parrot jokes (bird jokes)

[greylover]

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

 

 

 

hear is another

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, "Yes?" The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, "You know."ther

 

GOOD CANARY SINGER!!!

A short elderly woman burst into a pet store. "I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a good singer! I've got good, hard US cash, but I'm only paying for a good singer."

 

The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store. "Ma'am, I've been in this business for forty years and the best singer I've ever heard is in that cage."

 

"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a canary, but it's got to be a singer."

 

By this point, the shop keeper was coming down the ladder. "Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" He placed the cage on the counter and the bird burst into melody after melody.

 

Awed, the woman murmured, "Why, he is a good singer." Suddenly she screamed, "Hey, this bird's only got one leg!"

 

The pet store owner was unperturbed. "Lady, what do you want, a singer or a dancer?"

 

 

A burglar sneaks in a dark bar...(after hours) and goes right to the cash register. A voice calls out, "GOD IS WATCHING YOU". He looks all around and sees nothing so returns to jimmying the cash drawer. Again, the voice says, "GOD IS WATCHING YOU". The burglar looks around and finally sees a parrot in a cage and says, "Oh, Hi Polly. You startled me." "Hey" said the parrot. "My name ain't Polly. It's John the Baptist." The burglar snorted, "Who in the world named you John the Baptist?". Parrot says, "The same guy who named that Rottweiler over there GOD!"

 

 

 

After taking his seat on a plane, a mild mannered young man was startled to see a parrot strapped in next to him. Choosing to ignore the bird, he asked the flight attendant for a cup of coffee. "And get me a whiskey, now!" the parrot ordered rudely. A few moments later the attendant returned with the whiskey, but no coffee. "Hey, lazy," the parrot cried out after draining his glass, "another whiskey!" Again, the attendant hurried to bring the parrot his drink but forgot the coffee.

 

Upset at being ignored, the man decided to try the parrots approach. "Hey, you!" he yelled at the attendant. "Coffee now or you'll never work for this airline again!" A moment later, a burley co-pilot came over, grabbed the man and the parrot and tossed them out of the plane door. As they plunged downward, the parrot turned to the man and said, "That was really gutsy, mister. Especially for someone who can't fly.

 

Hope you liked them!!I have plenty more

[Talon]

greylover, Great idea! Very funny jokes!!

 

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[judygram]

Bring em on, I love them.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[greylover]

I have loads more.

[greylover]

1)A drunk is driving with his parrot through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the parrot and the drunk smiles. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few." "He did all right," the parrot says and the drunk smiles. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the parrot. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

2)

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.

 

3)

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."

 

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer. The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."

 

The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

 

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

 

Got more ut i will hang on lol.

[Richardsmommy]

A woman buys a bird only to find out when she got home with him that he was a very rude bird who swore like a sailor. After a week of swearing, the woman decided that she'd had enough and she scolded him. He quieted down for a few minutes but then began swearing louder, adding more swear words to his vocabulary. She pulled the bird out of his cage, flicked him several times on his beak, but this caused him to swear even louder. She was at her wits end when she grabbed the bird, took him to her freezer and shoved him in, closing the door behind him. He began swearing even louder through the thick heavy door. Suddenly the bird quieted down and all got silent. After a few minutes, the bird started pleading, "Please let me out! If you let me out, I'll never swear again!"

 

"Finally," the woman thought, "The cold air has caused this tropical bird to come to his senses and he's rehabilitated!" So, she opened the door and out walked the apologetic bird.

 

"It's so good to hear you apologize and promise to never cuss again", the lady said.

 

"I promise I'll never swear again..." the bird promised, "But can I ask one question?"

 

"Sure!" the woman replied.

 

The bird inquired in a shaky voice, "What did the turkey do?"<br><br>Post edited by: Richardsmommy, at: 2007/07/14 05:43

[judygram]

Thats a good one Richardsmommy, thanks for sharing that with us.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[greylover]

yer thanks