I'm new here, but I had to come somewhere that people will understand.
I had my CAG Elwood from 8 weeks, I handfed him, weaned him, loved him. In hindsight I'm annoyed I was sold an unweaned baby, and now it's making me question whether this is why I lost him so young.
He was hatched April 21st, and he died yesterday aged 6 months.
The pain.. it's almost unbearable. It was so sudden, he showed no signs of illness at all. I don't know if it was shock that killed him, or an injury but I can't stand the thought of a birdy post-mortem.
He was a joy, and I miss him so much already. I have covered his cage, I just can't deal with that right now. I still have his little body in a box, I don't know what to do with him.
He was out for his breakfast, sweetcorn, sprouts, carrots, pine nuts. He flew to me to say hi, as he always did. He was being a little monkey, demanded head rubs, then I don't know what happened. He fell and landed on my foot but he was limp. My boyfriend said he was reaching with his beak to hold my desk before he fell. He died seconds later. It was quick, I try and take comfort in that but the speed in which he went from happy to gone.. astounds me.
Now I'm filled with so many questions. Did I miss something? Was it my fault? Did he have an infection or diesease? Was he born with a defect? My son currently has a bad case of chicken pox, was it that? It's getting cold now, so I'm using the radiators, was it that? I'm always so careful, no scented candles, no teflon but the speed in which he passed leads me to think it could be something like this, or heart attack, or seizure, or a stroke.. I think it's too late for a post mortem, he has been in a box since yesterday, I don't even know how to get one, how much it costs, and whether I actually can cope with knowing.
I don't think I can ever get another, the pain of losing him is so intense, I haven't cried so much in my life, and never want to again. I don't know if he had something contagious that would put other birds at risk.. so many ifs and buts.
Sorry to put this on anyone, but some of you have been in similar situations x
Emma