ShonaRayJoe

pps...I have also not eaten chicken since that horrible day...I plan on stopping for at least 9 months, the amount of time I had him in my life...or who knows, it has made me more aware of the food industry and carnage, I might learn more about the process of food and never go back...either way...I plan on committing to at least 9 months. Thank you all fof helping me get through this..you are wonderful people. I don't have much family..I was an orphan...and NO I DON'T WANT ANY SYMPATHY..HAHA..JUST FOR JOEY ONLY. PEACE

There has been a breakthrough in my grief. You have all helped me so much. I have a dove that had no home. All dogs are now crated 100% of the time that I'm out of the house and as a precaution the door where Sunshine is at is locked with a brand new lock. So I have made added precautions...I am getting help from my vet as well to rehome my dog. Sunshine don't nip???? She likes to come up on my arm and sit and play "flight"...she is young and very sweet. She is not Joey...but she pulls on my heart strings .. I had a memorial for Joey and I am glad I had witnesses because noone would believe what happened if I didn't have someone to verify it. After the spreading of the ashes and the little ceremony we looked in the sky and by the light of the moon a bunch of Geese were flying across the sky. ??? From what I gathered, this is most unusual they don't fly at night. Then to our shock, the geese formed the closest thing to a letter J as birds could do in the sky!!!!! J for Joey...as they headed south???? I thought I would pass out - it was something that might only happen once in a person's lifetime. To me it was a spiritual experience. So all that has made things a little easier...I'm still sad alot but I'm trying to be as positive as possible. I am also taking your advice I'm going to find a box frame to fit Joeys nest and put his nest in it and a nice picture of him. I really am glad you suggested that...it allows me to pick it up for a purpose, otherwise I don't think I could do it. So...that is all...I wanted to thank you all for your continued suggestions and support. I've learned some hard lessons...I remember someone on this site first when I came on telling me not to leave Joey with the cats...I watched their interactions always...I never thought my dogs would be capable of what they did, let alone have the motivation. As you said earlier, when it all comes down, our animals are animals...with instincts that coincide with their life history. Some things can't be changed...we just have to make our babies as safe as possible...and learn as much as we can. bye for now peace TaMarah

Had a hard day. Some days the pain is so great. Other days it's tolerable. I'm really busy and if I wasn't I think I would just curl in a ball. I still haven't cleaned up the nest that Joey was making under my chest of drawers. His bits of papers are everywhere sticking out. Sometimes I come home and feel they have been moved and I wonder if his spirit is speaking to me. I don't know if I can move them .... vacumming his nest will seem like he's really gone. I am going to move and have to show my house for sale so I will have to clean it...just don't know how or when. I just love to come home to his torn bits of paper ...it used to make him so feel so happy and free, I could tell......Freedom isn't always greatis it? I miss him and see him everywhere. I've visited other Greys to see if it would help. It hasn't...in some ways it has made it hurt worse. I also am torn about what to do with my dog, I feel she needs a new home but I also love her ...it will be like losing 2 of my babies. SO SORRY FOR BEING SO GRIM. I KNOW IT WILL GET BETTER...I JUST HOPE IT WILL BE SOON. PEACE TAMARAH

YOUR NOTES ARE AMAZING. THEY SAY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. I WILL NOT GO INTO DETAILS BECAUSE I KNOW ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE ARE ANIMAL/BIRD LOVERS AND IF I TOLD YOU WHAT I CAME HOME TO THAT DAY IT WOULD DO NOTHING POSITIVE I CAN ASSURE YOU. YES I AM HAVING TROUBLE GETTING OVER THE IMAGE OF WHAT I WALKED INTO. IT WILL SUFFICE TO SAY THAT MY JOEY'S SPIRIT HAD BEEN GONE AND WHAT REMAINED WASN'T HIM...THAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT HELPS ME KEEP GOING. IT WAS MY DOG THAT I RESCUED FROM AN ABUSIVE NEIGHBOR THAT DID IT. I STARTED A NEW JOB AND THE DOGS HAD BEEN USED TO ME BEING HOME AND DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS GONE. THEY LITERALLY TORE THROUGH 2 GATES AND A DOOR THAT WAS CLOSED TO GET TO JOEY??// I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT JOEY WAS CALLING TO THEM, BECAUSE HE OFTEN DID THAT WHEN I WAS HOME. HE LOVED THEM AND THEY HIM. WHEN I WAS HOME, THEY WOULD TALK TO EACH OTHER AND CUDDLE...????? I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN, HOWEVER, I KEPT THEM SEPARATE WHEN I LEFT TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE. ALL I CAN GATHER IS THAT SOMEHOW THE DOOR MUST HAVE BEEN WEAK....I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY DID IT...THEY HAVE NEVER TORN GATES DOWN BEFORE....???? I EVEN WONDERED IF SOMETHING HAPPENED IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD???? I TRIED TO GET MY MIND AROUND EVERYTHING. I EVEN WONDERED IF MY EX ROOMMATE WHO HATED JOEY BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T WARM UP TO HER...CAME BACK AND SOMEHOW PROVOKED SOMETHING. I THINK THERE IS JUST NO EXPLANATION. JOEY CHANGED MY LIFE. HE MADE ME LISTEN. HE REALLY DIDN'T LIKE MY ROOMMATE...SO SHE HAD TO GO...IT WAS A VERY WISE DECISION!!!!! HE TAUGHT ME ALOT ABOUT TRUST...I WENT OUT TONIGHT AND RAN INTO A WOMAN ACQUAINTANCE. SHE SAID THAT I NEEDED TO JUST TURN MY BACK AND MOVE ON...I KNOW I NEED TO MOVE ON BUT I WILL NEVER TURN MY BACK. ..SIGH...I WOULD NEVER BRING ANOTHER BIRD INTO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW ....IN TIME WHEN THINGS CHANGE I DEFINITELY WILL. I KNOW THIS SPECIES IS INCREDIBLY UNIQUE AND I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THAT HAPPINESS AGAIN. AT LEAST I KNOW I CAN ATTACH TO SOMEONE.. THAT'S SOMETHING.

it helps to read these posts...and it helped to find Alex and Me because I believe Joey was truly growing so much after being neglected so long. The hardest is part that I had ASSUMED he'd be with me and I would have to will him to someone I trusted deeply and though he was with me only a short time, I continually thought about that and watched for other's reactions to him. He met hundreds of people in the short time he was with me and began to speak very impromptu. He was completely amazing and I can't believe what an affect he had on me in terms of feelings. I had felt I was shut off and had gotten very cold after abuse in my childhood and going through a divorce after a bad marriage....I didn't think I could attach ever. I planned on not attaching to Joey specifically so I wouldn't have to deal with any more pain. After the first night in my house, that plan was out the door! I have to rehome the rescued dog that I have. She is as well beautiful but is not safe to be around small animals or I suspect children. I tried to help 2 animals and unfortuneately one died as a result of that. I won't make the same mistake ever again I know that and unfortuneately I feel that because of what has happened I have lost my bond with my dog who I took in off the street. I know it is best for her and I that I find her the best possible home that I can...and I will make sure she is safe and loved. It's the right thing to do. So I lose two of my babies...but it wouldn't be right if I tried to hang on to something that is not meant to be. I know it will get better and I will someday like to look at all of his pictures. Right now they only frustrate me because they aren't feathers, they don't talk to me, or play little games with me. I can't see Joey do his little disco dance in the pictures...it's just not the same as having him on my shoulder. Writing sure helps....thank you lovely people for reading me. xxoo TaMarah

thank you i miss him so much

My dear baby ShonaJoe was 12 years old when I got him. He had been in a cage much of his life so didn't want to come out. I used a thick glove so the bites wouldn't hurt...and repeatedly got him to sit on my glove numerous times per day and come out. At first he would howl really loud and I would put him back in but eventually he stopped the crying and grew to adore coming out of the cage but it took time. He was very nervous and it took many months for him to be comfortable enough to climb down his ladders and come running looking for me saying "here, here" and "mine mine" when someone would touch his poopie blanket. haha. Such wonderful memories. I'm glad the issue of you referring to your grey as an it was brought up. Your baby needs a name and it will help you to bond with him/her more perhaps. I didn't care if my Joey talked or not ...but the more I didn't care, the more words began to flow. Every word/phrase was in a different voice and at times he scared me when he talked in a young girl's voice. hahaha I miss him very much...I wish he had of lived to tell me more but I have to accept that. Please learn all you can about your precious one and don't ever give in to frustration. There is nothing like the experience of having a friend of an African Grey Parrot. Peace TaMarah May Post edited by: ShonaRayJoe, at: 2009/10/12 06:04 Post edited by: ShonaRayJoe, at: 2009/10/12 06:08<br><br>Post edited by: ShonaRayJoe, at: 2009/10/12 12:52

PS has anyone read the books about the famous Grey named Alex who learned math and everything? I read half of one the other night at Barnes and Noble and it was a fascinating look at just how intelligent these beautiful babies are. I already knew that of course.,...again...it was sad...I had so many plans for Joey's future...and mine together. I guess my higher power's plan interfered with mine. That's always bothersome. Peace again TaMarah

I went to a pet store where a lady hand raises birds and seems very loving towards them. I went around to all the greys but became frustrated because none of them were behaving to me as Joey did. I came away very sad but I realized of course they weren't Joey and they didn't know me. I have periods of feeling almost normal but mostly I keep thinking of every moment we spent together and how much fun I had with him. My friends are starting to tell me to move on and maybe get another bird...(I would never do that unless I rehome the dog here that I rescued from the neighborhood) ...that has me torn as well...however, I know it is what I have to do for the safety and environment for the other rescued animals I have here. Rescuing animals is not always fun...this has been one of the most painful things I've experienced. When one doesn't make it, it hurts, especially when they were in your care!!!!! Especially one as special as Joey who was starting to talk more and have more fun....than he ever had ... I will move on in time I am sure...I just want to make the best decision for the animals that I have now and in my future. Thank you all for the words of advice and experience...they mean alot. peace TaMarah:(

Thank you so much everyone. Your words have helped. I am still so sad and having trouble concentrating at work. I have alot of regret but wish to find peace as quickly as possible. The picture of Rishi with his mom reminded me of the time I took Joey to the beach. I can't bring myself to look at pictures or post new ones here or anywhere...It is still too painful. Hopefully time will help...I just miss him so much. love TaMarah

Now you had to all make me cry again...but that's ok...it's in understanding words that did it this time. Sorry for the confusion, when I meant he was gone, and left, I meant he passed away. I can't write what happened...it's just too horrid to put on paper in case I would have to read it again. I still have too many visions in my head and I feel so traumatized it's incredible. In time I'm sure it will get better. I am so glad to receive the support here and someday I know I will want another bird ...he opened me up so much to the meaning of love...You are so right!!!! My walls came crashing down. In a long time, when all is well again, I will take what he taught me and pass it on. I am greatful I told him everyday that I loved him and that he was the best bird in the world and that he made my life so bright. thank you all TaMarah

REST IN PEACE MY LOVE. MOMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rest in peace and feathers my friend for you were one I'll cherish until the end I shudder to think of the cries you made I can only think of the dreams we laid kisses and bird smiles noone else knew that you stole my heart true and true I saw what was sadness that noone could see I offered you comfort I let you be Now you have left me Now you are gone I'm left with your memories did I do something wrong? could it be different could it be fate I thought you would be my long lifetime mate who needs a boyfriend who needs a man I had you beside me We had a plan Now you're departed it's all by the way why does life change day after day? I am sad and so sorry I hope you are free I just wish you could have been there with me. Just keep on talking and making us laugh you could have owned Petsmart and been on their staff You brought so much joy wherever you went after all the years in the cage that you spent I brought you to my house to give you some light you ended your life in a terrible fight I can only move on now in your spirit of joy and remember you as the sweetest boy go on dear Joey go on and fly I hate it but I will bid you good bye I hate this I fight this but I must let you go I'm here if you need me I hope this you know. I'll miss you forever ShonaRayJoe aka "Joey" rip Mom 09/30/09 Post edited by: ShonaRayJoe, at: 2009/10/03 22:29<br><br>Post edited by: ShonaRayJoe, at: 2009/10/03 22:31

I JUST READ THE STORIES OF THE OTHER BIRDS WHO ALSO PASSED SO I AM NOT ALONE. THAT IS SOME COMFORT. I HAD RESCUED JOEY OUT OF A SITUATION WHERE HE WAS STUCK IN A CAGE FOR YEARS. IN LESS THAN A YEAR HE GOT TO GO SHOPPING ALMOST A HUNDRED TIMES. HE GOT TO GO TO A FESTIVAL WITH OVER 200 PEOPLE AND HE GOT TO BE ON TV. EVERYONE WHO MET HIM LOVED HIM EVEN IF HE DIDN'T LOVE THEM BACK. HAHA. MAYBE THERE WAS A PRICE TO PAY FOR HIS FREEDOM BUT I KNOW WE COMMUNICATED LIKE ANY CHILD AND MOTHER. HE WAS VERY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT HE NEEDED AND I CAN'T STAND THE SILENCE IN THE HOUSE WITHOUT HIM. I CAN'T STAND TRYING TO NAP WITHOUT HIM TAKING A NAP BY MY HEAD AND KISSING ME WHEN I WOKE UP (THIS IS TRUEEEEEEEEE) I CAN'T STAND ANY OF IT. I JUST HOPE IT GETS BETTER BECAUSE I CAN HARDLY MOVE.

I can hardly breathe and have hardly eaten since Thursday night. If anyone has ever lost their grey and had to deal with the pain of finding him...please share with me how to get through it?/?? I had to go to work the next day and I was like a zombie. I feel as if part of me died as well. I have other animals to care for and things to do...I don't want to sink further...but I don't think I've ever felt anything so painful in my life. Peace hope to hear from someone. TaMarah May

Thank you all for these words.. I was wondering the same thing. I have had ShonaRayJoe now for about a month or a little more. The previous owner told me he made lots of noises but only talked when she was in another room. The first day he began saying HERE whenever he wanted my attention. Then he said MINE when he wanted to show me which parrot food was his. LOL Then it was WHAT when I asked him a question and a week later he made the sonic boomb sound of my phone ring and proceeded to say HELLO whenever it rang. LOLOL That's it and I wanted him to say much more but it's still early and I don't mind whatever he does as long as he's happy. I think he is! ps...I'm so glad that I found this board! bye for now TaMarah and ShonaRayJoe