Phenix my love

[birdhouse]

In 2008 I finally joined this site where I'd been a lurker for a long, long time.  I really didn't think I belonged since my guy was wild caught.  It was also something I'd never done before (or since).  But I'd decided it was worth a try if it got even one good insight into Phenix.

We got so much more.  Every Grey may be unique, but they're also uniquely Grey.  Something that only someone who falls for them can really understand.

I buried Phenix today.  There's a gaping hole in the world & I'm... idk...  lost. Which is how I found my way back here. Where so many of his antics got chronicled for so long.   Where I can see that my memories aren't exaggerated by sentimentality.  

He really was a force of nature that for better or worse I served as faithfully as I was able for 36 years.  Now it somehow feels right to leave his epitaph here at the end of his journey.

He came so far.  From the Congo to the US. He came so far from the sick, scared , vicious, nameless bird to Phenix(!); a parrot who could pass for a normal (-ly neurotic) Grey all day long.  From my heart wrenching mission, to my companion of 3 decades.

He was my first big parrot.  He will remain my only ever Grey.  No one & nothing could possibly have prepared me for the challenge, the highs & the lows or the truly amazing privilege.  Nor the vast empty place he has left behind.

 

[Timbersmom]

My heart goes out to you. I never understood the connection that could develop between myself and an angry and terrified African Grey until I took Timber from someone wanting to rehome him because he wasn't "adjusting." The bond is indescribable unless you've experienced it. I find myself praying that he outlives me (I'm 68) because I don't know how I'd deal with his loss. 

I have no words, but my heart bleeds for you. God bless. 

[Talon]

My sincere condolences, You have been thru a world of emotions, ups & downs with him I can only imagine. What a sad beginning he had, but you loved him into the wonder he was.  Thank you for coming back here for our support in this terrible time. God Bless you & I pray for healing.  

[Talon]

22 hours ago, Timbersmom said:

My heart goes out to you. I never understood the connection that could develop between myself and an angry and terrified African Grey until I took Timber from someone wanting to rehome him because he wasn't "adjusting." The bond is indescribable unless you've experienced it. I find myself praying that he outlives me (I'm 68) because I don't know how I'd deal with his loss. 

I have no words, but my heart bleeds for you. God bless. 

I find myself praying that he outlives me (I'm 68) because I don't know how I'd deal with his loss.  Yes, but how will he deal with your loss.. that to me is much harder as he will never understand where you went...:(   That to me breaks my heart

[birdhouse]

Thank you guys.  My friends understand to the extent  that they're all animal lovers who have experienced their own losses.  They know my attachment to my critters.  They know about Phenix' odyssey.  Some were his fans. If admittedly from a distance which was best for all concerned.

None of them have had any birds though. I think to them it's kind of like I've had a long term relationship with a bad tempered albeit fascinating interstellar alien.  

The long-term thing is very hard now though. Too many rituals & reminders accrued.  So the sting of this won't be going away for that much longer.

In the meanwhile it helps to think of him playing with his dogs.  He really did love them.  He called for Wolf in particular for a surprisingly long time after he was gone.  I have a picture of them all together now & no holds barred.
 
I wished this on myself because I was afraid of what would happen if Phenix went to another home.  He would have had to find a safe place to land -and- be sufficiently adjusted to keep from slipping back into the abyss.  

There was no way to control such a big ask.  So I'd preferred to have spared him if I couldn't protect him.