Hello. Great forum. Sorry the following is so long, but I want to make sure our situation is clear so we can get the best possible advice.
My wife and I are also considering getting a parrot. After tons of research (websites, forums, books, and a store visit), we have narrowed down the consideration set to two very different birds, either an African Grey or a Greenwing Macaw.
In the Grey, we like the intelligence, more manageable size, great speaking ability, and relative quietness. I'm also a structured, analytical person, and find the Grey more "gut" appealing. The biggest concern is that it would end up very antisocial to visitors or even to one of us, no matter how disciplined and consistent the training and socialization. We really do not want a terror who gets territorial aggression or fear aggression when family and friends come to visit, or who decides he/she wants me or my wife to "drop dead."
In the Greenwing, we like the striking appearance and gentle disposition, macaw playfulness, and that it is less prone to screech attacks than other macaws. The drawbacks are comparative speaking ability and large size.
We are married, in our late 20's. No kids, but that could change in a year or 2. One cat, with claws, but is very calm and social (breed is exotic shorthair, which has gentle, doglike personality). House is condo end-unit, with decent but not perfect sound isolation from neighbors (we do hear loud yelling, but not TV or music)...also cage would be 1 room away from separator wall. Cannot make external changes, so so an outdoor aviary is impossible. My wife is currently at home most of the day, but that is subject to change. I'm gone daily from around 7-ish to around 6:30 or 7. No priceless heirlooms, but do have a few pieces of custom artwork on the walls. Might be moving in the next 12 to 24 months. Twice a month, maids come and make a lot of noise (we would prohibit use of dangerous chemicals). Occasionally I'm gone at night for work-related travel. Once a year, there might be out-of-country travel where the parrot can't come along. Cost is not a primary concern.
From our research, we know the issues and sacrifices, but find disagreement over whether major problems (biting, pooping everywhere, being territorial, bonding to one person to the exclusion of all others, etc) can be addressed through proper socialization, training, and care. So we need the benefit of your experience! Also advice to guide us on picking the best species to match to us, and matching ourselves best to the species we end up picking.
So, onto the questions:
(1) Is a Grey appropriate to our circumstances?
(2) My wife has fairly bad seasonal allergies but no problems with mammals (except me occasionally )... What's the best way to find out if she is allergic to a Grey's feather dust?
(3) Is there a *large* risk that, no matter how we train and socialize the bird, it will end up bonding to one of us to the *total* exclusion of the other?
(4) If the best we can hope for is tight bonding to one person and mere civility with the other, is there a way to control or guide who gets the bond (i.e. stick to one gender, have one person take the lead in training, etc)?
(5) Are we going to run into big bird-related problems when our first (human) baby comes?
(6) Are Greys more at risk than other parrots of psychological stress and trauma from being housed with a vet or other professional sitter during vacations abroad? (For domestic trips, we can drive instead of flying)
(7) For the cage, is the best approach to get a small 20x20 baby cage for the first year, then a larger 36x24 (or bigger) adult cage and make the baby cage a sleeping/travel cage?
(8) Do you think that, based on everything, a Macaw is more appropriate for us than a Grey, or vice-versa?
(9) Other than size, occasional bouts of loud noise, and lesser speaking ability, is there something I'm missing that argues against a Greenwing and favors a Grey for people like us?
(10) Is it true that Greys tend to "switch allegiance" from one person (parent-bond) to a different person (mate-bond) around sexual maturity?
(11) Is there a reason to favor male over female, or female over male (and is it even safe and quick enough to get a baby DNA'd in time)?
(12) In babies, what are the most important things to look for?
Sorry again for the long post and many question... Thanks so much for any advice!