I feel like I'm losing her

[pearllyn]

Hi Folks,

I've already posted how Alfie had been attacking me about a fortnight ago, and honestly, since then, she hasn't bitten me maliciously at all - I've had maybe 2 mischievious nips, nothing nasty.

For the last couple of days, maybe 3 at most, she's been kicking up a fuss when I need to put her back in her cage in the morning. Since I got her, the morning routine has been Alfie getting out as soon as I wake, breakfast for her, cup of tea for me - this lasts an hour, hour and a half, then she goes back into her cage with what's left of her brekky while I go and tend the rest of my stock! It's been this way for 18 months with no hassle - until 3 days ago, now, when i try to put her in after her breakfast, she's just flying from perch to perch and refusing to step up - in fact, as soon as I approach her, she's off.

Then, this morning, after the now usual runaround, I went to put her harness on so she could come with us, she was a bit fussy, but we got it on (david had to take her to a neutral room for me to put it on her, but she didn't object too much).

When we came home, about an hour later, I could have done with a pair of chain mail gloves to take her harness off! She totally freaked. I usually steady her shoulders with one hand while I undo the harness with the other, but when ever I went to put my hand on her back she went nuts, trying to flap away.

I'm wracking my brain as to why she is suddenly acting like this, she was afraid of me.

I'm thinking perhaps one of two things.

1)I have started showering her lately (see recent post) she might be resenting me for this.

2)I've been a little down lately - can parrots pick up on your mood (I'm sure yes) like dogs can? Maybe this is her trying to "slap me out of it"!

When Alf is doing her "don't go near lyn, she is evil" routine, she's totally sucking up to david and being a real daddies girl. The thing that I really don't get is, through all of this, she is still REALLY affectionate with me of an evening - cuddling right up for an hour or so.

I urgantly need to re-establish a bond with her but haven't a clue where to start, I feel I'm out of my depth and it's so upsetting. I think she's rejecting me in favour of David.

At the moment, I'm just keeping my distance in the morning - I don't want to upset her even more.

Any suggestions will be most greatfully received.

 

Hope you and yours are all well.

 

Lyn

 

x

[judygram]

I'm not the most knowledgeable member but I do know that sometimes they change their favorite person and maybe Alfie has done that in favor of David. If that has happened there is not much you can do about it but accept it.

 

They also pick up on our moods also so that could be playing a role in whats going on. Maybe some of the more knowledgeabe members will be able to give you some answers to help you with this, in the meantime hang in there and don't take it personally.

[Dave007]

You know, the most common yet thrilling thing that loads of grey owners say is *I know greys have the intelligence of a 4 or 5 yr old child but something that isn't said very much is * I know that greys can be as bad and disobedient as a 4 or 5 yr old child* And when that happens it's taken in the wrong way to the extreme. I'll use your words here which applies to me---I've been bitten *maliciously* loads of times and I 've been bitten * mischievously * loads of times and I expect it to happen again and again.

Sometimes greys get very tired of *routines* and they don't take a long time to show their displeasure. In one case here, it's not wanting to go back in a cage but wants to stay on a perch instead of a cage.

 

"""after the now usual runaround""" well, it's very possible that she didn't wanna go out or have a harness put on but it was put on in an area where she was distracted but what you may not realize that she was just as annoyed with you taking it off because she didn't wanna be handled concerning the harness in the first place. Taking it off and putting it on can mean the same thing.

 

""1)I have started showering her lately (see recent post) she might be resenting me for this."""

 

Did she let you take her out of the shower peacefully and did you bring her back to a usual place without her attacking you? People need to change methods of bathing all the time. Some of the birds get aggravated until they are brought back and start preening themselves. That applies to misting, showering, sink baths and bowl baths.

 

""""2)I've been a little down lately - can parrots pick up on your mood (I'm sure yes) like dogs can? Maybe this is her trying to "slap me out of it"!"""""

 

Birds are smart but not that smart. They become quiet when they sense problems and they don't jump around or play as much but they never take on the role of the *enforcer*.

 

"""When Alf is doing her "don't go near lyn, she is evil" routine"""""

 

What have you ever done to her that would make her think you're evil. There's birds in oter home that are mistreated, neglected and they don't think the owner is evil, just uncaring.

 

""""she's totally sucking up to David and being a real daddies girl.""""""

 

Unless you always intentionally wanted to keep David out of the bird's life from the beginning, you should be grateful that your bird has good feelings towards him and wants to socialize with him. Most people are brought to tears because their bird has turned into a one-person bird and they ask for as many possible methods to do in order to change that.

 

""""I urgantly need to re-establish a bond with her but haven't a clue where to start, I feel I'm out of my depth and it's so upsetting. I think she's rejecting me in favour of David. """"""

 

I doubt that you've experienced what it's like when a bird decides to cut one person off permanently. Most of the time it's a total loss of connection with a person. The person can't feed the bird, play with the bird, socialize with the bird, won't change it's mind about that bird ( like being ornery during one part of the day and being nice another part of that day)-----

Example, "The thing that I really don't get is, through all of this, she is still REALLY affectionate with me of an evening - cuddling right up for an hour or so.""""

 

Keeping your distance from the bird won't do any good. You just need to follow your routine. You gotta eat.

How do you why she's doing this lately? Maybe it's that time that she wants a male bird boyfriend, can't find one and is bitchy.

[Jane08]

When I read your post I think what do you mean re establish a bond, you already have it if you are able to cuddle with her for an hour every night. I don't even have that with our female Kea, but we have a very strong bond but just in a different way.

 

She sounds like a normal grey. I can't count the number of times our 2 have been through different stages, same as Alfie, suddenly one day deciding no I don't want to step up and go in the cage and me having to change the way I get them in. This could go on for a few weeks and then suddenly back to going in the cage easy.

 

One day suddenly flying to my hand and biting it and this going on for a month and then it stopped.

 

For me I have taken this as normal grey growing up stuff and have never taken it personally. They don't do these things to be mean, they do it for a purpose and if you really listen and watch what they are trying to tell you it will be much easier.

 

Must admit I do find it a bit odd how people think that there grey will be this well behaved animal for the rest of it's life with no issues or problems which need working out together.

[pearllyn]

Thanks for the encouragement Judy, I do take it personally, I know I shouldn't tho!

 

Dave, thanks for breaking it down for me - I do try to stick to a routine cos I thought they liked it - will try to shake it up a little to break the cycle.

I can't think that I've ever done anything bad to her, but she might see a particular action a different way. She's always calm when going in and coming out of the shower, and will sit on my hand happily till i get her back to the perch. I just wondered if her action could be a delayed reaction to the showering.

I realize she hasn't cut me out all together, I'm just scared it's heading that way and wanted to try to take steps to avoid it. But maybe Judy is right and I just have to accept it.

But you're right about being greatful for her love of David, and I really am. Before we got Alfie, David was very bird phobic (don't know the right word for it), and I worked hard from day 1 to make sure she accepted both of us, and I'm thankful it's me she's biting and not David - that would be awful and I'd feel guilty as hell! But I'm hoping it's not going to be a "him or me" situation!

 

Thanks for your comment Jane, I really didn't get Alf thinking there would be no problems, I just didn't know she'd be so complex, and I need some advise is all.

 

Thanks again folks.

 

x

[danmcq]

The others have all given great comments and points to consider.

 

Alfie is getting close to 2. She is really starting to feel her independence and desire for it. In the wild they become pretty much on their own by 2.

 

Just some insight into a home with a 2.5 year old Grey...namely Dayo. My wife is his love muffin. He has always interacted with me very well, but not at the same level. I view myself more as a best friend that he likes to "Kick it" with, play games and yes get rough and go crazy. He just loves rough housing, playing catch with all types of things and him trying to shred them screaming, jumping on them and sometimes flying at me because he is so into it. So I get bitten good atleast once a day, but not too much blood letting. :-)

 

Kim is now getting good bites, a cold shoulder when Dayo decides he wants to hang out with the guys (Me) and have fun. However, when Dayo wants those loving scratches, lay on the back cuddles etc. Thats Kim and NEVER me.

 

Kim was trying to play with Dayo like I do with catch, he got very excited after a few minutes and flew straight at her face, which she quickly threw her arms up and ducked forcing him to turn sharply and land somewhere else. He also flew over, landed in the middle of her back and gave her a very hard pinch right in the middle of the neck because she took something from him he wanted and when she turned around, BAM! He does this to me too when something is taken he wants. We have both learned to duck quickly when we hear him flapping behind us now. :-)

 

I'll bet David is not near the cuddle muffin you are still at night when thats what Alfie wants to do?

 

There are times now, instead of cuddling with Kim, Dayo will just sit on my Arm and preen for an hour and does not want to go to Kim no matter how sweetly she asks him to. He goes when HE decides and sometimes thats just 10 minutes of cuddles before he goes to bed.

 

The dynamics of how he and we interact are changing drastically as he becomes more independent and sure of himself. Sometimes he just does not want to go to bed and just having a step up and locking his talons or holding his back down does not work and he flies off. He hates perches being offered, so now rather than towel him (Which we never do), we turn lights off and go out on our patio and have a smoke or just talk for 10 minutes. Dayo can not stand this and peeps, paces back and forth etc. trying to see us out the windows and he can't because it's dark. The minute we walk back in he flies to one of our shoulders and one of us just leans down with the our arm outstretched into the cage near his perch and he walks from our shoulder down to his perch peacefully and contentedly.

 

You are going to see many more changes in behaviour in the next year, so just be prepared and do not think you are losing him, your baby is growing up and becoming independent, which is the way of all the Earth. :-)<br><br>Post edited by: danmcq, at: 2009/09/21 16:14

[pearllyn]

Dan, thats very helpful, thanks.

WIth the one or two problems that have crept up lately, I just started to thinkk it MUST be my fault. But it maybe sounds like Alfie is an African grey being and African Grey! Woop!

So should I keep the showers going or give her a break - I've been showering her once a week?

Thanks again.

 

Lyn & Alf

 

xx

[Dave007]

Once a week is fine if she doesn't like it. If she likes the shower, 3 or 4 times a week is fine. Just remember to get under the wings where the feathers aren't waterproof. That also applies to lower and upper breast area which isn't waterproof. Don't towel dry or dry with hair dryer. Let her stay wet so she can properly preen herself. She'll eventually dry off.

[pearllyn]

Thanks Dave, I'll stickk to once a week at the moment, untill she's happier with it, then concentrate on the more vulnerable areas. Going by her reactiion so far, it won't be long before I can tackle these areas.

Thanks again everyone for your help - I really would be a little lost without this forum!

Do you know, in another post lately I said I was for pet owners needing to sit a test before being permitted to own a pet. If that were the case, and there was a test in this country to own a parrot, hands up, I'd fail.

But I do love her to bits, and that must count for something?

Thank goodness (alfie says!) for you lot!

 

Lyn.

 

xx

[Janfromboone]

Wow! what great comments to pearlyn. I wish I could bookmark this article for reading later when I need it.

[judygram]

Jan you can bookmark it, copy the address and add it to your favorites then you can refer back to it when you need it.