesnt bear thinking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 The support of all you good people for our forum friend makes me feel so humble and appreciative of what we all have here in support and understanding. Find your footing TaMarah and react from a position of strength and forward looking peace. May your grief resolve to open your heart to joy once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 YOUR NOTES ARE AMAZING. THEY SAY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. I WILL NOT GO INTO DETAILS BECAUSE I KNOW ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE ARE ANIMAL/BIRD LOVERS AND IF I TOLD YOU WHAT I CAME HOME TO THAT DAY IT WOULD DO NOTHING POSITIVE I CAN ASSURE YOU. YES I AM HAVING TROUBLE GETTING OVER THE IMAGE OF WHAT I WALKED INTO. IT WILL SUFFICE TO SAY THAT MY JOEY'S SPIRIT HAD BEEN GONE AND WHAT REMAINED WASN'T HIM...THAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT HELPS ME KEEP GOING. IT WAS MY DOG THAT I RESCUED FROM AN ABUSIVE NEIGHBOR THAT DID IT. I STARTED A NEW JOB AND THE DOGS HAD BEEN USED TO ME BEING HOME AND DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS GONE. THEY LITERALLY TORE THROUGH 2 GATES AND A DOOR THAT WAS CLOSED TO GET TO JOEY??// I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT JOEY WAS CALLING TO THEM, BECAUSE HE OFTEN DID THAT WHEN I WAS HOME. HE LOVED THEM AND THEY HIM. WHEN I WAS HOME, THEY WOULD TALK TO EACH OTHER AND CUDDLE...????? I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN, HOWEVER, I KEPT THEM SEPARATE WHEN I LEFT TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE. ALL I CAN GATHER IS THAT SOMEHOW THE DOOR MUST HAVE BEEN WEAK....I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY DID IT...THEY HAVE NEVER TORN GATES DOWN BEFORE....???? I EVEN WONDERED IF SOMETHING HAPPENED IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD???? I TRIED TO GET MY MIND AROUND EVERYTHING. I EVEN WONDERED IF MY EX ROOMMATE WHO HATED JOEY BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T WARM UP TO HER...CAME BACK AND SOMEHOW PROVOKED SOMETHING. I THINK THERE IS JUST NO EXPLANATION. JOEY CHANGED MY LIFE. HE MADE ME LISTEN. HE REALLY DIDN'T LIKE MY ROOMMATE...SO SHE HAD TO GO...IT WAS A VERY WISE DECISION!!!!! HE TAUGHT ME ALOT ABOUT TRUST...I WENT OUT TONIGHT AND RAN INTO A WOMAN ACQUAINTANCE. SHE SAID THAT I NEEDED TO JUST TURN MY BACK AND MOVE ON...I KNOW I NEED TO MOVE ON BUT I WILL NEVER TURN MY BACK. ..SIGH...I WOULD NEVER BRING ANOTHER BIRD INTO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW ....IN TIME WHEN THINGS CHANGE I DEFINITELY WILL. I KNOW THIS SPECIES IS INCREDIBLY UNIQUE AND I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THAT HAPPINESS AGAIN. AT LEAST I KNOW I CAN ATTACH TO SOMEONE.. THAT'S SOMETHING. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 You poor dear, no further details of what happened to Joey are needed, I think we get the gruesome picture of what must have happened to Joey. I feel for Joey for what he had to endure before his life was snuffed out and for what you had to see when you returned home, no one should have to see something like that and you will never get that image out of your mind. But one thing is for sure, you have our support and our love any time you need it for it will help you get over this horrific time in your life. I do hope you can open your heart to another grey sometime in the future, you know now what amazing creatures they are and even though another won't replace Joey it would be a great way to honor him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
she Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Shona please dont beat yourself up.These tragedies can happen and sometimes we have no way of preventing them.As for another grey thats your decision when and if the time vomes,as Judy said it is a great way to honour a lost friend.Joey will always remain dear to you no matter what.Another grey may also help you get those horrific images out of your mind.For now though please try and look forward,we are all hear when you want us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 Had a hard day. Some days the pain is so great. Other days it's tolerable. I'm really busy and if I wasn't I think I would just curl in a ball. I still haven't cleaned up the nest that Joey was making under my chest of drawers. His bits of papers are everywhere sticking out. Sometimes I come home and feel they have been moved and I wonder if his spirit is speaking to me. I don't know if I can move them .... vacumming his nest will seem like he's really gone. I am going to move and have to show my house for sale so I will have to clean it...just don't know how or when. I just love to come home to his torn bits of paper ...it used to make him so feel so happy and free, I could tell......Freedom isn't always greatis it? I miss him and see him everywhere. I've visited other Greys to see if it would help. It hasn't...in some ways it has made it hurt worse. I also am torn about what to do with my dog, I feel she needs a new home but I also love her ...it will be like losing 2 of my babies. SO SORRY FOR BEING SO GRIM. I KNOW IT WILL GET BETTER...I JUST HOPE IT WILL BE SOON. PEACE TAMARAH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Tamarah, you are going thru a really rough time and I know it is hard for you but you do what you have to and if you are selling your home then that nest Joey was building has to be cleaned up, maybe you have a family member who could do it for you. I imagine it is painful to see other greys but in time it will be less so but you will know when your grieving is over enough for you to be able to see other greys and possibly bring another one into your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
she Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Tamarah, maybe moving home will be good for you,a new start in a new place.Please look at it like that.I know how hard loosing a beloved pet is I have gone through it many times and believe me you will learn to cope with the loss,it does take time.You must clean Joeys nest up for the house sale as Judy said if you cant do it get some one else to do it for you. When I lost my horse many years ago the hardest thing I had to do was clean her stable out but it was oddley theraputic.<br><br>Post edited by: she, at: 2009/11/02 06:56 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbpittman Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 While this may sound morbid, is it possible to remove the nest Joey was buildig and put it in a shoe box or other type of box for preservation? This would in my mind be theraputic in helping preserve the memory and love of Joey. It may also help you in moving forward. We understand that the dogs didn't do this maliciously, for them it was either instinct or just play. We love you and feel your pain and hope that with time you will find another grey that needs you as much as you will need him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JillyBeanz Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 This is an absolute tragedy and I feel for you so much. As Robin says, it is instinct and natural ability for a dog to act in this way. If you keep the little nest it will always be a reminder of your beautiful Joey. Time heals, as they say, and it is true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 There has been a breakthrough in my grief. You have all helped me so much. I have a dove that had no home. All dogs are now crated 100% of the time that I'm out of the house and as a precaution the door where Sunshine is at is locked with a brand new lock. So I have made added precautions...I am getting help from my vet as well to rehome my dog. Sunshine don't nip???? She likes to come up on my arm and sit and play "flight"...she is young and very sweet. She is not Joey...but she pulls on my heart strings .. I had a memorial for Joey and I am glad I had witnesses because noone would believe what happened if I didn't have someone to verify it. After the spreading of the ashes and the little ceremony we looked in the sky and by the light of the moon a bunch of Geese were flying across the sky. ??? From what I gathered, this is most unusual they don't fly at night. Then to our shock, the geese formed the closest thing to a letter J as birds could do in the sky!!!!! J for Joey...as they headed south???? I thought I would pass out - it was something that might only happen once in a person's lifetime. To me it was a spiritual experience. So all that has made things a little easier...I'm still sad alot but I'm trying to be as positive as possible. I am also taking your advice I'm going to find a box frame to fit Joeys nest and put his nest in it and a nice picture of him. I really am glad you suggested that...it allows me to pick it up for a purpose, otherwise I don't think I could do it. So...that is all...I wanted to thank you all for your continued suggestions and support. I've learned some hard lessons...I remember someone on this site first when I came on telling me not to leave Joey with the cats...I watched their interactions always...I never thought my dogs would be capable of what they did, let alone have the motivation. As you said earlier, when it all comes down, our animals are animals...with instincts that coincide with their life history. Some things can't be changed...we just have to make our babies as safe as possible...and learn as much as we can. bye for now peace TaMarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShonaRayJoe Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 pps...I have also not eaten chicken since that horrible day...I plan on stopping for at least 9 months, the amount of time I had him in my life...or who knows, it has made me more aware of the food industry and carnage, I might learn more about the process of food and never go back...either way...I plan on committing to at least 9 months. Thank you all fof helping me get through this..you are wonderful people. I don't have much family..I was an orphan...and NO I DON'T WANT ANY SYMPATHY..HAHA..JUST FOR JOEY ONLY. PEACE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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